Page 5 of Carnal Desire
“Have you tried online?” she asks, and my brows dip in confusion. “Elijah says there are things like Club Desire that you can experience online from the comfort of your home. You never have to meet anyone unless you want too.”
“I’ve never thought about trying something like that.”
“Me either, but Elijah said the sites are discreet and a lot of people who are afraid to actually come to a place like Club Desire will go this route instead. He’s actually been thinking about expanding Club Desire with the same concept so he can increase his membership with people who want to be members but want to experience it from the comfort of their home.”
From the safety of my home, I might be able to sate the need without actually having the physical contact with anyone. This might work.
“What would I have to do?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know but we can definitely find out.”
Toomanyglassesofwine and four hours later, I’m curled up in my bed at home with my laptop, where I feel the safest. I take Laila’s advice and complete a profile on one of those sites, hoping it helps me get rid of the fear I have so I can get back to the person I was before he took everything away from me.
Elijah recommended I try,Carnal Desire, a BDSM online community. Apparently, the exclusive site offers everything I need to slowly get back into the lifestyle. With the amount of money, I paid for the membership, I hope it helps because this may be the last thing that can get me past this.
I’ve done all the traditional routes. I tried therapy, thinking maybe it would work, but it didn’t. I’ve tried doing things by myself, but that didn’t work either. If this doesn’t work, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I guess result to masturbating to porn until I die, which doesn’t sound great, but I guess isn’t the worse thing.
“God, I hope this works.”
I scroll through the many features ofCarnal Desirewhich surprisingly is fairly easy to navigate. The site has a secure messaging section, and members can make contact with other members without sharing any personal details. There’s a live video chatroom where members can watch live video feeds or talk to other members. There’s also a location section where members can actually plan meetups, and a section where you can find the dates of live BDSM events, or fetish parties. I’m more interested in the matches that I’ve already been paired with from my profile. All the other features will come in handy after I find a Dom willing to deal with my issues.
I need someone who’s going to take it easy on me from the very beginning. Someone who will help me reestablish trust with the process of having a fulfilling Dominant/Submissive relationship. Then maybe I can take the steps to return to the Club Desire in the capacity that I once did.
So far, no one interests me. Most of the profiles seem superficial or they look like creeps. Their interests don’t seem genuine, and many appear to be on this site just to get an easy lay and not really to experience real connection through BDSM. I’m looking for a real connection. Someone I can have confidence in and who won’t fuck me over. I also want someone who’s in Chicago, so that dwindles the matches down to only a few prospects.
I cut down my choices to four profiles. As I read through those four profiles, my eyes zero in on one in particular. His profile picture is of the Chicago skyline at night, and his username isBillionaire Playboy.
“Interesting name,” I mumble as scroll through his interests. “Business ventures, control, and sex. Straight to the point.”
I notice the little green dot on his profile picture which means he’s online. Maybe I’ll send him a message. “I wonder if he’ll respond?’”
I’m nervous, but this is what I’ve signed up for. I’m in the safety of my home. Nothing can happen to me here. I take in a deep breath, then release it, blowing out my nervous energy.
“Fuck it. I’m on here to meet someone. Might as well take the leap.”
I press the message button, then type out a simple question, and hit send.
Now I wait.
3
Brian
The instant message box pops up on my screen and shock moves through me. Normally, when I get onCarnal Desire, I just roam the live feeds never really conversing with anyone. And believe it or not, I’ve never had anyone message me. I only use the website when I don’t want to go to a club, but still want to experience the lifestyle in some fashion, since I don’t have a submissive and haven’t had one in a long time.Carnal Desireis unconventional, but it works for me.
I don’t click on the message immediately, but I do look at the profile of the sender. The site is exclusive, but you can never be too careful. Although people pay a huge amount of money to become members, some aren’t looking to enjoy the lifestyle at all.
Immediately my eyes are drawn to what she has written on her wall. What she desires to find on the site.
Submissive looking for a Dominant to help rebuild trust.
That means she’s a part of the lifestyle, which is a plus. If they lost trust, it would involve some retraining, but it won’t be like starting from the beginning. I don’t really have the time to properly train someone who has never been a part of the lifestyle. For us to achieve that goal we don’t have to involve any club unless we get to that point where we want to move things offline. Definitely convenient since I travel a lot.
I go through her interests, and they all are pretty standard for someone who isn’t just looking for sex but an actual Dominant to help them through the process of restoring confidence in a Dom and the lifestyle as a whole.
Something inside me shifts and excitement for what may happen engulfs me. For all the years I’ve been a part of the scene, I haven’t been truly connected to anyone since Tara. And when that ended, my experience with the lifestyle was simply for sex and I avoided all real relationships with subs. I went to the club and did scenes with different women each time I went. That’s not what I’m looking for anymore.
This woman whose profile name isLost Angel, is looking for something different. A real connection which is fucking intriguing to me. Also, her profile picture wasn’t of her face or tits, which is what you see a lot of, but it’s a black and white photo of her bare back, holding a glass of wine, while looking out over the city skyline.
