Page 18 of Knot Her Cowboys
My sister’s pack were good men who treated her like a fucking queen. They had worked their way onto my short list of favorite people after saving her life and then proving daily how much they loved Morgan. The only times I remembered her being happy growing up were either before Mom died, or whenshe was out with Cash, Riley, and me. She deserved overflowing happiness.
A sharp whistle had the dogs rocketing off us and racing back, presumably for their own breakfast. Bear waved to us from the porch, both dogs leaping excitedly around him.
Kit and Ryder were laying out pans of eggs and bacon alongside baskets of toast on the dining room table when we got inside.
I gave them a friendly nod of acknowledgment and parked my ass in a chair. Muffin and Pumpkin shoved their heads onto my lap, knowing I was the weakest link. With a sigh, I split a strip of bacon and gave each of them half.
“I would say they get spoiled when you’re here,” said Kit with a smile, “but they’re far too used to treats.”
They discussed the rest of their day: a troop of Girl Scouts coming in the afternoon for a couple of hours to learn about local plants, followed by a three-session photography client who wanted to hit golden hour, sunset, and sunrise.
“You’re sure you wouldn’t rather me get out of your hair?”
“You’ll be fine. We’re outside for all of those things,” Morgan said.
“I’ll hide out in the bunkhouse so I don’t accidentally spook the kiddos,” I offered. They had done a gorgeous job with the new bunkhouse since inside the lodge had converted the usual guest space to an omega-only section. I had the whole thing to myself, and took full advantage of the living room, mostly ignoring the kitchen since Morgan’s pack insisted on feeding me at all hours.
The hike did make me feel a little better, but it couldn’t stop my brain from swerving into thoughts of Riley every two seconds. She’d been gone for so long. Would I even recognize her anymore? Would she recognize me if we crossed paths by chance?
Was she happy? Thriving? She had always talked about opening a restaurant when we were kids, and every so often I scoured the listings of new places opening in New York just on the off chance I might see her name attached, but no luck so far.
Was that still something she wanted?
I wish I knew. Even if we weren’t together, I still considered her my best friend alongside my pack no matter how many years had passed. I hated not knowing if she was okay.
“Muffin,” Morgan called, settling on her knees for the Rottie to press up against her. We all paused, Morgan’s pack forming a protective ring around her. She still got the odd flare of panic from when she had almost died out here, though they were blessedly less frequent than they used to be. Thankfully the bastard responsible was incarcerated for the rest of fucking forever. If he weren’t, I was pretty confident he’d have met with an “accident” by now.
Even though I hated Morgan carrying that trauma, it was reassuring to see how well her pack took care of her whenever it reared up. It made the loss of Riley easier to bear. I knew it was self-centered to consider that Morgan might have never been in a position to find her pack without me being a roadblock to the countless people who seemed comfortable with hurting her while she was growing up, but I thought it all the same. The same asshole who had almost killed her had been trying to date her since high school, and who was to say she wouldn’t have given in to his pursuit just to get the fuck away from our family sooner?
I had to get my comfort where I could, even if it came from far-fetched what-ifs.
Morgan was only down about five minutes before she was ready to resume, though our pace was slower and we turned back to the lodge early. Muffin walked with her head under Morgan’s hand, and Bear kept his arm around her waist to steady her.
Kit fell into step next to me. “How are you doing?”
Morgan had updated all of them on my ritual of spending Riley’s birthday with her, and I was constantly relieved they didn’t think I was a weirdo for it. At least, not that they’d ever expressed outwardly.
“Getting by,” I replied.
“Have you ever wondered if Riley was your scent match?” Kit asked.
“Once or twice, but she never presented before she left, so I’ll never know.”
“She’s been gone for over a decade and you’re still just as in love with her. I feel like your soul recognized her from the start.” Kit frowned. “I’m sorry. That probably doesn’t make it any better.”
“My soul recognizedsomething. Scent match or not, I’m pretty confident she’s the only one I’ll ever love.” I shrugged, my throat suddenly tight. “I try not to get too down about that thought. If my pack ever finds someone, I’ll probably have to leave.”
“You wouldn’t give yourself a chance at new love?”
“I don’t know if I could. When it comes to Riley, nothing is hyperbole. When I tell you I’m still obsessed with her, it’s not an exaggeration. I wouldn’t want anyone to compete with a ghost. That’s not fair.”
“If sheisyour scent match, then I’d like to believe fate would do something about that eventually. If you’re meant to be, nothing can stop it.”
“Except if she doesn’t want me.”
“I’m sure she did what she did to protect herself, not because she didn’t love you.”
“You didn’t know her, though.”
