Page 22 of The Mountain
“That’s what I thought,” Liam bites out, sounding more disappointed than smug. “You’re a fucking coward. Just like I said.”
I swallow, my hand clenching as the familiar burst of rage skitters across my skin, hot and steadying. I latch onto it, let it fill me up, let it shore up some of my defenses. I sit upright, the covers pooling at my waist, conscious of my scarred chest, usually hidden, visible in the dim light.
Scars earned as a ten-year-old and then as a fifteen-year-old, fighting for my life, receiving a cocktail of treatments that I still don’t fully understand. Chemotherapy, radiation, drugs. In the end, it was the bone marrow from a complete stranger that saved me.
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” I hiss, fixing Liam with a glare.
Meanwhile, Lily is scrambling through the blankets for her top, hurriedly pulling it on, and shuffling to the foot of the bed, no doubt hoping to make her escape. My heart sinks, an icy sort of panic rising up at the realization that she’s going to leave. That I’ll probably never feel her body against mine again. Never see that dazzling smile directed my way, or be the recipient of her open laughter.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Stay.” Liam’s voice is heavy with command, but gentle, his expression softening as he turns to give Lily a sympathetic smile. He pats his mattress, cocking his head expectantly. “You don’t have anything to feel ashamed about, love. Stay.”
Lily pauses, her feet dangling from the edge of my bed, worrying her lip with her teeth, looking between me and Liam apprehensively.
“Stay,” I echo, the word tight in my throat. “I have some shit to tell you.” My gaze drops to my lap, the earlier rush of anger sluicing off me in the face of what I’m about to tell her.
I take a deep breath, then lift my chin, plastering on a forced half smile like a mask. Like I’m about to tell her a funny story, an amusing anecdote. Like I’m not getting ready to rip my heart out for her.
“Yeah. So. I had cancer.”
Chapter 7
Lily
“So that’s why I can’t date you,” Eddie explains, his gaze fixed on a spot on the carpet between his bed and Liam’s mattress. “I’m a ticking time bomb.” He gives a self-deprecating laugh, but it’s hollow sounding. “Cancer could come back at any time and then”—he lifts one hand, making his fingers into an imaginary pistol—“bang. Game over.”
I stare at Eddie for a long moment, then to a spot on the carpet between the two beds, and bite the inside of my cheek.How had I gotten it so wrong?I’d honestly thought that Liam had the bed and Eddie had the mattress on the floor. Of course, that hadn’t stopped me from practically jumping Eddie anyway, from rubbing myself all over him like a cat in heat…
“But you don’t have cancer now?” I ask, tugging at a loose thread on my sleep shorts, mind whirring with everything Eddie’s told me, heart still racing from accidentally falling into bed with him. “That… that was four years ago? And you might not get it again?”
Eddie huffs, hands twisting the worn fabric of his blanket. “I guess. At least, I didn’t when they last checked me. But who the fuck knows, right?”
“Right,” I say, pursing my lips, and leaning against Liam. He tugs me close to him, planting a reassuring kiss on the side of my head.
“Yeah. So.” Eddie finally looks up, brown eyes blazing in the dim light, and gives me a brittle smile. “I’m basically on borrowed time.” His throat bobs. “I can’t give you the commitment or whatever that these assholes can.” He tilts his chin in Liam’s direction, and even though he’s scowling, there’s affection there too. “Not when I don’t even know if I can give you next year. Or the year after.”
Something in me cracks at his words and I press one hand to my chest, as if that will ease the ache behind my ribs. Here he is, telling me he can’t be with me, but he’s thinking in terms ofyears. Like whatever has been growing between us is the start of something real and solid. Not just a season’s fling, but something to hold on to. Something to plan for.
As much as I adore these guys, as much as I want to pursue this thing with all of them, I’ve only been thinking about this season. I haven’t thought much about what comes after.
“Is that it?” I smile, a wide, almost painful smile spreading across my face. “Is that why you’ve been pushing me away?” A laugh bursts out of me, and I quickly lift my hand to stifle it, not wanting to wake the guys in the other room. “And here I was, thinking you didn’t like me.”
I peel myself away from Liam, then practically fling myself at Eddie. He gives a surprisedoofas I wrap my arms around him, pulling him against me.
“Did you even hear what I said?” Eddie grumbles, his words brushing my hair. “Of course I fucking like you.”
I smile over his shoulder and try to tamp down the effervescent bubble of excitement welling up in me, threatening to make me laugh again.
“I just don’t see how you would want to date me,” he mutters, but his arms slink around my back anyway, his breath warm against the side of my head.
“That’s for me to decide, isn’t it?” I murmur, but my mind is racing now.Years.He’s thinking about years. And I don’t even know what I’m doing at the end of the season.
What do you want?Seth’s words ring through the static of my thoughts, quelling some of the rising panic.
“I want to be with you,” I say, and I feel the truth in those words, heavy with certainty and permanence, even if I can’t quite see beyond the next couple months. “No matter what happens, I want to be with you.”
I want to be with all of them.
