Page 17 of Bound By Sin
I sighed and strolled toward her. When I reached the bed, I ran my fingers down her cheek, loving her velvety soft skin against my fingertips and the way she leaned into my touch. I missed touching her so much.
“I’m not mad at you, my love.”
Her shoulders deflated, and her eyes softened in relief.
“I’m mad and disappointed in myself for leaving you. I’m mad at myself for not explaining the reason I had to go and causing you to resort to doing this shit to yourself.”
I ran my fingers over the puckered flesh again, shaking my head at the disappointment in myself and the decisions I made. She meant the world to me, and I had caused her more harm than I imagined at the time—unforgivable harm in my book. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t try every day until the day I went to Hell to fix it and make shit right between us.
“But you also know the rules, my love.” I pulled my hands away from her marred skin. “You do not do this to yourself.Ever.Whether I’m around or not.”
I will always be there for her from here on out.
Tears welled in her eyes. “But I needed it.”
I sighed, my heart seizing in my chest at her confession. “I know you did, sweetheart.”
When I decided to leave, I didn’t think about whether she’d find someone to satisfy her need. I was more concerned with making a clean break for us both. I was a selfish bastard. I saw that now. In the end, my attempt to protect her from my world still caused her pain.
“And I understand why you did it, but you could have seriously hurt yourself, Tara. You have to know that, right?”
She nodded. “I know, Sir.”
I kissed her forehead, and her eyes briefly closed. She knew I only wanted the best for her. Always. No amount of time apart would ever change that.
Chapter five
TARA
My mind was racing so fast, it was hard to grasp what the hell was actually happening. I watched Valentino Cavallaro, the love of my life and the father of my only child, here in Chicago at Club Desire, pour the small bag of pebbles onto the hardwood floor. There was no doubt in my mind I’d missed him. There was also no doubt my body had too.
Despite the embarrassment of knowing he knew what I had done to myself, arousal covered my inner thighs, glistening in the light of the candles while my entire body trembled with anticipation. I should have been mortified by my body’s reaction to someone I hadn’t seen or been with in almost twenty years.
I always loved how Valentino took care of my needs. How he looked at me like I was the very air that kept him breathing. Tonight was no different. My body knew it was him that it had craved all this time. It had for the past eighteen years.
There wasn’t any question; I deserved my punishment. We’d discussed in great detail about how I wasn’t to self-inflict, but the need to feel the pain overcame my rationality at times. However, no matter how much I craved pain—most days—an indescribable feeling assaulted me. One other than the need to feel the euphoria pain gave me.
I needed him in my space like I needed air to breathe. I needed him like my body needed my brain to function.
I wanted his love. I wanted his presence. I wanted him so I’d feel like me again. So, I’d feel whole.
I just needed him.
However, what made today different from the last time I’d seen him? He was still the same person who’d left me without an explanation. The same person who didn’t give a damn about me or what we shared, at least not enough to tell me he was leaving. The same person who shattered my heart into a million fucking pieces without a second thought.
Just like years ago, danger still surrounded him. I’d dare to say he was more dangerous now than he was back then. So, absolutely nothing had changed, except we were both older, me a mother and him a mafia Don.
Despite everything that went against us happening, in this moment, I understood I couldn’t have the feeling of completeness without him. Unless it was him satisfying my needs, I could never be completely fulfilled. I would never be whole—a hard pill to swallow, but it was the truth.
It was the reason he was so unhappy with the marks on my thighs. I thought I could do it alone. Fill the emptiness inside me that happened when he left and only got worse the longer we were apart. It pained him that I had taken it upon myself to do what he understood only he could give me.
I watched the candle flames dance while I waited with bated breath for him to give me his next command, thinking about this entire situation. He’d left me with no choice but to take things into my own hands.
I didn’t know until now how angry I’d been at him for leaving me. Heartbroken? Yes. I grieved the loss of him every day. But anger? No. I never realized how much fury I carried. Maybe that was why I had taken it upon myself and didn’t really open myself up to anyone who could have given me what I needed. I never gave another man a chance to become a big part of my life.
Maybe doing harm to myself like I had promised him I would never do was my way of punishing him for leaving me. Doing something I knew he’d hate. My way of saying “Fuck you” for leaving me since I couldn’t tell him face to face.
“Come here,Stellina,” he called out to me, pulling me from my thoughts.
