Page 77 of The Gods Veiling
“Gods, you make a lot more sense now.”
“If you’re referring to my cussing, loudmouth, and tendency to threaten the two of them, I’m always like that. It’s just a little more than normal today.”
Her hand falls into her lap limply and tangles with her other one. “I’m sorry this has happened to you. I know a thing or two about being somewhere you don’t want to be.”
“You really don’t have to apologize, but I appreciate it. I’m sorry your stay isn’t what you thought it’d be. I’m sure you were the opposite and had high hopes coming here.”
She fiddles with her thumb cuticles before lifting her head. “I did. It’s been nothing but a nightmare.”
I arch a knowing brow. “Your Designation, I assume?”
“Yeah. You seemed to have picked up on that quickly in the tests.”
“I know a thing or two about being treated like shit.”
She looks away from me as we both drift into an awkward silence. It adds to the overwhelming homesickness and loneliness coursing through me.
Even though I’d feel the exact same there.
At least there I was comfortable in my bedroom or Lambrit’s, and I could escape to my hot spring.
If I could know what I know now, gods, I’d go back a year and a day.
Unfortunately…there’s no turning back time on this.
Even if I could, it may not have changed this outcome at all.
“I obviously didn’t know what choosing you would truly mean. If the High Chancellor’s stupid ass had explained what having an Attendant meant better, I’d have never accepted. I accepted you thinking I was getting you out of a shit situation and giving you a better one. I could look at you and tell you were miserable, so I told myself we could help each other out. If there’s a way to…unchoose…if that’s even the word, I will.”
She gives me a tense frown. “What’s done is done. The Volreen, more precisely, the Gods Binding, has tied our essence. It’s not like you and your Valtrue, but there’s no splitting us now. I’ll be at your mercy for eternity.”
I flex my fist repeatedly to simmer the rage trying to spew out of me. “My mercy…I get I’ve come off a little strong, but given the situation, hopefully you can see I’m not just some raging bitch looking to pick a pointless fight. I have no intention of bossing you around or you coming to my beck and call. Or whatever it is Attendants really do. Firstly, it’s fucked up, and secondly, I’m a grown woman. I can figure it all out for myself. You can literally do whatever you want.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
I glare at her. She most certainly did.
“Okay, not completely like that. When the High Chancellor explains everything the way he does, it paints my Designation in the light of the lowest of gods. We get the least amount of our power released, so we’re immediately viewed as less than and treated as such.
“Most Chosen who accept their Attendants treat them as personal slaves as you called it. Those who aren’t accepted or just haven’t been offered up yet, get bossed and bullied around by everyone. Hell, they’ll still do it even after you’ve been accepted. So,given my situation, hopefully you can see where my apprehension and edginess are coming from.”
I press my lips together and face back toward the trees. My head shakes as I blow out a breath and pick the grass at my feet. “Yeah, I do. I completely understand, believe it or not. But unfortunately, just like everything else today, I don’t know what the fuck to do about it or where to go from here.”
We fall back into a tension-filled hush. My lingering thoughts about how not only was my life flipped upside down today, but in turn, I did it to someone else, is eating me alive.
It’s hard to really be mad at her attitude. We’re both having the same kind of shitty day. Our reactions are the only difference. She’s colder and quieter. I’m louder and aggressive.
“This really fucking sucks.”
A snort that surprises both of us tumbles out of her. She even startles like the sound is foreign to her ears. “You can say that again.”
“You’ll probably hear it enough that my repetitiveness will start grating on your nerves.” I chuckle, tossing the handful of grass I was collecting in my palm. “So what now?”
Her eyes drift into the distance. “My transition into this new role started the second you accepted me. From here on out, I’ll be accompanying you almost all day for whatever you need. I’m supposed to take care of anything that’ll make your life easier.”
My nostrils turn up at that. “Ew. I really don’t like that. No offense, it’s not that I don’t enjoy your lively company. I don’t like the idea of you doing everything for me because it’s easier. Unless you’ve got a way to get me off this mountain. That’ll make my life easier.”
A small smile crosses her lips. “You really don’t know the rules.”
