Page 59 of These Wicked Games
“I know what today is.” Those hard blue eyes scathe me, but I’m not going to let him intimidate me. “I just want to hang out a bit. No expectation.” After the other night, shit has changed, or at least for me it has. I just want to explore whatever this is between us. I know he feels something, even if it’s still mixed with distrust and rage. Still, I take a chance. “Can I take you somewhere? Please.”
“Where?”
I drive up toward the path, thinking about how much I miss my place in Virginia sometimes. We’d lived in a rural town with lots of woods and secret spots I could escape to. It’s something I’ve done in every place I’ve lived—found a tiny little oasis, a safety net for me to fall into when things were bad. It was worse when I had to travel for high school hockey, because Tripp always found a way to chaperone our away games, and who was going to tell the great Tripp Ostrander he couldn’t? Most of the time they ended in beatings, and it wasn’t any easier being around him once I was on the Titans, but Oli’s friendship had helped.
Until he took that away.
Now, maybe it’s habit, but I found this spot deep in the woods a few months back and since then I’ve visited often. This time of year it’s perfect. As we drive up the dirt road Oli’s knee bounces, but I hope he likes what he sees ahead. It’s pretty fucking cool. “So, um—”
“No. This isn’t a heart-to-heart.”
“Will you just shut the fuck up.” I shake my head. “Save the emo shit for Grey and Atlas. I will not coddle or tiptoe around you. I’m really sorry about your mother. I know today must be really hard on you.” After what he said about her, I get it. Oli feels like he failed her, when that couldn’t possibly be less true.
I focus on the road and not the seething behemoth next to me. I will not handle him with kid gloves. Ever. “Where are you taking me?”
“You see, I’ve been distracting you with orgasms and now I plan to throw you off a cliff. It’s been my master plan all along. Muahahaha.” I hear him chuckle, which makes me smile. “I’m really sorry. Seriously. I know exactly what you’re going through.” And I do. Losing my mother is still to this date the worst day of my life. She didn’t deserve the life Tripp gave her. She should have been with a man who worshiped her. Instead she got swept up in the pro-athlete lifestyle. She let the glitz and glamor blind her.
It’s quiet for a moment and I let it settle between us.
“A car accident, right?”
I swallow, turning down another road. “Yeah.”
After a few minutes he says softly, “How did they meet?”
“During off season, in Tulum. He swept her off her feet with the promise of a very glitzy, stress- free life.” What she actually got was a hateful man who took her away from her family and country. Shegave him a son, and he gave her nothing but misery. I was so young, but there are some foggy memories that break through. Ones filled with tears, yelling, and sometimes fists. She was so young when she died, it’s not fair. “She was only twenty-eight.”
“Wow. I’m so sorry.”Me too.
It’s quiet for a long stretch and I really don’t know what to say. What is there to say? I can’t make this better. I can only distract him from the terrible thoughts probably going through his mind. Thankfully my destination comes into view. The open field glows. “What is this?”
“Lived here for as long as you have and haven’t seen this place yet?”
“Why would I randomly drive into the woods at night?”
I smile as I pull into a place and park. “You’re missing out.” I leave the car running for a moment to fight off the cold. “Just humor me, will you?” Oli shakes his head, his eyes still a bit spacey but spacey’s okay. “Let’s go. I promise I’ll warn you just as I’m about to push you. I know you hate surprises.” That makes his eyes roll, but I see the tiny smile slip onto his handsome face.
I shut the car off and open my door, regretting all my life choices. It has to be down in the forties and my sweats and hoodie aren’t doing shit to ward off the chill. Oli seems undeterred, though, as he gets out and walks ahead toward the glowing hub that spreads out below us.
Breathing into my hands to keep them warm, I watch Oli, then the lights below us. The first week I was here I went for a drive, needing to clear my head. I’d had a bit of a panic attack about coming here and was too restless to stay in the house, so I drove and drove until I pulled into this parking lot next to the hiking trails.Right now we’re on a cliff, and once I’m out of the car, I walk to the edge. Below is a suburb fully decorated with Christmas lights. It glows beneath us. There are strung-up lights and snowmen, reindeer on roofs. One house has a huge Frosty sitting happily on their lawn. It really is something to see.
The lights are so bright they nearly light up the cliff we’re standing on. Oli walks damn near to the edge, along the safety fence, looking below. I follow him, careful not to crowd him, and let him work through whatever it is he’s feeling. It’s not that my mother’s death wasn’t a terrible day for me, it was one of the worst. But I’ve had twenty-five years to process it, and the memories I have of her are hazy.
Oli, though . . . this happened eight years ago, and losing her in the way he did, I can understand why he would think the worst of me. To him, I’d ruined the chance he had to give his mother back tenfold everything she’d given him. Then I just got handed the opportunity meant for him.
Oli puts his elbows on the fence, looking down at the city below, and a soft smile spreads on his face. “I love Christmas.” I stand beside him, careful not to crowd him. I watch the way his eyes drink in the lights below.
“Yeah? Did little Oli write letters to Santa?”
His lips tug into a smile. “You already know we didn’t have much. Any money she got went toward hockey, bills, or food—at least, food for me. One year, though, she really wanted a Christmas tree. Like bad. She was determined we’d have one. She made a tree out of this shiny green wrapping paper she got at a dollar store. She had me make paper ornaments and I got to stick them on. Then she made the star, and I stuck that on too. Afterwards we watchedsome old Christmas movies. There were no gifts the following morning, but we spent the entire day just watching Christmas movies, playing games, and after, we went down to the local shelter to eat dinner. It was the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”
Something spiderwebs and weaves through my chest. I swallow, imagining this tiny version of Oli. A small smile plays on my lips. “That sounds really nice.”
“She never even got to enjoy the life her sacrifices gave me.” Slowly I move over, not really knowing how to do this. We’re not friends anymore, but this is as close to friendly as we’ve gotten in years.
“I know she’s proud of you. If you believe in the afterlife and shit.”
Oli’s breath shudders and he looks out to the glowing houses below. It hasn’t snowed yet but a quiet chill settles over the cliff. It’s beautiful. I move closer to him, ignoring the chill as I slide next to him, my breaths coming out in white puffs. Oli’s blue eyes are lit up by the lights, his gaze is unfocused. Far away. Blinking, he notices me right next to him.
