Page 15 of Nomad
“I’m sorry, but it is. I’m done doing this with you, Sam. It’s over for good.” I wrapped my arm around Junior. “Sweetie, let’s go. The mayor’s waiting.”
With my son in my embrace, I walked away from Samuel. There wasn’t any way in hell I’d ever go back to him. This was the last straw. He wasn’t ready for a relationship involving a widow with a child. There was enough room in my heart to honor my late husband and whoever I was in a relationship with, too. Samuel would never see it. If he didn’t always take center stage in my life, he got pissed. I wouldn’t argue over whether I could honor Aaron to anyone, especially the man I was in a relationship with. Aaron would always be in our lives. No one would change that.
“I’m so glad you broke up with him,” my son said, bringing me out of my thoughts. I didn’t miss the relief in his voice. “He was never as nice to you as he should have been.”
“What do you mean?”
“I remember how Daddy and William treated you. They opened doors for you when we went somewhere. They made you laugh and smile, especially when you were sad. When you’re with Sam, you’re always frowning.”
“Frowning?”
“Yes. And y’all argue all the time. So, I know you’re not happy, Ma.”
“When have you heard us argue?”
He ignored my question. “William always said I was the man of the house now that Daddy wasn’t around, and it was up to me to take care of you. Sam wasn’t good enough for you, but I know you liked him, so I didn’t want to ruin it for you.”
“You can’t ruin anything, sweetie. And it’s over now.” I pulled my son closer to me and kissed him on the top of his head.
I glanced over my shoulder. Sam stood in the same spot, glaring at me. I turned away, not liking the fear shrouding me. Sam never scared me, but the coldness in his eyes said maybe I should be.
“It’s you and me, kid.”
“That’s cool with me.”
Sam would always be around because of my brother, but I needed to move on from him for good. The tension between us was only getting worse, and he was getting more secretive. Being in a lopsided relationship wasn’t healthy for me or my son. Samuel Allen didn’t need to be in my life anymore, especially now that the man I loved was back.
Chapter Four
SANDMAN
Five years ago…
The crisp fall morning air chilled my skin despite my heavy leather cut and white long sleeve thermal shirt underneath. Newly turned earth, freshly mowed grass, and fresh flowers placed on graves added to the gloom of the day.
As I kneeled next to Aaron’s grave in the dew saturated grass, I ignored the cool wetness seeping through my blue jeans.
“Aaron Milan, loving husband, father, and friend.”
My fingers moved across the epitaph on the wet, polished headstone, then over the oval picture of Aaron attached to it.
We’d had the conversation about burial places, once, while we were waiting for our next orders while passing the time. One of our fellow brothers had died, and most of the unit got into a debate about burial places. I didn’t want to be buried at all. I wanted my ashes scattered into the ocean. I had no one to visit my grave anyway, so I didn’t see the point of taking up space for someone whose family needed a plot so they could visit their loved one. Aaron didn’t want to be buried at Arlington because he wanted his family to visit him whenever they felt the need to.
This wasn’t the first time I’d visited him as I struggled with my emotions. I’d been at his gravesite in the small Charlotte cemetery for more than an hour, imploring for his forgiveness with everything I had in me, waiting for any sign that he heard my plea. A smell, a small breeze, a kick in the ass... anything telling me he’d forgiven me for what I’d done. But I received nothing.
I’d betrayed one of my closest friends and didn’t deserve his forgiveness. I deserved his silence.
I wasn’t a person who showed much emotion, especially crying. I didn’t think I’d shed a tear since the age of seven or eight. My bastard father believed if a man cried, it showed weakness. He expected me to behave like a man because in his eyes, I was no longer a child. I had to grow up quickly. However, as I stared at the last resting place of the man who I considered a friend and the closest person I’d ever had to a brother, it was hard to keep the tears from flowing. If my father were here, he’d kick my ass for showing such weakness.
My chest tightened as the self-loathing thoughts bombarded me. But the betrayal encompassing me, I couldn’t run from. I’d betrayed him. Aaron used to appear to me in my dreams, reminding me what he asked of me in that godforsaken letter he’d handed me that day. Now, I see him when awake. I saw him every time I looked at Jade or Junior, the guilt getting more pronounced.
“I can’t take it anymore, bro.” I gripped the headstone marking his grave. I hoped, wherever he was, he accepted my decision to leave. I prayed he forgave me for not being able to live up to what I promised him. “No matterhow much I want to stay, I can’t. I can’t be here and not turn my back on you, Aaron.”
After I returned stateside, I’d read Aaron’s letter, as promised. It stated that if anything happened to him, he wanted me to look after his family. To make sure his son and wife understood his decision not to retire, and that he died doing what he loved. And while he’d stayed in the military, it never lessened his love for them. He looked at me as his brother, and there was no one else he considered worthy enough to have the responsibility of looking after what was most precious to him—his family.
Then I had one more conversation with him over the phone before he died, and promised him if anything happened, I would do as he asked. So, when I got the call he’d died on a covert ops mission, less than a month after our last phone call, I ran to North Carolina to fulfill my duty to him. Like I promised.
Jade and Junior accepted me into their lives with open arms, and I stepped in when she needed me to. If Junior needed help with a sporting event, I supported him as his father would. Or if Jade was having a difficult time accepting the death of her husband, I was her shoulder to cry on and someone to blame. Whatever she needed from me, I provided to the best of my ability. However, despite the time we spent together, I never expected to love his son as my own or fall in love with his wife. I reminded myself constantly they were Aaron’s family, not mine. Now, it was too painful to remain in their lives and continue to be loyal to one of my closest friends, even in death.
