Page 73 of These Wicked Games
He will always win.
I swallow hard, looking away, only to collide my gaze with Oli’s. He’s looking at me still, something unreadable in his eyes. I wonderwhat he told Grey. While I have been avoiding him, right now I just want to talk to him. Maybe it’s because of my father; maybe I’m just searching for more of that safety Oli gives me. That’s what it feels like, doesn’t it?
Safety.
Oli hurts me in the sweetest way. He gives me pain in a way I crave, and while he is rough with me, it’s only when I need him to be. It’s only when I want him to be. It’s all on my terms.
With Oli I am in control.
“Alright, guys.” Coach’s voice pulls my attention back. Right. Game time. Fuck, I feel so off. I almost want to ask Landon if he can take this one, but I know my father will have something to say about it. “Any words for the guys?” he asks my father.
“Great players aren’t born, they are honed by hard work and determination. All of you have worked your asses off, and I know you guys will make the playoffs this year. Every single one of you has discipline, skill, and talent only years of grinding can get you. Let’s kick some ass, fellas.”
Everyone cheers.
I feel sick.
If you don’t block this one, I will beat you twice as hard when we get inside.
I’ve seen mangy dogs with rabies that have more coordination than you.
When are you going to stop being such a fucking disappointment?
I’m so happy your mother isn’t here to see what a fucking loser you are.
“Hey.” I flinch at the hand on my shoulder. “Whoa, youokay—”
“Don’t fucking touch me.” I pull away from Oli, ignoring the look he’s giving me. “Ever again.” I think I see hurt flash in his eyes but I don’t care. Fuck him very much. He kicked me out like trash. He kicked me out like shit hasn’t changed between us.
Maybe, though, it hasn’t for him. Maybe I am just a hole for him to use. Even as the ugly thought orbits my mind, part of me wants to deny it. Lately something has shifted between us, and I’d like to think Oli feels it too. In that parking lot looking over the Christmas lights. At his house making food his mother used to cook him. I thought shit was different.
Yet he kicked me out.
“Dre—”
“Don’t,” I snap, grabbing my helmet, ready to get this game over with. It’s now I’m glad I’ll be on the ice playing, because my father no doubt will be sitting on our bench. “You wanted to be alone so goddamn bad . . . Congratulations. Wish granted.” I shoulder past him, ready to get this fucking game over with. The more distance between us the better. Rolling my shoulders, I try to get my head in the game.
Here goes nothing.
I’m not superstitious. I’m not saying if we fuck, we win, because that’s just dumb. What I will say is that coincidences are plenty. Welost. Terribly. While I’m sure in Oli’s mind that’s part of the reason we lost tonight, I know what the real reason is.
Tripp.
On the ice tonight it was like I could feel him. His eyes didn’t leave me for long. The pressure was too much. I was sloppy, I know it. The team knows it. The guys played great, and that feels worse somehow. We would have won if it weren’t for me. If my head had been in the right place, it would have been a landslide. Nothing like a five–seven loss to really bruise the ego.
Coach berated the whole team, but we all know who the real problem was tonight.
Me.
I avoid Oli and his attempts to speak with me. No one’s in the mood to talk, and most of the guys have already left. I know Oli has. He left with Grey after his millionth attempt to talk to me. He gave up, and while I don’t want to talk to him, it still upsets me. I’m a mess. I just want to go home, color for a bit, and relax. We have practice tomorrow and some media to film, but other than that I have a free afternoon.
I shower and change, and it’s quiet out now. I almost think I’m alone. Then I feel it. It’s like this dark web of anxiety covers the rain-slick streets as I make my way to my SUV. I feel him before I see him by my vehicle. Oli had waited a little while after the game ended, but I made it clear I didn’t want to talk to him. I painfully regret letting my pride get the best of me now.
It’s not pride, though. Oli treated me like trash, and I’m not so lovesick that I’ll forgive him for that. I get that he doesn’t want people to know, and this is new, but having him switch up that fast hurt me. It was Grey. What would happen if it did get out?How would he treat me then? I’m almost positive Grey is queer, and I’m even more sure he’s suspected for a while. He’s definitely caught me checking out Oli’s ass.
“I thought for a while there you knew what you were doing leaving home like you did.” I see the bottle in his hand as I step further into the parking garage lights. I noticed it during the game too. It seemed like he always had a cup of amber liquid in his hand. I’m not sure how much he’s had to drink, but the closer I get, the more I can guess . . . a lot.
“I’m going home. Get off my car.” I try to bypass him, and although he’s getting up there in age, the force with which he grabs me is shocking.
