Page 90 of Knot Her Cowboys
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and fished around in the drawer, quickly counting a stack to get an idea of how many there were.
Holy shit.
Between the first drawer and the one next to it, there had to be over a thousand. I couldn’t reasonably sit here and read every single one of them, but I wanted to.
Except…I had a little confession of my own far too similar to this. If Cooper wanted me to see this, he should see mine too.
I navigated the stairs and found Cash in the kitchen. He perked up when he saw me, but I went over to the notepad by their landline and scribbled out my old email login information as well as the password: CoopyCash11 and handed the paper to Cash.
“I’m not done looking through the suite yet, but if you can find Cooper, I need you to give him this. Tell him to log in and go into the email drafts folder.”
Cash looked at me curiously. “What’s he supposed to look for?”
I sighed, dropping my gaze to the floor. “Tell him it’s my own version of the bottom dresser drawers.”
“Dunno what that means, but I’ll tell him. I saw him bolt out of here on Ranger’s back. I’m pretty sure I know where he went. Are you doing okay? The room not freaking you out?”
“It’s so beautiful, Cash. I haven’t even checked out the whole thing yet. I have a lot of stuff to catch up on.”
Cash nodded and grabbed me a water bottle from the fridge along with a bowl of sliced fruit and a fork. “I made you a snack. Don’t want you to get dehydrated up there.”
I accepted all of it, holding it clutched to my chest before lifting my face for a brief kiss. “Thank you. I’ll be back later.”
“I’ll hunt down Cooper while you’re busy. Can you give me a hint if we’re looking more thumbs-up or thumbs-down?”
My bottom lip wobbled and I snared it between my teeth, lifting a shaking thumbs-up. Apparently satisfied with that, he departed and I went back upstairs, sitting down with my water and snack to pore over years of one-sided conversations.
I started from the earliest date I could find and read forward from there. For quite a few of them he wrote as if I had never left, like it was a phone call updating me on the events of the day so I stayed informed. Every so often his frustration bubbled up, his penmanship turning sharp and messy, tear stains smearing the ink. He never outright said he was mad at me, but it was easy enough to read between the lines.
He was hurting.
I had done that.
Riley,
Morgan graduated today. I hate that you’re not here to celebrate with us.
Wayne has been such a fucking cunt knowing he’s going to lose her free labor. Cash’s parents paid for a short-term rental near where she’s going to school in the fall. At least Morgan is an adult now so my dads can’t threaten to report them for kidnapping if they get her out of there.
It’s been a fucking nightmare. She’s slept in our dorm every weekend since we moved in. Luckily Cash’s idea of sneaking her into the building hidden in a hockey bag hasn’t been figured out yet.
In another world, another life, Morgan finally being safe would mean I’d get to be with you again. Not this one, though. I’m not naïve. I know what three years of silence means. I know you’re probably never coming back…
I have to pretend you will, though. I’m going to keep pretending until you do.
We’ve been talking more seriously about the ranch we want to have together. It won’t be easy, but at least with Cash’s money we won’t be drowning in debt to make it happen. I know a camp cook wouldn’t be your idea of a good job, but I miss your food, and getting to see you every day if you worked there would be amazing.
It’ll take time for the ranch to get built and be livable but I can’t wait to show you. Heading out to meet Cash soon, but obviously I’m going to write you another one of these since I can’t fucking stop myself.
All my love always,
– Cooper
The most recent one I could find was dated the week before I’d arrived at the ranch.
Riley,
I don’t know how long I can keep doing this. Do you think there’ll ever be a day where I don’t wake up surprised you’re not next to me? I dream about you so often it’s like you’re here, but then I wake up to nothing.
