Page 77 of The Day Shelley Woodhouse Woke Up
‘What do you know?’
‘Everything, I think. That we’re married. That you’re not a hospital volunteer.’
He stops walking and I turn to him and we both grin. ‘I didn’t want to lie to you…’
‘No, I get it. I understand. Dee has told me how hard I found it when people were trying to fill in the blanks for me.’
‘You wanted to do it yourself,’ he says.
‘And I have.’
‘Can I give you a hug?’
We move towards each other and our bodies fit, his arms around my lower back and mine around his shoulders. It feels right and uncomfortable at the same time. I pull away. ‘I’m sorry, I’m not sure I’m ready. I need to take this slowly.’
‘Of course,’ he says, and he sounds a bit dejected.
‘I’ll get there,’ I say. ‘I’m just still working on it all. You know I’m staying at Dee’s, I suppose?’
‘She called me. And listen, I can’t wait to have you home but it takes as long as it takes, all right? I hate the fact that you had to go back to all that stuff with David. You’re bound to be shaken. But I’m here, for chats and support and, eventually, marriage.’
‘And KitKats?’
‘Always KitKats.’
‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘I can’t believe I got it so wrong with one husband and so right with the other.’
We walk on in silence, and I drink my tea, feeling it warm my insides. When we reach a bin, we both put our cups in the recycling, and he asks whether I’m getting tired, whether I want to head back. I realise that I am tired, and I know I’ll probably spend the afternoon napping on the sofa, but I’m not quite ready for this to end.
‘Just a few more minutes, just back to where we started.’
I mean the walk, but that is what we’re doing here, isn’t it? Getting back to where we started. Whenever we pass someone with a dog, he quietly gives it a cuteness rating out of ten, with most of them scoring twelve, and I make up some commentary for the ducks who are swimming across the lake but getting nowhere because of the breeze. And when I can see the café, and I know it won’t be long until we go our separate ways, I reach for his hand and hold it in mine, and out of the corner of my eye I see him smile. And it’s so easy and right.
‘How did you come up with the volunteer thing?’
He laughs. ‘Well, you’d been coming round on and off for a few days. And every time you saw me you’d ask who I was. It was like a knife to the heart every time. I told you I was your husband over and over, and you’d get really upset and say your husband was David and I’d try to explain that David was in prison and you’d moved on but it was just so scary for you. I had a long chat with the doctor and your Intensive Care nurse, Angela. Also Dee. I said I wanted to come in to see you but didn’t want to upset you, and I think Dee suggested it. She said she’d been in hospital once as a teenager, to have her tonsils removed, and there had been this lovely volunteer who came round to chat and bringdrinks and so on. It just seemed like the best way to still get to be around.’
I think about how it must have felt, him knowing that we shared a life together and me not knowing who he was.
‘Thank you,’ I say.
‘For what?’
‘For finding a way. I felt pretty low in there at times. I felt like Dee was the only person I really had in my life who cared about me. But you made everything better, you really did.’
‘Well, that’s what I’m here for.’ He looks at his watch and pulls a face. ‘But unfortunately I have to make a move. That restaurant’s not going to run itself.’
It’s odd to think of him still going to the hospital now I’m not there.
‘Will you come to Dee’s for dinner later? I’m making toad in the hole. It’s Callum’s favourite, apparently.’
‘And one of mine. But I’ll be working late. I’ll tell you what. Could I take you out on a date, tomorrow night?’
I feel the smile spreading over my face, working its way up to my eyes. ‘I would like that.’
‘It’s a deal, then. I’ll pick you up at seven.’
He blows me a kiss and walks away, and I stand there for minute or so, just watching him go. Knowing that he’ll come back. I feel the absence of his hand in mine, and stuff it in my pocket for warmth, and then I head back to Dee’s house, stopping off at the supermarket for sausages and wine. It feels like such a normal thing to do, to walk in the park and then pick things up for dinner.
