Page 8 of Nomad
“But nothing can ever happen between us,” I continued, and Angie’s stiff posture relaxed against me. Hope glistened in her eyes again. Hope that changed nothing I’d already said to her. I could not give her what she wanted. “I made peace with the realization a long time ago.”
Jade and I could never be together, and saying the words broke my heart.
“If there can be nothing between you two, why can’t we make this work between us? We can try, William.” She removed herself from my hold and cupped my face in her small hands. Tears clung to her long lashes. “We could have something amazing if you give us a chance. I can make you love me.”
I shook my head, removed her trembling hands from my face, causing them to fall limply at her sides. “Ang, I’m a selfish bastard and have been these last few years. But I’m not that selfish. I’ve strung you along long enough, don’t you think?”
I stepped away from her, grabbed her yellow sundress from the floor, and handed it to her. She always wore something with the color since I’d told her it was my favorite on her.
“I’ve tried to love you with everything in me and it hasn’t worked. You shouldn’t have to make someone love you. You deserve someone who can love you wholeheartedly.”
She shook her head and tried to speak, but I placed my finger against her trembling lips.
“Yes, you do, sweetheart. You deserve the world and someone who can give you their heart. I’m not that man. Someone already has mine, and there’s nothing that can change it. Not even me.”
I walked to the foot of the bed, grabbed my discarded blue jeans from the floor, and slid them over my naked frame while she reluctantly pulled her dress over her head and pulled her sandals onto her feet. This was it. I should have done it a long time ago, but I’d enjoyed my time with her. Great conversation and even better sex. I’d believed I’d needed to make the effort deceiving myself into thinking there could be more between us.
There can never be more with anyone, except Jade.
Although it ended this way between us, I would never regret the time I’d shared with Angie. I only regretted not letting her know the truth from the beginning. Loving her was impossible because I loved someone else.
Not wasting any more time, I made my way down the spiral metal staircase, walked through the foyer, and opened the front door. I felt relieved when the warm desert breeze hit me in the face. The sensation was freeing. Telling her the truth was freeing.
I didn’t need to look behind me to know she followed. Her reluctant footsteps sounded behind me. She stood in the open doorway, and the sadness in her eyes made me feel worse than when we were talking, though still not enough to change my mind. It was the right thing to do for her.
For me.
“So, this is it?” Her voice trembled and unshed tears remained in her eyes. “Three years together, and it ends like this.”
I didn’t miss the bitterness of her tone, but she had every right to her feelings. This wasn’t the easiest thing for me, either, no matter how it might have seemed to her. I hadn’t sought out to hurt her. Despite being hard, it needed to be done. For the both of us.
“I really am sorry, Ang.” I braced my hand on the open door. “I don’t regret the time we shared, and I wish things could have been different.”
“Things could be different if you tried harder.”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized again, sounding like a broken record but not taking the bait. I understood her anger, but arguing about this would change nothing, only get her more upset. “I can’t try harder than I already have. It’s not you, it’s me.”
She scoffed. Yes, it was a cheesy line assholes used when they ended things after getting what they wanted, but it was the truth. What happened had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me manning the fuck up and taking responsibility for my feelings. And leaving women the hell alone who wanted a commitment from me when I knew, good and damn well, I couldn’t give them one.
“But you’re a wonderful woman.” I tried to lessen the blow, if possible. “There’s someone out there for you.”
“Yeah.” She chuckled although there wasn’t any humor in the sound. “I thought I’d found him. We see how that worked out for me.”
“Angie…”
She pressed her open lips to mine one last time, cutting off another apology. I’d never apologized to anyone in my fucking life as many times I’d apologized to her tonight. Raising my mouth from hers, I gazed into her crystal blue eyes filled with hurt and pain for the last time. Hurt and pain I had put there. It would be hard to forgive myself for what I’d done, but there wasn’t any way I could fix her heartache. I would not change my mind on where I stood. She fell in love with the wrong man because I loved someone else. I could only hope it got better in time, and she found the man really meant for her.
The ringing of my burner cell phone from upstairs caused me to take a much-needed step away from her and close this chapter of my life for good.
“Take care of yourself, Ang.”
“You, too,” she responded. “I love you, William.”
I said nothing back, although she wished I had. But what more could I say? I’d lied to her enough and wouldn’t continue to do so. She deserved so much more than what I had given her these past three years.
Her shoulders slumped in despair at my silence. She turned and rushed to her car. I watched as she pulled out of my driveway, her red taillights disappearing into the night for the last time, then closed the door.
I blew out a breath. Both relief and sadness covered me. It needed to be done, but I would miss her. I couldn’t deny that.
