Page 26 of Nomad
Unexpected but grateful.
I snuggled closer to William, loving every minute of the warmth and comfort he provided. His embrace tightened around me as he languidly moved his fingers through my hair.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” I confessed.
“You? I can’t believe this is happening,” he said, but his words were full of sadness, or maybe regret. I prayed it wasn’t.
“Do you regret what happened between us?”
“Not regret, Jade,” he said, but sadness continued to lace his words. “I love you.”
“So why haven’t you contacted me?” I asked, and his hand paused mid-stroke. “That day at the cemetery, you said you’d keep in touch, but you never did. I waited to hear from you.”
I hadn’t really realized how much it actually hurt he’d purposefully cut me out of his life after we had become so close. For years, I wondered why. I understood if he needed to move on with his life, but he had to know how important he was to Junior. To me. Junior’s birthday cards and the flowers for Aaron’s grave that came every year were the only ways we knew he was alive.
“Because I fell in love with you,” he said after my question lingered between us for a few minutes.
I left his embrace and propped up on my elbow, facing him. Tracing the clear-cut lines of his strong, rigid, and devastatingly handsome profile, he appeared to be a person who demanded instant obedience.
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand. That should be the reason you stayed.”
He propped his hands behind his head and turned his head to look at me. “You’re the widow of my closest friend, Jade.” Raw hurt glittered in his dark eyes. “He asked me to take care of his family, and I betrayed him when I fell in love with you.”
“I understand.” I nodded and let my fingertips trail over his lips. He kissed the tips. “I felt that way too when I realized I loved you. It took me falling into a deep depression and speaking to a therapist to come to grips with the fact I fell in love with my late husband’s friend. Guilt riddled me until talking to someone helped me realize moving on with my life was a good thing. I deserved to move on with my life.”
“You went into a depression after I left?” he asked, his voice full of concern.
“I did.”
“I’m sorry, Angel. I should have been here for you. I was stupid to leave, but I thought it was the best way not to break my promise to Aaron.”
I leaned forward and pecked his lips. “You have nothing to apologize for, William. You were fighting against what you thought was wrong, like me.” I rubbed my thumb across the creases of his forehead. “You were protecting yourself.” I placed my hand on his chest. “Protecting your heart.”
“It’s been so hard, Jade,” he confessed.
The gut-wrenching pain in his voice was hard to hear. He’d struggled with his feelings for me and his loyalty to his friend. I understood his struggle because it was my own. I’d struggled to come to grips with my love for him and my loyalty to my late husband, too.
“Not seeing you and Junior has been the most difficult time in my life.” His brows drew together in an agonized expression. “I’ve tried to move on, but it didn’t work out.”
“So, who was the redhead at the charity ride?” I huffed. While I didn’t have a reason to ask about the women in his life, jealousy was a bitch. I wanted to know if this thing between us was real like he said. Like I felt it was. “I know I don’t have a right to ask, but I want to know—”
“You want to know if she’s someone I tried to move on with,” he said, completing my thought. “No. She’s a club whore. No one important.” He drew in a deep breath and released it, pulling my body into his embrace. “She was someone I used to forget about you.”
“So, you met no one the entire time you’ve been away?” I asked, though I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know. I was sure he’d been with other women, including the redhead, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear about it.
“I met someone,” he said, and my heart banged against my chest.
Sorrowfulness laced his words. Was she still around? Did he use me?
I squirmed in his arms as my mind raced with thoughts of him leaving to go to someone else. Thoughts of him having what we could have had with someone else had always tormented me.
He tightened his embrace. “I ended it with her before I came to North Carolina.”
“Why?”
“Because it was the decent thing to do. She wanted marriage, and I didn’t. Angie wanted a future, and I couldn’t give her that. She was a wonderful person, but she wasn’t mine.”
“Did you love her?” The words tasted like acid in my mouth. How could he love her and me? “Do you love her?”
