Page 49 of Avalanche
Well, not alone. Seth’s beside me, drying the last of the dishes.
“You go.” Seth nudges my arm with his, giving me one of those gentle smiles before reaching up to put away a stack of clean plates. “They’re probably waiting for you.”
I sincerely doubt that.
“I should shower first. And maybe change.”
Which means it’s going to be ages before I get into Lily’s room. Liam and Antoine usually spend forever in the shower. God knows what they’re doing in there. Whatever it is, there’s usually no hot water by the time I get in.
Seth turns from the cupboard, looking me up and down, considering. “That’s probably a good idea,” he agrees.
My foot taps against the linoleum, the excitement from earlier turning to something sharper. Something closer to panic. I’m going to miss out. Again. And yes, I realise it’s a selfish thought. But maybe I am selfish. And greedy. Because no matter how much I get of Lily, I always want more.
And not just with sex—though, yeah, obviously I always want that. But everything. Her time. Her smiles. Just her.
I scrub at my face, wincing at how wrinkled and soft my hands are from the soapy water. She’s not going to want me to touch her with hands like that. I let out a defeated sigh.
“Maybe I’ll just go to bed…”
“No.”
Seth grips my shoulder, turning me effortlessly to face him. The softness from earlier is gone, replaced by something harder. Something more real. I blink up at him, a strange satisfaction rising up at the sight of him putting away his mask.
“No?” I ask, daring to challenge him, even though I’ve seen his knuckles swollen and coated with another man’s blood.
He shakes his head, his jaw ticking. “No,” he repeats, bending to bring himself to my level. “You’re not selling yourself short.”
I am short, I almost say, and I can hear the bitterness in those words in my head. At least, I feel short right now, next to him.
“You’re not going in there,” I snap back accusingly.
He grins, but it’s a sharp-edged thing, full of silent danger. “No. I’m not.”
“So why should I?” I ask. “Maybe I don’t want to go in there.”
Which is a stupid thing to say since I was practically begging to be invited to the next orgy when we ate dinner.
Seth gives me a deadpan look. His hand feels heavy on my shoulder. I dart a glance at it, at those fingers the size of sausages gripping my clavicle like a vice.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he says. “But Lily will be waiting for you. Expecting you. How do you think she’ll feel if you don’t show up? If you just go to bed after all the things you said to her?”
I swallow, my mouth suddenly feeling dry. She probably won’t notice, I want to say. She’s got Matty in there already. Liam and Antoine will probably join them soon. Why the fuck would she care if I’m there or not when she’s got the three of them?
“She’d be disappointed,” Seth says, answering for me when I stare up at him in silence.
His eyes narrow, like laser-beams pointing to my very soul. I shiver despite myself, even as I want to gloat in triumph. You’re just as fucked up as me, aren’t you, I want to taunt him. Deep down, beneath all that niceness, you’re just as angry as I am.
“I’m not going to let you disappoint her, Eddie.” His fingers tighten on my shoulder, not hard, not even bruising, but a reminder. I bite the inside of my cheek and glare back at him and wonder what he would do to me if I pushed him, really pushed him. “You don’t want to disappoint her, do you? To hurt her?”
My stomach lurches at the thought. No. No, I don’t want to hurt Lily. I can’t imagine anything worse.
I shake my head, the admission ghosting over my lips. “Nah, man.”
He looks at me hard, eyes flicking between my own as if searching for some answer. He must find it, because he squeezes my shoulder once then drops his hand, giving a short decisive nod.
“Good.”
The doorway to the bathroom opens. We both hear it at the same time, the tell-tale creak of hinges that need oiled, the thudding of footsteps on carpet. My heart lurches, nerves tightening like lightning through my veins. I straighten, ball my hands into fists.
