Page 131 of New Beginnings
That was everything I felt right now. “I did this,” I mumbled, wiping the tears from my eyes.
J.D. tightly embraced me, drawing me nearer as we walked away from the grave site, where my godfather’s casket was being lowered into the ground. The haunting wails of my auntie and the piercing screams of his daughters would forever echo in my mind. The devastation they experienced was so intense, it felt like a punch to the gut. If it wasn’t for me, none of them would experience this unbearable pain.
For the past week, I had to deal with the realization that the information I’d gathered on Agent Revels caused my godfather to commit suicide. Did I have any regrets? No because it helped the man that I loved get closure on a terrible part of his life andtwo innocent souls got the justice they deserved. But the truth destroyed the lives of people, I considered family. And the truth didn’t assuage the guilt I felt for that destruction.
My actions caused this. I’d heard it all week from my parents and my sister, that I should have minded my own business. But how could I have known it would lead to him doing something like this? They had so much disgust for me right now, I was even surprised none of them tried to keep me from coming to the funeral. Maybe it was because they didn’t know I was here since we stood behind the crowd of people here to say their final goodbyes.
“You didn’t do shit, Rebel,” he said, then kissed me on the top of my head. “He put that gun to his head and pulled the trigger instead of dealing with the consequences of his actions.”
Even though J.D. spoke the truth, accepting it was difficult for me. Even if I didn’t pull the trigger, the weight of guilt settled upon me like I had handed him the gun.
The man was like a superhero in my eyes, and he tainted that vision with his confession in his suicide note. He knew exactly what Agent Revels had done to Dani and Luca. He admitted to everything, and he knew he’d have to face the consequences. J.D. had been right the entire time. He was just as crooked as Agent Revels, but I still couldn’t let the guilt go.
J.D. opened the car door, allowing me to slide into the passenger seat. Since we received the news that they discovered his body, with a gunshot wound to the head and a suicide note soaked in his blood, it felt like I had been going through the motions without being present.
I never would have imagined that he would kill himself. I considered the possibility that someone with a vendetta against him sought revenge. For a brief moment, I even thought it might have been J.D. How stupid was that after he told me, he wouldn’t do anything to him?
J.D.’s door closing jolted me back to reality. I wiped away the remaining tears from my face, feeling the wetness against my fingertips. What was the point of crying? It changed nothing.
“I just want to forget all this shit happened.”
With his confession, not only did I lose someone I looked up to, but it felt like I’d lost my entire family because they blamed me for all of this.
As we pulled out of the cemetery, his grip on my hand tightened, providing comfort during my grief. The same cemetery Dani and Luca were buried in. Shaking my head at that thought, I couldn’t help but marvel at the amazing man sitting beside me. He came with me to the funeral of a man who was involved in the death of his family because he loved me. I didn’t even ask him to come because I didn’t think he should, given the circumstances, but because I needed him, he decided to be there with me.
“You’re amazing,” I said when I looked at him. “I don’t deserve you.”
He looked at me like nothing else in the world mattered. Like it was just him and me against the world. It was a look I was getting used to seeing more and more since he took me to Dani and Luca’s grave.
“I’m glad you think I’m amazing, but I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. I’ve been stuck in the past for a long time and had a hard time letting go. You showed me there’s more to this life than living in the past. You showed me, I deserved to be happy again. You make me happy, Rebel Pierce.”
“You make me happy too, J.D.,” I said, wiping away the tear that slipped from my eye. “Even if it doesn’t seem so right now.”
“You have to let everything go, sweetheart,” he said, as we pulled onto the highway. “You did what was right. It’s always up to us how we handle the truth. It’s always up to us how we dealwith the consequences of our actions. We hold the decisions in our hands. No one else.”
“I know, I just can’t believe he lied to me. To everyone.”
He shrugged. “He showed people what they wanted to see, Rebel. But I don’t believe that changed how he felt about you or his family. He just made bad choices, and, in the end, it cost him his life. It’s not your fault because you put the truth out there or how he handled that truth.”
“Where are we headed?” I asked, changing the subject.
I was tired of talking about everything and J.D. was right. It would just take time for it to sink in that this wasn’t my fault, and that I did nothing wrong.
“We’re going to the clubhouse to get my bike. We’re going for a ride.”
I couldn’t help but smile. He’d promised me when he thought I was healed enough that he’d take me on his bike. I was so excited. The way he had explained the feeling, I wanted to experience.
“But I’m not dressed to ride on your bike.” I looked down at my dress. It wasn’t tight, but it wasn’t a pair of pants. “I don’t want everyone seeing my ass if I can help it.”
He laughed. “I don’t want anyone seeing your ass either.”
I rolled my eyes.
“What you have on is fine,” he said, waving away my concern. “It’s long enough to cover everything.”
As we pulled up to the clubhouse, a surge of excitement washed over me. This had been a real shitty week, and I was ready for things to start looking up for me…for us.
Once we stepped out of the car, he immediately grasped my hand, guiding me towards one of the sexiest motorcycles I’d ever seen. It looked like something J.D. would drive.
