Page 94 of The Day Shelley Woodhouse Woke Up
And I walk home, my feet taking me there, my brain not having to do any of the work. Once I’ve let myself in, stood in the hallway letting the familiarity wash over me, the first thing I do is go up to the bathroom and retrieve the test I wrapped in toilet paper. It’s still there, still wrapped. Still positive. I take another one, just to be sure, but I know it will be positive, and it is. I put a hand on my belly, try to determine whether it’s more curved than it was before. Probably not. But it will be. I wanted to give this test to Matt on our anniversary, but I’ve missed that and we’ve probably been through the biggest test we’ll ever face. So now there are no big plans. I’m just going to hand it to him, and when he looks at me like he can’t quite believe it, I’ll nod a confirmation.
I’m in the living room when I hear his key. Was it a mistake, wanting to surprise him? Will I give him a heart attack? I stand up and go out to the hallway, so he can see me straight away. He jumps a bit but doesn’t seem too alarmed.
‘Hello, you,’ he says.
‘Hello, you.’
‘Is this just a visit or…?’
‘I’m home,’ I say.
He steps forward and takes me in his arms and I breathe in the familiar smell of him. Our washing liquid, and whatever he’s been cooking, and his apple shower gel.
‘Thank you for waiting for me,’ I say.
I pull back from him and we both have tears in our eyes. We move through to the kitchen and I put the kettle on, because he likes a coffee when he gets back from work. I know where everything is, the mugs and the coffee and the spoons, and the familiarity of it is such a comfort after all this time of feeling displaced and not knowing quite who I was.
We talk about this and that, and then he takes hold of my hand and there’s a serious look in his eyes.
‘When you didn’t know me, after you woke up, that was the most scared I’ve ever been. That’s permanent, for some people, and there was no way of knowing. You must have felt so weird, so adrift.’
I try to put it into words. ‘It was awful thinking I was back there in that time with David, but you know, you made all of it easier. I didn’t know who you were but I knew you were kind, and that I loved you being there.’
‘I have to tell you something,’ he says, his expression darkening. ‘There was a letter from the prison service. I opened it – I hope you don’t mind.’
I shake my head. I know what’s coming. ‘Is he being released?’
‘It’s a possibility. Later this year.’
How do I feel about that? I’ve always believed in redemption, thought that people deserve second chances. It wouldn’t be right to wish he was locked away forever, and yet…
‘I will never let him hurt you,’ Matt says, covering my hand with his.
I appreciate him saying it, but he can’t promise that. Promising me he’ll never hurt me is one thing, but this is something he doesn’t have control over.
‘I think I can live in a world that has David roaming around in it. I don’t believe he’d be stupid enough to come here.’
‘No, I’m sure he wouldn’t.’
I shrug. ‘Then it’s fine.’
‘Do you worry about him doing it again, though? To someone else?’
I think about that. I know about patterns of behaviour, about how these people operate. I’ve heard enough women’s stories.
‘If he does, I just hope he gets caught again. But he might have changed. I have to believe that he might have.’
Matt nods, takes a big gulp of coffee. Into the silence, I clear my throat. Stand up, slide the test out from its hiding place beneath the letters on the kitchen side.
‘There’s something else,’ I say.
I watch him look at it, see him realise.
‘Someone else.’
He’s up and out of his chair, his hands gripping my upper arms. ‘Seriously?’
‘Seriously.’
‘I can’t believe the hospital didn’t pick that up, with all the tests you had.’
‘I’m glad they didn’t. I’m glad I got to remember, and be the one to tell you.’
And we cry, there in the kitchen, and it isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty close. Yes, Mick is still out there, although hopefully that’s about to change, and yes, David might be free again soon, but I have everything I need in this small house with this incredible man, our future growing inside me, cell by cell.
