Page 96 of The Life She Could Have Lived
‘Sometimes,’ Stella went on, ‘I wish he’d had something like cancer, and we’d known, had some time to say goodbye, you know? And other times I think it’s better that it happened the way it did, no notice, no time to prepare. Because he was himself right up to the end, wasn’t he? Not some ill, deteriorating version of him.’
Anna couldn’t speak.
‘Anna?’
‘Yes, Stell?’
‘Do you think we could get together sometime? Go for a coffee or see a film or something?’
‘Yes,’ Anna said. ‘Yes. I would really like that.’
34
YES
Monday 5 June 2017
Anna had had a good morning. She had two new clients and was due to work on some big upcoming releases. It was really starting to work well, her little enterprise. Sometimes, she wished she’d done it years earlier, but then she stopped herself and tried to focus on what had gone right. She’d found the courage to do it, and perhaps all the knockbacks she’d suffered from those publishing jobs had led her here. She was happy, making up her own rules and hours and not having to spend time on the Tube getting to an office in town. She felt free, in a way.
When it got to lunchtime, she closed her laptop and got her things together and took the bus to Nia’s.
‘Hey!’ Nia opened the door and ushered her in, and Anna went through to the living room, where Theo was sitting in front of the TV, watching a cartoon about dogs that appeared to be performing some kind of rescue.
‘Theo!’ Anna said. ‘Happy birthday!’
He didn’t turn from the screen. Nia swept into the room, picked up the remote and switched it off, and Anna saw Theo’s lip start to wobble.
‘How old are you, Theo?’ Anna asked.
He showed her three fingers. ‘Three,’ he said. ‘I watchPaw Patrol.’
‘Later,’ Nia said. ‘Anna’s come to see you.’
Anna took the present she’d brought from behind her back and Theo’s eyes lit up. It was a big box, wrapped in bright spotty paper. She handed it to him and he tore at the paper.
‘What is it?’ Nia asked in a whisper.
‘Toy laptop,’ Anna said. ‘Hopefully not too noisy.’
Meanwhile, Theo had got into the present and was trying to open the box. Nia got down on her knees to help him while Anna watched on.
‘Shall I make some tea?’ Anna asked.
‘No, I’ve bought prosecco. It’s a celebration!’
Anna thought about saying no, that she had to work in the afternoon, but there was something so deliciously decadent about the idea of having a glass or two of prosecco in the middle of a Monday. Especially when it was her wedding anniversary, and she was still adjusting to the fact that she was no longer married. So she smiled and let Nia go to the kitchen for the drinks.
Theo’s party had been at the weekend. For the first time, Anna hadn’t gone. He had his own friends now, from pre-school, and they’d gone to a soft play. Nia had invited Anna, but said that the place was hell on earth, so Anna had arranged to see them on the day itself. For the next twenty minutes, they played a few party games and did a bit of dancing, and Anna felt nostalgic for those early birthdays with her boys. It had always felt so hard at the time; she’d been so tired and had always beenstressed about the cake or the arrangements. She wished, now, that sometimes she’d just invited Nia over for an impromptu disco. After a while, Nia put the TV back on for Theo and he settled down, and Nia sat beside Anna on the sofa, poured them both a second glass.
‘Is it weird, today?’ she asked.
Anna was touched that Nia remembered the significance of the date. The fact that her son had been born on Anna’s wedding anniversary meant that the date was an important one for both of them, in different ways.
‘Sort of. I mean, not really. I just keep thinking about what we’d be doing if I hadn’t left. Another dinner, another year gone. It was really time, but it’s still sad, I guess.’
‘How many years would it have been?’ Nia asked.
‘Eighteen.’
