Page 55 of Knot Her Cowboys
Relief at having her in front of me smashed against all the bitterness of our years apart. “I don’t think I’m the one of this pair we need to worry about that happening with.”
She wilted instantly and I felt like a colossal asshole. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. You and I don’t lie to each other, Riley.”
Her scent turned sharp, burnt, and her eyes filled with tears like I’d seen them thousands of times before, but never caused by me.
I wanted to both hug her and shake her like a snow globe. I had loved her my whole fucking life, and I still did, but my feelings weren’t a switch I could flip on and off. I had to wade through them first, and I had a lot of frustration built up.
“I’ve got to get these cupcakes in the fridge so the buttercream doesn’t melt.”
She followed after me, hesitating for only a moment before falling into step next to me. I shortened my stride so she wouldn’t have to hurry.
“Where did you go?” she asked quietly.
“Had to take a couple forks out.”
“Forks?”
“Every problem is a fork stuck into you. Some are pitchforks, some are regular dinner forks, and some are those mini plastic ones they used to use for snacks. Seeing you by surprise in Cash’s bed was a pitchfork, and I had to leave to yank that out. Once that was gone, I remembered all the smaller forks that would pop up because you were here.”
She blinked at me, brows furrowing in confusion.
“The first was that I didn’t want to look like absolute fucking shit seeing you for the first time again and instead you caught me mid–panic attack. That’s why I got the haircut and took some time to calm down. The second was that it was your birthday and I didn’t have anything ready because I didn’t know I would have to. Hence the fresh flower crown and the cupcakes. Forks gone.”
“Sorry I pitchforked you.”
“Sorry I panic-attacked on you.”
Riley sighed, staring at my hand for a few seconds like she wanted to slip hers into it. I wanted her to, but instead she laced her fingers together with a sigh. She was probably respecting the space I’d demanded, though it didn’t stop the flare of disappointment. Respecting boundaries was important, and not something we’d ever really discussed when everyone else was busy steamrolling us.
She said quietly, “I imagined us reuniting a lot of times and not a single one of those went like this.”
“Is it bad I’m a little relieved none of them included a naked Cash?” I said with an awkward laugh.
“That part was just as much a surprise to me.” Her laugh was softer, her scent less burnt as we walked side by side.
I held open the door to the kitchen for her and she went straight ahead, opening up the walk-in cooler so I could put away the cupcakes.
“Did you want to tell me everything that happened? How did you end up here?”
So she told me about the plans for Germany, the screaming match breakup with her fiancés, the heat flare with Cash that left her bonded to my pack.
A sick surge of delight swelled at that. Cash wasn’t going anywhere and that meant Riley wasn’t either. The delight was immediately squashed. She hadn’t sounded very excited for Germany, but she did love New York.
“Did you never start your restaurant?”
Her cheeks flushed and she stared at her feet. “No. I kind of gave up on that and haven’t worked for a few years.”
New forks dug into me as she explained how she had set aside her dreams one by one for the assholes who hadn’t even cared when my pack had fished her out of a river. My eye twitched.
The Riley I remembered had fought every fucking day to keep her sparkle alive against the barrage from her mother. Then for her to get her dream of going to culinary school in New York and throw it all away for a pair of rich assholes was the opposite of what I had ever expected from her.
She was embarrassed by that, and the petty part of me was stubbornly crossing its metaphorical arms, insisting she deserved to be.
I wrestled with it in my head. If I had been there, maybe she wouldn’t have sought out support from people who didn’t really care. But that was her fault too, pulling away from everyone who loved her.
I could have all the sympathy in the world and still not understand.
