Page 82 of New Beginnings
The nauseating scent of my blood, with its metallic undertones, overwhelmed my senses as it filled my nostrils. But it was nothing compared to the excruciating pain that mercilessly tore through every inch of my body. I was overwhelmed by an indescribable pain. The pain was so intense, it felt like I was being torn apart. Every bump, every movement of my body felt like pure torture. The feeling of being weightless consumed me, and only the pain served as a reminder of my existence.
And J.D.’s voice.
Despite hearing him speak, the intensity of the pain almost drowned out his voice. But from what I could hear, his voice trembled with panic as he spoke to someone on the phone. He sounded heartbroken and my heart ached for him. It ached for both of us. It wasn’t supposed to end like this.
“Not... not your... fault,” I said, trying to get him to hear me even though it hurt like a bitch to say anything. “J.D. not...”
I groaned when the pain got worse. I wanted to let out a piercing scream that would drown out the world until I lost consciousness. Then there wouldn’t be any more of this agony.
“Shush, baby,” he said. “Save your energy.”
I should do what he said, but I needed to express to him the depth of his importance to me and make it clear that he wasn’t responsible for me getting shot just in case I didn’t pull through to tell him after all this was over.
After Agent Revels stepped out of his SUV with his gun drawn, everything became a blur of movement. It took me completely by surprise. I didn’t think any of us expected him to point a gun at me. I didn’t know why we thought he’d act differently because it was me and that was our mistake. And it wasn’t just J.D. who underestimated Agent Revels. It was all of our mistake for underestimating him and now I was paying for it. And it looked like it might be the ultimate price.
Agent Revels had something to do with the death of a pregnant woman and I didn’t believe he had any remorse about it. He wanted J.D. by any means necessary and I wasn’t immune to his anger. What would make him not kill me too especially if I was getting too close to the truth?
At the meetup nervous energy saturated the air. I knew J.D. was close because I could feel his eyes boring into my skin as I watched Hannibal moving up behind Agent Revels. Anxiousness surged through me, and I prayed we would all get out of it alive because Revel’s wouldn’t go down without a fight. And now that he had a gun trained on me it didn’t look like I could get out of harm’s way.
I had planned to pull the gun inside the waistband of my jeans once he was distracted. But then I heard the gunshot and shock took over when pain ricocheted through my body. I hadn’t evenrealized I’d been shot until I saw the blood on my hands and the absolute terror on J.D.’s face.
I knew he was gonna blame himself for this as soon as he saw the blood. But this wasn’t his fault. I made the choice to help. I made the choice to be on the front lines.
The pressure he applied on my stomach was excruciating, causing intense pain. But I didn’t expect it to have a significant effect on the wound. I was losing too much blood too fast. Despite feeling lightheaded and fatigued, I pushed myself to keep my eyes open so I could tell him before it was too late.
I reached for his face with all the strength I had left in me. He looked at me and his breath hitched. I knew he struggled to see me in so much pain.
Seeing me die.
“Not your fault,” I said.
As I touched him, he leaned in and closed his eyes for a moment before his gaze returned to me.
“Doesn’t matter, right now,” he said. “We’re almost at the hospital. I need you to hold on. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”
I didn’t know if I could hold on. My eyelids grew heavy with fatigue, begging for rest. I was so cold and just wanted to close my eyes. I wanted all the pain to stop. I wished I had listened to him and not gotten involved, but I just wanted him to have some peace. Now he would grieve for me like he grieved for Dani if I didn’t make it. I didn’t want him hurting more than he was hurting now but I no longer had a say in the matter.
As sadness consumed me, tears silently escaped my eyes, tracing a path down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure if it was from the excruciating pain or the sadness moving through me. I’d never met a man like J.D., and I hated that our relationship would end sooner than I liked.
“I... love... you,” I said.
My heavy eyes refused to stay open, and as I stared at his face, I couldn’t help but feel grateful that it would be the last image I saw before my death. I didn’t want to see the fear and devastation etched on his face, but life doesn’t always give us what we desire. Just seeing him at the end was enough for me.
“Rebel!” J.D. called my name, but his voice sounded even further away now than it did before. “Don’t you die on me! I love you. Baby, open your eyes. Please open your eyes for me.”
I knew he loved me, but I couldn’t open my eyes. Not even for him. I really wanted to, but the pain was too much to bear. Then the constant pain increased, and that was all it took for me to not feel anything anymore.
It wasn’t like the stories I’d heard people talk about when they stared Death in the eye and won. There was no bright light at the end of the tunnel or no loving feeling encompassing me. There were no family members welcoming me to the other side with love. There was nothing but darkness and silence.
And I absolutely hated it.
WHO ARE YOU?
J.D. Stevens
Despite my efforts to wipe my hands on my jeans as I paced the emergency room waiting area, her blood refused to fade away. But I knew whether or not it was visibly there, it would always stain my hands just like Dani’s.
Rebel was still alive, but it wasn’t looking too good according to the nurse I threatened to get information from since I wasn’t family. However, I was hanging on to the hope that she would make it.
