Page 15 of The Mountain
Relief washes over me with enough force that I can feel where my snow boots connect with the ground, can feel the blast of icy air as someone opens the door to the locker rooms, can feel the shuddered breath leaving my lungs.
Lily is fine. She’s fine, I tell myself.Matty wouldn’t have left her at home by herself if she wasn’t.And even when I know it’s true, it still isn’t enough to entirely quell the frantic thrum of my blood, the prickling under my skin that has my own past whispering all its dark secrets against my consciousness.
“You drove?” I ask, fixing on that piece of information like it’s a lifeline.
“Yep.” Matty smiles, but it’s an uncertain smile, like he can’t quite believe the answer himself. Or, maybe he does, but isn’t sure if it’s real. If it’ll stick. “But it’d be good if one of you guys could drive us home. Just. You know. Don’t want to push it.”
I take the keys from his hands, something warm and sharp expanding behind my ribs, tightening my throat. “No worries,” I tell him. “I got it.”
The drive homeis short but tense, and I realize it’s the first time the five of us have been alone together since Lily made that declaration.
I like all you guys…
Those words echoed in my head all day yesterday as I drove around with Seth to find stuff for her room. And then she had wrapped her arms around me. Smiled at me. Cried on me.
I swallow, remembering the harsh bite of panic at the feel of her body shuddering against mine, at the dampness of her tears on my shoulder.
No one ever bought me flowers before, she’d said. I’d nearly run then and there. Because I’ve never bought a girl flowers before, either.
Met up with them at parties, sure. Flirted with them. Fucked them. Made them laugh. Probably pissed a few of them off. Never had them cry on my shoulder though, and certainly never bought any of them flowers.
Girlfriend.
That’s what Tessa had called her. Except she was talking to Liam, not me, and Liam hadn’t corrected her.
Girlfriend.
Is that what I want her to be? I’m pretty sure it is. Which is… terrifying.
As we pull into the entrance of the condo’s parking lot, I let my gaze flick to the rearview mirror. To where Liam is sitting with Antoine pressed close against his side. Part of me wants to curl my lip at Liam, to tell him to stop being such a greedy fucking bastard. He’s already got a fucking boyfriend—or whatever the two of them are. Definitely more than just flatmates, that’s for sure, considering I walked in on Antoine blowing Liam just a few days ago.
So why the fuck does he need to be with Lily too?
“So. Are we going to talk about it?” Seth asks as I kill the engine. “About what Lily said the other day, I mean. About how she likes all of us.”
I unbuckle my seatbelt, contorting myself in the driver’s seat so I can spin to face him. He gives me an expectant smile, brown eyes gentle and patient as he looks from me to Matty, then to Antoine and Liam.
Everything about him is open and genuine. Kind. You’d never guess he almost murdered a guy a few days ago.
“Not sure what there is to say,” I retort, my lips pulling into a frown. “I know you think we can all date her, but you have to know that’s kind of crazy, right? Like, people don’t do that…”
“Why not?” Seth asks, and this time his jaw ticks, blue eyes flaring withsomethingin the fading winter light. Something dark and angry hidden behind soft words and a gentle smile. And maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I think I like him more for that.
I like that, inside, beneath that veneer of calm, he’s really just as angry as me.
He leans forward, resting his forearms on the seat in front of him. Matty’s seat. Bringing his face closer to my own. “Why can’t she date all of us? If that’s what she wants?”
I snort. “She’s not going to want that.” No chick in their right mind would want that. “Honestly, I doubt someone like Lily would even consider dating any of us. Seriously dating any of us, I mean.”
“That’s… that’s not true.” Matty’s voice is low, gravelly, his cheeks pink as he stares at his lap. At those big saucer hands clutching his wide-spread knees.
I feel a twinge of guilt at my words because, this poor guy, he’s completely gone for her. I’m pretty sure he’s been half in love with her ever since she moved in, and Lily hasn’t had a fucking clue. I would have laughed at any other guy. Called him a simp and an idiot and told him to get a fucking grip.
Okay, maybe I did that at the start. Before I knew Matty. Before I saw the way those big hands trembled around the steering wheel. Before I watched him crumble when Lily nearly crashed her car in the snow, his blue eyes glazing over, and I knew—I just knew. He was gone, dragged down under to some other place, some hellscape locked in his mind.
I knew, because I’d been there too.
“Look, mate,” I say, spreading my hands wide in front of him, palms out, giving him what I hope is a conciliatory smile. “I know you’re into her…”
