Page 102 of Bottoms Up
I’ve managed to get a little farther into his head while he sleeps, and I can see that he’s not ready for a romantic relationship and isn’t likely to be for many years. I still can’t see his deepest, darkest secrets, but it’s clear the military fucked him up. He can maintain and pretend to be okay, but he really isn’t.
I want to help him, but I’m pretty sure you’d have to break him something awful before you could help put him back together, and I’m not sure he’d survive the process. Also, as Marco said, if we insist on therapy or anything close to it, he’ll likely quit and find other employment. Being close to us is helpful, though. It’s a symbiotic relationship — he trusts us to see to his needs, and we trust him to keep us safe. Maybeeventually, that trust can help him heal enough to take a bigger step toward being okay.
I’ve been busy making preparations to host a few Master Vampires at Homewood this week. Not a summit, nothing like that, just a friendly meeting of the four most powerful vampires in the new Senatus, plus Gavin since he and Zander are so closely aligned. Also, I’m pretty sure, because it brings Lauren to Homewood for a visit.
It bothered me when Benji basically invited himself to the house while the vampires would be here, but I didn’t mention it to Silver.
However, everything made sense when Benji organized a meeting with Marco, Zander, Silver, and me — and he talked about the fact he and Silver both want to be vampires, and they want to be turned by the same maker, so they’ll be vampire siblings.
I, of course, want Silver turned by Marco, so she’ll be here those first decades, but I listened to Marco and Zander talk through the pros and cons of one versus the other.
In the end, Silver and Benji decided on Zander, and they set a date for three and a half years out. Zander recommended they plan it for when the nights are longer, because sometimes new vampires can’t survive the length of a summer day in Alaska.
And that was a whole different concern of mine — the fact about fifteen percent of people who are bitten don’t survive the transformation, and another ten to fifteen percent never find the control necessary to live in society.
But Silver is made of strong stuff. She’ll be fine. She has to be.
But what if she wasn’t? What if I lost her?
I shook my head. Madness lay along too manywhat ifscenarios. We had three and a half years to prepare Silver for what was to come. Plenty of vampires are turned with zero prep,and they do just fine. I’m an anomaly, a slave all my life and then not properly trained after.
She’d be fine.
I was beyond surprised when Marco negotiated for me to arrive in Alaska two months after Silver is bitten, to work for Zander. I’ll be there four months, and Marco expected me to learn a lot so I could return to him and make suggestions of how Marco can be more efficient.
Silver and I have been through hell to earn this quiet. We’ve fought monsters, demons, old masters, our own pasts. I’d trade blood and pain for this peace a thousand times over.
* * * *
Silver
The bracelet is apparently gone for good, which is a huge relief, but its echo still haunts me a little, if I think about it too much. Whatever had been inside it had gotten too close — had used me. I hated that. It made me want fangs of my own.
My brother came to stay with us once our place was ready for guests. We don’t have a guest bedroom, but we’d installed a Murphy bed in the office/workout room, so I have a place to sleep when I want to wake to sunshine. He could’ve stayed in the main house, but it was nice having him close, just the three of us.
I finally got to take Benji to the T-Wall. I know every route inside and out by now, I’ve done them so many times, which means I kicked my big brother’s ass. Loudly. With glee.
We spent the better part of two days on it and didn’t even manage half the routes. He plans to come back so we can do it some more. It was great having him in my home, letting him see this life I’ve made, from the inside.
It took Julian and me about a week to figure out the new sex rules in our new house. To put it simply, Julian can use me for sex anytime he wants, but I’m only formally submissive tohim when he puts my wrist cuffs on. Mostly, quickie sex is just a hand-spanking or maybe his belt, and then he fucks me. Or sometimes he just fucks me. Full scenes, he puts my cuffs on, and then all the other toys may or may not come out, but at least a couple of them usually do.
It’s the best of both worlds — I’m my own person in all the important ways, but I get to be owned by someone sexually. Claimed, held, used. I love it. I lovehim.
I told Will the timeline for me to be turned into a vampire. I figured he’d want me to resign when the big day neared, so he could replace me, but he didn’t even blink. Just nodded and said, “We have time to plan. We’ll make it work.”
He’s always been solid. Once he chose us and we all meshed, that was it. We’re a family, and families figure shit out.
Most likely, we’ll do another huge tour right before I go, and then we’ll fill in with videos of me playing new material until I’m able to be in public around humans again.
Can we go ten years without a tour? Some vampires are safe around humans sooner, most take a whole lot longer, but based on what I’ve been told, that’s my goal.
Benji’s aiming to be back on his computer and doing his job at two to three years, and safe around humans in six. If he can manage it that fast, I will, too, but I’m aiming for two years before I can do short social media videos, three years until I can do promo videos with the band, and ten years before I can go back on tour with them.
Benji had gone back home that morning, and Julian was busy at Homewood, helping Marco.
I needed air, trees, sky.Stillness. I grabbed my electric bike and rode out past the edge of Homewood’s land, into the Prentice Cooper Forest.
I ended up at Snooper’s Rock, a massive slab of sandstone perched high above our own Grand Canyon, full of trees andgreen, with the Tennessee River snaking its way through the mountains, carving lazy curves through the valley floor, and catching the silver of the moon in flashes.
