Page 75 of The Day Shelley Woodhouse Woke Up
‘Then we should do it,’ he says.
‘We?’
‘I mean you, but I could help out.’
I’m not expecting this. But it means something to me, that he doesn’t only want to hear about my big dreams, but wants to help me make them a reality.
‘I don’t know enough about it,’ I say.
‘We’ll find out. Rose would help, I’m sure. And we can do research.’
I resolve to start looking into it the next day. Matt makes life seem easy. It’s a way he has. Whenever I go to him with a problem or a worry, he talks it over with me until I can see a path through the darkness. And it makes me believe in myself. Perhaps we could open a shelter, between us. I feel a bead of excitement travelling around my insides, and then it bursts, fizzing all through me.
When I was with David, it was all fear and trepidation. Hoping I wasn’t saying the wrong thing, that nothing would set him off. I didn’t know, until I met Matt, that it could all be lightness and support. We argue, of course we do, but it’s not frequent and I am never, ever, made to feel frightened. And that’s worth everything to me.
When I try to explain it to Dee, the following day as we’re preparing to open up, I say I feel like I am wrapped up in a blanket. Warm and protected.
Dee pulls a face. ‘Not very sexy, though, is it? A blanket?’
I flick a tea towel at her. ‘It’s sexy enough for me.’
And it is. Sometimes, Dee tells me about arguments she’s had with Liam, about how they’ve made up. Ten minutes from shouting at each other to having sex. It works for them. But I don’t want or need that. I need this, what I have, with Matt. I feel settled.
‘I’m going to ask him to marry me,’ I say.
Dee is sweeping the floor but she snaps around to look at me.
‘Are you?’
‘Yes.’ I didn’t know it for sure until I said it, but now it seems obvious and like the only course of action. ‘And I’m going to give up this place. Not immediately, but I don’t think we’ll live here, after we’re married. I’d like to buy a house.’
‘Woah, that is a lot, Shelley Woodhouse. And you seem pretty sure that he’s going to say yes.’
I am sure. I can picture myself proposing in a hundred different ways, and I can picture a multitude of reactions from him, but I cannot picture him saying no. He’s made it clear that he loves me. He makes it clear every day.
‘I’m not going to steal your wedding thunder,’ I say. ‘I can wait until after yours to propose, if you want.’
Dee shrugs. ‘Up to you.’
Dee and Liam are getting married in a month’s time, and Dee swings between being relaxed, like this, and being a total nightmare. I feel like I’ve been living the wedding for months, hearing on a daily basis about the caterer and the flowers and the cake. I am Dee’s Maid of Honour, and I’m giving a speech. I’ve been dress shopping, seen the rings, and it’s been amazing, but it’s also made me realise something. I don’t want any of thatagain. I did it with David, and if Matt wants it, I’ll do it again. But I suspect he won’t. I want to go somewhere, just the two of us. Or maybe with Dee and Liam along for the ride. Somewhere hot. Write down all the things I love about him and tell him on a white-sand beach. I will ask him tonight.
But before that, there’s a long shift to do. Dee opens the doors and it isn’t long before Derek appears, and after him, a group of older women who sometimes come in for coffee after their weekly walk. And then they keep coming, couples and families and groups of men. Sometime in the early evening, my phone pings with a message but I don’t have time to look at it, and it goes out of my mind. By the time I open it, it is almost midnight and my feet are aching and Dee has waved and gone.
It’s from my mum.
I’m going to leave him, Shell. Will you help me?
I feel as if all the air has been pushed out of my chest in an instant. I have been waiting for this day for years. Immediately, I type a reply.
Anything. I’ll do anything. I’m so happy.
Upstairs, Matt senses the lightness in me. ‘Has something happened today?’
‘Two things,’ I say. ‘Mum is leaving Mick.’ Just saying it, I feel my legs start to shake and I have to sit down. Matt is quiet, thoughtful. He brings me a cup of sweet tea, and it is exactly what I need.
‘That’s great,’ he says. ‘Does she have somewhere to go?’
I tell him I don’t know, that I will call her in the morning and talk it through with her. Once Mick is at work.
