Page 59 of The Life She Could Have Lived
‘Hello, gorgeous,’ Anna said, stepping into Nia’s embrace.
‘Everyone came!’ Nia said, holding Anna at arm’s length as if she’d forgotten what she looked like. She was wearing a dress that looked grey in some lights and silver in others, and her long hair was scooped up messily and somehow pinned to the back of her head. Her silver heels were five inches high.
‘Of course they came,’ Anna said. ‘Why wouldn’t they?’
‘Oh, you know how it is when it’s your party. You always think no one will turn up. I’m just so relieved.’
Edward reappeared at Anna’s side and handed her a tall glass. ‘Happy birthday, Nia,’ he said, leaning forward to kiss her cheek.
‘Don’t you look gorgeous?’ Nia asked, and Edward broke into a smile.
‘Don’t you?’ he countered.
An hour later, Edward and Anna were standing in a corner, trying to have a conversation over the pounding music.
‘Did I tell you I’m seeing Sam’s teacher next week?’
Edward looked a bit pained. ‘Again?’
‘Well, it’s not getting resolved, is it?’
‘It’s just kids’ stuff. They can’t all like each other.’
Anna tried to fight down the fury that was rising up in her chest. ‘It isn’t just kids’ stuff. Thomas hasn’t had anything like this. He mentions it nearly every day.’
‘Did you ever go through something like that at school?’ Edward asked.
Anna thought about it. ‘Nothing physical, but some name-calling. Clare Walsh in my year three class was an absolute bitch. Used to decide each day who she was going to make life miserable for, and she had this little gang of followers.’
Anna reflected for a moment on Clare Walsh. Where did people like her end up? Surely they didn’t just carry on writing bitchy notes about people’s hairstyles and who fancied Sean Davies in their adult lives?
‘Did your mum go into school?’
‘What? Oh, no, I don’t think so. Things were different then, weren’t they?’
Edward made a noise that could have been a snort. She knewthat noise. He made it when she said she was going to stop eating so many biscuits and when she said she was meeting Nia for one drink. But this was different. They were talking about their son, about his welfare. Anna dug her nails into the palms of her hands.
‘What?’ she asked.
‘I just think you’re smothering him. He’s not always going to get on with everyone, is he? Are you going to go into his office when he’s twenty-five and having problems with his boss? It’ll be good for him, this kind of thing. It’ll toughen him up.’
Anna couldn’t say anything for a minute or two. Her mouth hung open. ‘Do you really think those things? Or are they just things you say?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘All that man up bullshit?’
‘Well, he’s quite different to Thomas, isn’t he? He’s softer, gentler. It’s lovely, but I think it’s hard for a man to go through life being like that.’
‘I can’t listen to this,’ Anna said.
Nia danced over to them and then stopped, sensing the tension that sat between them like a black cloud. ‘Did I interrupt something?’ she asked, a little drunkenly. ‘Should I go?’
‘No, Nia, you’re fine. I’m going,’ Edward said.
He walked off and Anna watched him leave the bar without looking back, without checking how she would get home. She finished her drink and immediately wanted another. It didn’t happen often, but sometimes she felt she and Edward were so misaligned that she couldn’t believe they’d chosen to live their lives together, to raise children together.
‘What was that?’ Nia asked.
