Page 4 of The Mountain
Would he let me kiss him? I bet he tastes like sugar, like cotton candy, delightfully insubstantial and overwhelmingly sweet.
Seemingly satisfied with my response, his fingers continue their lazy stroke, twirling little patterns along the nape of my neck, twisting in those fine hairs that never seem to grow more than a few inches, no matter how long the rest of my hair is. Each touch sends my heart racing faster, the heat that had been simmering in my veins pulsing, thrumming.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs, and when my eyes flit back up to his own, his pupils are blown so wide, there’s barely more than a rim of blue. “So beautiful.”
It's hardly poetry. Guys have called me beautiful before. Women too. It’s an easy compliment to give.
But no one has ever looked at me the way he’s looking at me. With a mixture of guileless reverence and frightened hunger, like he isn’t sure whether he wants to fall to his knees and worship me, or consume me. Like he’s afraid of what he might do, given the chance.
“Matty,” I whisper, though I’m not sure what I mean to say. “Matty…”
My legs find his beneath the blankets, and I wrap one around his, my bare skin rubbing against course leg hair and thick muscle. I pull him toward me, my thighs parting as his leg slips between my own. My core pulses in response, a fluttering ache low in my belly that the faint brush of his thigh doesn’t come close to satisfying.
“Lily,” he breathes, and his eyes are wide with panic, breaths coming in short, quick pants. “Lily, baby…”
I should ask. Should move slowly, give him the chance to pull back. To say this isn’t what he wants, that I’ve got it all wrong.
I surge forward, my arm reaching around him, feathering down the length of his spine, pulling his hips toward me as I crash my mouth against his own. He gasps, a shocked, startled sound, and for a brief, horrifying moment, I think I’ve made a terrible mistake.
But then his fingers tighten, gripping the nape of my neck, pulling me against him in a kiss that is all teeth and tongue and hungry lips. It’s unpracticed and wet, his tongue diving so deep, my breath stutters, his mouth threatening to consume my own.
When he pulls back, his teeth drag along my lower lip, almost painfully, and I whimper, but then his tongue darts out to easethe sting, his breath hot against my lips as he gives a desperate-sounding groan.
“Lily, baby,” he says, and this time it sounds like a warning instead of a plea. I pull back, just enough to see his eyelids fluttering shut, his expression pinching as if in pain. “We shouldn’t… I shouldn’t…”
His hips rock against mine, and an unmistakable hardness presses against my hip. He groans, his teeth sinking into his lower lip, his eyelids fluttering open as he gives me a look that is full of desperation.
“Why not?” I ask him, my own voice raspy.
Seth’s words echo in my head, the same words that have been turning my life upside-down since he said them. That have been making me question everything I’ve ever done in my life up until moving to Utah. Up until now.
What do you want?
I want this. I want Matty.
I think I’ve wanted him for a while, even before that night I accidentally fell asleep in his bed and woke up to him telling me how much he wanted me.
I just hope he still wants me, too.
“Because…” His throat bobs, and vulnerability flashes in his eyes. “If I kiss you again, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.” There’s an edge of panic in his voice. “I want you so bad, Lily. I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” He squeezes his eyes shut, his forehead dropping to my own. I can feel his breath against my lips. “I’m crazy about you.”
I worry my lower lip with my teeth, nerves twisting uncomfortably as I consider his words. Does he mean if I kiss him, he’s expecting it to lead to sex? Is this an all-or-nothing situation to him? An ‘if you kiss me, I’ll get blue balls’ declaration?
I pull back, my back pressing against Antoine’s front as I try to create space between me and Matty. I give him a wary look, and feel an inexplicable twinge of disappointment in my chest. “I’m not ready for sex,” I tell him honestly.
Matty’s eyes widen almost comically, the color draining from his face in a sudden rush. “Sex?” he chokes. “Sex?” He shakes his head, the pallor from earlier replaced by a flush of red that reaches to the tips of his ears and down his throat, all the way to the collar of his worn T-shirt. “No. No, no, no. Lily, baby…” One hand flies up to cover his face, and he lets out a muffled groan.
I feel some of my discomfort ebb, replaced by tentative amusement.
“I wasn’t… I didn’t mean…” A second hand joins the first, hiding his face completely from view. There’s no hiding his embarrassment though. “I’m a virgin,” he blurts out, and then he drops his hands, staring at me in horror, as if he can’t believe he just admitted that.
I don’t laugh. Instead, I offer what I hope is an encouraging smile. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and fixes me with a look so full of raw openness, it almost steals my breath.
“I just meant, I’m serious about you, Lily. I’m attracted to you—of course I’m attracted to you. You’re the hottest girl I’ve ever known.”
I can’t help but smile at his earnestness, at the way he says this like it’s a complete and indisputable fact. While I’ve always felt comfortable in my body, I certainly wouldn’t objectively describe myself as the hottest girl ever. If I ever wanted proof that he’s into me, that would be it. What else has the capacity to make someone blind to reality?
“But it’s more than that. I can’t do casual with you,” he continues, his voice catching. “I can’t. If I kiss you, I want to know that you’re mine and I’m yours. There’s no giving you part of me—if you kiss me again, I’ll give you everything. And not sex. I’m not talking about sex. I mean, maybe one day?” His eyes widen, a mixture of hope and shock, like he can’t quite believe his own audacity. “Of course I would want that. With you,” he adds hurriedly, almost as if to himself. “I want everything with you. Everything. You’re it for me.”
