Page 83 of The Mountain
“Yes, sit,” I tell Seth with a smile. “Or get yourself a glass of some of our apparently disgusting wine, and then sit. Antoine and I have got this.”
My heart is racing, hands trembling as I set the table. Antoine follows my movement, lips pressed together in a frown.
“It’s nothing? Really?” he hisses in French, calling me out on my earlier lie. His breath ghosts over the back of my neck as I strain the pasta over the sink, and my pulse skitters in response, struggling between nerves and budding arousal.
I swallow, then take a deep, steadying breath, ignoring the feel of Antoine’s expectant stare. They’re all here. We’re all together. And now that Antoine knows there’s something I want to say tothem all, there’s no getting out of telling them. He’d never let me hear the end of it.
“I’m thinking about going to New Zealand,” I announce with forced levity, my back to the room, my gaze fixed on the mountain of pasta filling up the colander. “For the off-season.”
I pour the spaghetti back into the pot, then turn my attention to drizzling olive oil over the top of it, pouring more than I probably should before remembering to stop. I settle the bottle on the counter with a clatter, then turn to face the guys.
“I want to try and get my level one there,” I clarify, my gaze fixed on the linoleum floor. “See if I can become a real snowboard instructor.”
Silence fills the kitchen, the only sound the hum of the oven and the buzz of the dim overhead lights. I swear I can hear the sound of my own heart, thundering wildly behind my ribs, a frantic, desperately hopeful staccato.
“Youarea real snowboard instructor.” Liam’s voice cuts through the silence, rough as gravel. “And there’s no trying. You will get your level one.” He clears his throat. “I’ll make sure of it.”
My chest constricts almost painfully and I lift my gaze to meet his own. He’s staring back at me, gray eyes full of cold determination.
“Assuming you want my help training, that is. Do you know what mountain you want to go to?” he asks carefully, and there’s something in his expression, something vulnerable and fragile. Like ice beneath a snowdrift. Beside him, Eddie is strangely silent, brown eyes watchful as he stares between me and Liam.
“New Zealand…” Matty murmurs, leaning against the counter as if for support. “That’s… that’s far away…”
My stomach dips, an almost nauseating sensation, like free-falling in one of those rickety rides at a fair, and I realize I’ve gone about this all wrong. That I’m messing everything up.
“I… I was wondering if you guys would want to go with me?” I ask, the question coming out on a breathless exhale. “To New Zealand, I mean.”
I look at Matty, at his blue eyes, open and hopeful. At Seth, his lips parted in surprise as he rests his elbows on the table. At Antoine, his fingers curled tight around a stack of plates, green eyes blazing. At the heat blazing through Liam’s expressionless mask.
It’s Eddie’s smile that does it, that smirking look of satisfaction, more Cheshire cat than anything else.
I lift my chin, and push back the fear, powering forward despite the thundering of my heart. “I know this is still new, what we have. I know it’s probably too early to ask you to make any big life decisions or whatever.” I give a forced laugh, the sound thready even to my ears. “But I want to be with you guys. All of you. I don’t want to go home after the season is over. Don’t want to go back to university. Don’t want to give up snowboarding. But, most of all, I don’t want to give up what I have with you.”
I worry my lower lip with my teeth, my gaze dropping back down to the worn linoleum at my feet. “I want us to be together,” I breathe out, my lungs constricting around the last word, as if my body knows there should be more.
Forever. I want us to be together forever.
But how can I say that to five guys I’ve only known a few months, when our relationship is as new as last week’s snowfall? How do you ask for forever when everything could melt into nothing at the end of the season, like the winter snow capping the mountains?
“You… you want me to go to New Zealand with you?” Matty pushes off the counter, bringing himself in front of me, eyes wide, corners of his lips trembling as they turn up in a hopeful smile. “Really?” He blinks rapidly, staring down at me with unabashed awe, like I’m some treasure he’s discovered, an enchanted princess in a story, and not just a chick in a worn-out tee and gray sweats.
I nod, a foolish-feeling grin pulling at my cheeks. Something hot prickles behind my eyes, but I ignore it. “Yes. Absolutely.”
“Shit, yeah!” Eddie exclaims, slapping his hand on the table. “You’re serious, Missy? You’re coming to New Zealand?”
“We need to start looking at flats,” Liam grumbles, half to himself. “If we want to get something decent in Wanaka for all of us, we need to start looking now.”
Seth stares at me, eyes shining so bright, I swear I can see the lights from the Christmas tree reflected in them, gold and hopeful and sparkling. He gives a soft smile, throat bobbing as he gives a wordless nod.
“New Zealand,” Antoine muses, his voice a low rasp, his teeth catching his lower lip as he looks between me and Liam. “Ouais. Yes. Yes,je puis… je le veux…”
My stomach flips, an almost dizzying sense of excitement rushing through me. It’s like dropping off a cornice intobackcountry, like riding through fresh powder, like crisp snow sparkling against the dawn.
They said yes. They want this. They wantus.
Antoine’s phone rings, a taunting string of classical music. “Putain de merde.”He jolts as if electrocuted, hand flying to the pocket of his jeans as he struggles to tug out the offending device. “C’est qui…?” His eyes widen at whatever he sees on the screen, then narrow in suspicion. “Papa?”
He doesn’t answer, not right away. Instead, he stares at the screen, letting the phone ring and ring and ring, then finally fall silent. When it does, he looks up at me, expression unreadable, hand trembling.
