Page 30 of Avalanche
I dare a look in his and Liam’s direction, nerves fluttering inexplicably in my stomach. Are they okay with what just happened? Did I do something wrong by kissing Antoine?
I lick my lips; certain I can taste the echo of him there still.
If it was wrong, I don’t regret it. I don’t want to come in between him and Liam of course. I’d feel terrible if I did that.
But I don’t think I’ll ever regret kissing Antoine.
Antoine casts me and Lily a sleepy, sated smile. There is none of the usual sharpness in those green eyes, just a languid sort of happiness. Liam turns his head, following Antoine’s movement. There’s an openness to his expression I’ve never seen before, vulnerability flashing in the twist of his mouth, in the widening of his eyes. A silent question.
For me, I realize. He’s worried about me. It takes me a moment, several thudding beats of my heart against Lily. But I get there, eventually.
“I’m okay,” I tell him, then frown at the sound of my own words. At how poorly they explain how I’m feeling.
I feel like I’ve been cut free of something. Like I’ve jumped out of a plane at altitude only to be snapped up by my parachute above the clouds. Like I’ve made it through a raging fire to find that I’m completely unscathed.
Alive. I feel alive. And, more than that, for the first time in years, I feel like maybe I actually deserve it. Like this life I have, this love I feel, it’s a gift, deposited like some treasure into my clumsy hands.
I shake my head and give Liam a smile. I probably look like an idiot, but I don’t care.
“Well. I’m definitely not straight,” I tell him decisively.
Chapter 9
Eddie
“Your parents are not normal. You know that, right?”
Seth huffs a laugh as he stares at the blank screen of his phone, like he’s hoping those two overly friendly Canadians will reappear.
“Yeah. I know.” There’s a quiet sort of pride in the way he says it. Like he takes their weirdness as a compliment. He pockets the phone and gives me a wry smile. “Wait till you meet them in person.”
He says it with so much hopeful certainty, like he’s positive there is some future where the six of us will be together and meeting each other’s parents. Which is… hard to imagine, to be honest.
My parents, sure. If we all find a flat in Wanaka, they’ll make a trip down from the station to visit. Mum will bring a bottle of her wine as a flat-warming gift. Dad will bring his yappy Jack Russell that he insists is a working dog, when we all know it’s his unofficial emotional support dog for when he leaves the safety of his sheep and cattle and perfectly tended fences.
But Seth’s parents live in Canada. And I don’t see any of us going to Canada anytime soon.
“I think they seem really nice,” Lily says, shooting me a warning look. “I’d love to meet them in person one day.” She beams at Seth, that wide smile that always has my breath catching, my stomach flipping like I’ve just dropped off a cornice in backcountry.
Seth wraps one arm around her shoulder, squeezing her to him in reply. I catch Liam’s eye, expecting to see him sharing in some of my amusement, hoping for a derisive smirk at the very least. His forehead only dips, gaze going distant as if in thought, then tracking between Lily and Seth with an unreadable expression.
“Um…” Antoine clears his throat, his spine straightening as he perches on the armrest of the couch. He licks his lips, then reaches up to nervously tug at his collar. I follow the movement, noting a fresh mark on his throat. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t there yesterday. “There’s something I need to talk to you guys about. Since we’re all here.”
A frisson of dread rushes through me at his words.
I remember the way Matty, Antoine, Liam and Lily were when Seth and I got home this afternoon. The four of them, stretched out like cats in Lily’s bed, completely naked and oblivious to the world. Condoms had been littered across every surface—most of them in their wrappers, to be fair, but some of them used—and the entire condo had smelled like sex. And not in the ‘I’ve just had a fantastic time’ way, but in the ‘three guys just railed my girlfriend without me’ way.
At least I presume that’s what they’d been doing.
I swallow and stare down at the carpet from where I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor. I’m going to get cut out. The four of them will have realized that I’m just dead weight in this six-person relationship. That Lily doesn’t need me. Doesn’t want me. That I’m?—
“You know my grandfather passed away a few weeks ago,” Antoine begins, and that has my head snapping up. Because that doesn’t sound like the start of a polyamorous break up speech.
“Well…” Another cleared throat. Antoine rubs the palms of his hands on his jeans. “I don’t know if… did I ever tell you what my family does? About our business?”
I sit up straighter, a shiver of interested curiosity rushing through me.
I’ve always been interested in how people make their money. In what they do for work. It’s hard to explain it. Maybe it comes from my mum—a woman who looked at a paddock of cattle trodden soil and turned it into an award-winning vineyard with nothing but vision and hard work.
