Page 4 of New Beginnings
“Rachel’s been calling. Said she couldn’t get you on the cell.” He lifted his cell in the air. “So, she called me.”
I grabbed my phone off the top of the stack of folders filled with unfinished work. I saw all the missed calls from Siobhan’s babysitter and from her preschool.
“Goddamn it!”
I pushed the call button, wiping my hand down my face.
“Rachel,” I called out after she answered on the third ring. “I’m so sorry I missed your call. Is everything alright? Where’s Siobhan?”
“She was running a fever. The school nurse couldn’t get in touch with you, so she called me since you had me listed as one of the emergency contacts. We’re at home now.”
“How’s she doing?” I asked as I stood and started packing up my shit so I could get home to my little girl.
“She’s fine, Mr. Stevens.” Rachel tried to reassure me. “I gave her some fever reducer and now she’s asleep. She was stuffy, running a low-grade fever, and had a scratchy throat. But don’t worry, it’s probably just a cold.”
I released a long breath, feeling the tension leave my body. I hated when Siobhan got sick, but a minor cold I could handle. My panic subsided a little.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes, Rachel.”
“Oh, there’s no need. I have a night class tonight. I can stay until you get home.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, even though I had shit to do here. Nothing came before Siobhan’s wellbeing. “I hate to put you out more than I already have.”
“It’s no problem. Like I said she’s asleep and I’ll catch up on some of my schoolwork while I’m here. Everything’s fine.”
“Thanks, Rach.” I sat back down in my office chair, leaned back, and pinched the bridge of my nose. “You’re a life saver. I’ll see you around six.”
I usually stayed at the clubhouse past six. But my little girl was sick, and I didn’t want to inconvenience Rachel any further. It was only fair I came home at a decent time. Club business could wait until tomorrow.
“Six it is!” she said in her usual chipper voice.
I ended the call. “I’ll never understand how someone could be so damn happy all the time. I need to give her a fucking raise.”
Rachel Underwood was an angel walking the Earth. She was the daughter of one of the brothers who was getting her nursing degree. Whenever I needed help and she could spare her time, she’d babysit Siobhan. Unfortunately, lately it had been happening more frequently than I liked.
Siobhan rarely came to the clubhouse. A lot of shit went down here no child should see, but if things continued the way they’ve been going, something would have to give.
“Everything good?” Caesar asked, worry in his eyes. “Is my goddaughter alright?”
“Yeah, your goddaughter is fine. Siobhan was running a fever. Rachel picked her up from preschool, took her home, and gave her some medicine. She’s sleeping, now.”
“Something you should be doing.” Caesar narrowed his eyes at me. “Take a break for a while and get some fucking sleep. I can manage shit here.”
He could handle shit, and I needed to sleep. But what could I do? The nightmares hadn’t stopped. As time passed, I’d been able to function during the day, pushing that day to the back of my mind. But nights... nights were a different beast. They were brutal. Whenever I did sleep, that day played on a loop insidemy nightmares. And I couldn’t escape it, no matter how much I wanted to.
She’s not at rest, so you shouldn’t be either.
“Did you need something?” I asked, trying not to let my irritation leak into my voice. “Or did you only come in here to bust my balls about me not getting enough sleep?”
I needed fucking to rest. It wasn’t a secret. Not just sleep, but I needed relief from the nightmares. The constant replay of her and my son’s small body lying in the morgue with no life moving through them haunted me. And if not that nightmare, it was one where she called out for my help while my son wailed in the background. But I couldn’t get to them in time. Every time I reached them, they’d just fade away like they never existed. When I woke up in a cold sweat, and tears in my eyes, I relived that day all over again. Racing to the hospital, then getting the news she had died from her injuries, and they did all they could do to save Luca after a c-section, but he didn’t survive either.
I twisted my wedding band on my finger, trying to calm down. It always brought me peace. Touching the metal, she had slipped on my finger on our wedding day, always made me feel closer to them. It brought me some semblance of stillness I rarely felt anymore.
“Maybe both,” he said, laughing.
“Well, get the hell on with it. I got a lot of shit to do other than sit here looking at your ugly mug.”
His face lost all traces of humor. “Jacob,” he said, calling me by first name.
