Page 24 of The Life She Could Have Lived
Edward was nodding, as if to show that he agreed and understood. But as she finished speaking, he stopped. ‘You don’t cheat on me because we promised not to? Not because you want to be with me?’
‘Don’t you dare turn this around on me! You are the one who did this. And what did you do, exactly? Did you sleep with her?’
Edward looked at her, his eyes never leaving hers. ‘We kissed. I promise that’s all. I told her I couldn’t do it.’
Anna made a sound that was half laugh, half groan. Tears threatened, but she didn’t want him to see them. She wanted to wait until she was behind a locked door. She went upstairs to the bathroom and shut him out. She ran the bath so hot it scalded her when she stepped into it. And then she lay there, her skin reddening and her face flushed, her hair piled on top of her head. When she looked down at her stomach, she imagined she could see a little protrusion. Life was growing. How the hell had it turned out like this?
When she’d been lying there for half an hour or more, there was a soft knock on the door.
‘Anna?’ Edward asked. ‘I don’t know what you wanted to talkto me about, but I’m ready to listen, when you come out, okay? And dinner’s ready whenever you want it.’
Anna didn’t answer him. She thought about the connection they’d always had, physically. Her skin had always felt like fire the second he touched her. Was that just a gift he had? Did he make every woman feel that way? She had thought it was chemistry, that it was something between the two of them, that they were just the right fit. But perhaps she’d been foolish. She pictured Fran, her long, wavy hair that looked effortless but which Anna knew must take a lot of upkeep. Her tiny frame. She closed her eyes and imagined Edward putting his arms around her, kissing her.
When she was dry and in her pyjamas, she went downstairs. She couldn’t face eating anything, so she left the food he’d prepared on the kitchen side and wandered into the lounge, where he was eating. She picked up the remote control and muted the TV.
‘I was going to tell you that I’m pregnant,’ she said.
And then she turned and left the room, went up to bed. In a moment, Edward was beside her, his hands on her body, on her stomach, tears running down his cheeks.
‘I’m so sorry, Anna. Please tell me I haven’t broken this. I’m so very sorry. I love you, Anna. I love our family. You’ve made me so happy. Please forgive me.’
‘I think you should leave,’ she said.
9
NO
Saturday 5 June 2004
It struck Anna, when she first woke up, that it might have been her fifth wedding anniversary. What would that have been like? Instead of waking up next to Edward, she was in New York, city of her dreams. And it was Saturday, the best day of the week. She missed Nia, but that was the main sticking point. She didn’t miss Edward the way she thought she might have. The early weeks had been bleak – getting drunk with Nia and crying, saying it had been a mistake and she was going to call him, Nia confiscating her phone. She’d called in sick to work more than she should have, sometimes spending the entire day in bed staring at the wall opposite her, feeling nothing but empty. And then she’d left, flown to New York, and her brain had been caught up in the excitement and fear of all of that, and by the time she was settled, she knew for sure she’d done the right thing. This morning, though, she’d woken up with Edward on her mind. She checked her watch. It was just after nine in the morning, which meant it was two in the afternoon in London.She picked up her phone and called Nia, hoping she’d have time for a quick chat.
‘I was just thinking about you,’ Nia said.
‘Really? How come?’
‘I have something to tell you. I was thinking about when I could call. I was going to wait until it was at least ten your time, in case you were having a lie-in.’
‘What is it?’
‘Well, you know I’ve been seeing that guy, Jamie?’
‘The one you said looked a bit like Peter Andre? And who you weren’t sure about dating just in case he was my J man?’
‘I said that about Peter Andre once, after our first date. I can’t believe you’re still going on about it.’
Anna laughed. ‘Yes, you can. You still talk about the guy I kissed who looked a bit like a young Phillip Schofield and that was last century.’
‘I haven’t mentioned him for at least three weeks. Anyway, now we’ve established that you know who I’m talking about…’
‘Yes, sorry. What’s the news? Are things getting serious?’
‘Pretty serious. I mean, about as serious as things can get, actually. We’re…’
The line dropped out and Anna said her friend’s name a couple of times. When it came back, Nia was still speaking.
‘Aren’t you going to say anything?’
‘I missed it, Nia. The line dropped. What did you say?’
