Page 20 of The Mountain
I groan, my knees falling open beneath the bedding, the ache that’s been building in my core since yesterday morning almost unbearable. I close my eyes, remembering the way Matty’s body felt beneath mine, the heat of his cock in my hand, the burst of warmth trickling down my wrist and palm. I remember the teasing bite of Liam’s voice as he offered to teach Matty how to make me come, and then Antoine arguing that he could do the job better.
A lot of talk, and absolutely no action.
I snort, and let one hand snake down my body, dipping under the waistband of my sleep shorts, my other hand coming up to cup my breast. Heat rushes through me, the simmering embersof need quickly flaring to life as my fingers tug at my nipple, trace the swollen bud of my clit.
I bite my lip, brow dipping as I focus on the feelings, on the familiar rush, the coiling need of desire and pleasure. It feels flat somehow. Empty, pulling forth a longing from deep within that has nothing to do with coming, and everything to do with connection. With being held and touched and loved.
You have a lot of love to give.
I curl my lip at the remembered words. The words Steve gave me when convincing me that we should be nonmonogamous. I release my hold on my breast and pull my hand free of my sleep shorts. Even for him, even then, it hadn’t been about what I needed. What I wanted. It had been about what other people could take from me.
I tug the blankets up to my chin and stare unblinkingly at the ceiling. Why hadn’t he said that I needed a lot of love, that Ideserveda lot of love?
And more importantly, why hadn’t I ever thought that about myself?
I sit up, the covers pooling around my waist, a buzz of energy rushing like electricity across my bare skin, a frisson of resolve skittering down my spine.
I have four boyfriends. Surely, I shouldn’t be lying here, alone and aching for touch, desperate for release, for the warm comfort of strong arms and hot breath and soft lips. I give a nervous laugh under my breath, and swing my legs over the edge of the bed—the bed Eddie picked out for me—my feet landing on the cold, threadbare carpet with a thud.
For a long moment, I just stand there, my arms wrapping around my body, shifting on bare feet as I hesitate. Blood pounds in my ears, my hands tremble where they grip my arms, but the hunger coiling in me only grows deeper, a throbbing ache, an almost painful pull.
Soundlessly, I open my door, padding down the dark hallway before coming to an abrupt stop. Liam and Eddie’s door is on my left, Antoine, Seth, and Matty’s door is on my right. I look from one to the other, my eyes wide but mostly unseeing in the darkness, my ears straining for the sound of sleepy breaths or snores or maybe muffled voices through the doors.
I know Antoine has slept in Liam’s room before, even when Eddie complained about it.I don’t care if you guys want to hook up or whatever,he had said,but I don’t want to get woken up at two in the fucking morning by the sound of you sucking cock.I smile at the memory, at the way Eddie and Liam had glared at each other across the breakfast table.
My gaze turns to Antoine, Seth, and Matty’s door, and I worry my lip with my teeth. Would it make Seth uncomfortable if I climbed into bed with Antoine or Matty? After assuring him that I understand he’s not interested in sex, how would he feel if I sought out Antoine or Matty, right in front of him?
I remember the way Matty trembled beneath me, as much nerves as desire. I remember the way his voice caught when he admitted he didn’t know how to make me come. I want to give him the chance to learn—I want to let him explore my body, and to explore his. I don’t think sneaking into his bed while he’s sleeping is the best way to do that. And how would Matty feel if I climbed into Antoine’s bed instead? Would he worry that it was because of his inexperience? Would he feel rejected?
I look back at Liam and Eddie’s door, remembering the way Liam looked at me, his eyes full of dark promise, his voice sharp with mirth as he offered to show Matty how to make me come. I remember the feel of his hands and mouth on me in the hot tub, the way he took control of my body, the way he directed Antoine.
And then I remember Eddie’s smile, wide and open as we flew through powder. I remember the way he looked when he found me on the bathroom floor, as if he’d burn the whole world down for me. The way his eyes tracked down my towel-clad body in the hallway this afternoon, and the shuttered look of resigned hurt when I told the guys I wanted to be with them.
I squeeze my eyes shut, reach out to grip the doorknob to Eddie and Liam’s room, and hope I’m not making a terrible mistake.
Chapter 6
Eddie
I scowl into the darkness, lie on my back, and contemplate trading my pillow for Liam’s while he sleeps. My pillow smells like Matty—a mixture of sweat and cheap body spray that makes me think of my years as a boarder at an all-boys school. Fucking dire.
The school had been good enough, I guess. I hadn’t paid enough attention in class to really know. The boarding house had been a rough awakening though—fifty or so farm boys from farms and stations too far away to make the trip in each day.
I shudder and cast a glower in Liam’s direction. I bet his pillow smells like Lily. Lucky bastard.
Then I recall the way Lily looked when I pushed past her in the kitchen, and my frown deepens. I can’t even remember what I said to her—I think I thanked her for dinner? All I could think was that there was no way she really wanted me, that if she knew the truth about me, she wouldn’t date me. And the thought oftelling her the truth, of opening up that gaping emotional wound in front of her—in front of everyone—it made me want to be sick.
So I’d run. Like a fucking coward. Just like Liam had said I would.
Except he doesn’t know the reason. None of them do. And I’d like to keep it that way.
The door handle turns, and the quiet snig of metal has my whole body going tense, that instinctive fight or flight response sending adrenaline through my system before the logical side of my brain can remind myself that I’m not in danger. That I’m not in the boarding house, and no one is coming to take a piss on my shoes or draw a dick on my face.
Meanwhile, Liam sleeps, snoring through the invasion with all the blissful complacency of someone who spent their high school years safely ensconced in their family home.
A feminine silhouette appears in the sliver of gray light in the doorway, quickly disappearing as the door is pulled shut behind her. The padding of bare feet on carpet. The short, stifled huffs of breaths.
Lily.
