Page 187 of The Gods Veiling
“What? It’s the truth. We’ve said those same words she just did for years, and it’s made no difference.”
“Enough, Amick,” Thayla says lightly. “It’s not your story to share with me and I don’t want to hear it from you.”
“Very well,” he says as he awkwardly pats her knee back. I see the smirk she’s trying to fight back, but I let mine shine. “It’s been an oddly emotional day and my chest hurts, so I’m going to bed. Don’t disturb me unless the realm is in danger.”
We both can’t help our laughs at that and he gives us a strange look as he stands. “Enjoy your sleep, Candyman.”
“Thank you,Mysenta.”
My eyebrows rise and Thayla sits a little straighter. “What does that mean?”
“Figure it out.”
She throws a pillow across the living room, but he crosses through his door before it can hit him.
“Do you know what it means?”
“Nope. There’s no telling what language that is coming from his lips.”
“I’ll never figure that shit out then.”
I set my empty mug on the end table beside me and lean forward as I drag the ottoman closer. My chuckles are still falling from my mouth as I kick my feet up and get comfortable.
“Not ready for bed? He’s right. It’s been a long day.”
“I’m going to get comfortable right here. You’re more than welcome to stay out here with me.”
I snatch a blanket out of the basket under the end table and nonchalantly fan it out over us. I know she doesn’t want to go to her room, but I also know she doesn’t want to say that out loud.
Ever so slowly, she passes me her empty mug and spreads her legs out beside mine. I don’t move or push. I just let her get where she wants to be. I hold my breath as she scoots closer, grabs my arm, and places it over her shoulder. Her head nuzzles against my chest and there’s no doubt she hears my heart’s erratic beating.
“I don’t want you to respond to what I’m about to ramble. I couldn’t work up the courage to say it all to them, but I need to get the madness out of my mind, and I really want to trust you with this.”
Yeah, I had a feeling her calm was all for show. So is mine.
I don’t speak out loud. I lay my chin on top of her head and nod.
“Tonight, a Taunter Oblirian got a hold of me. Creed saved me but not before they brought forth fears and emotions I’ve shoved far down. I still feel sick to my stomach. I feel alone, scared, and angry. I’m petrified at whatever the Valories and gods have planned for us. I really thought what I had to tell you would make all of you want to get away from me. I didn’t prepare myself for your news to be ten times worse. I’m kind of freaking out there’s a Beginning God who’s messed with your lives far more than I ever would’ve imagined.
“I don’t want to be a part of the grand scheme of anything. It’s overwhelming to know I’m the Godly Companion to an ancient and revered creature when I don’t feel like I deserve it. Plus, I can only imagine there’s a reason why we’ve been given such a blessing, and it’s got to be a bad one.
“I didn’t believe Mellcom could break my heart any more than he already did with his betrayal, but he did tonight when he used his powers on me. It’s hard accepting the person who once meant more than the realm to you is now dead to you. Yet, he’s still alive and I have to face him every day.
“I don’t have a family, a home, a place or purpose to call my own. I’ve been left or betrayed by everyone in my life who I’ve loved aside from Lambrit. He’s all I have left from my life before now, but I’ll never stand in the way of his new life. No matter what. I’m trying really hard not to grow attached to Yemi, but it’s not working. I really like and appreciate her more than I tell her. Same with all of you.
“I don’t just fear you all because of the physical power you hold over me. You have no idea the true power you all really have, and that terrifies me. You four have the ability to break me completely and that makes me want to run so far away from you all, you could never find me. Even though we’re tied together, I’mpretty sure if one of you could find a way to untie us, you would. Not necessary because you don’t want a Binder, but because Derivius took that choice from us and that’s your way of taking it back. I don’t know what’s scarier. Spending my life as a Binder in this Valtrue or my Valtrue abandoning me. I’ve never opened up to anyone like this in my life and I want to throw up, then die from the shame I feel. I’ll never do this again.”
She takes a deep breath, the first one she’s taken since she started talking, and I swear it sucks the air out of my own lungs. I have to take my time to process each confession she just made. Each one cuts me a little more than the last.
There’re so many unknown layers to the goddess lying vulnerable in my arms right now. I just want to peel each one back until I know every single one of them intimately.
She didn’t have to tell me this is the most open she’s ever been. The tremble beneath her skin says that loud and clear. I honor what she asked of me, though, and don’t say a word despite how much I’d rather comfort her.
I lay my cheek against her head and tighten my arms around her.
Tomorrow, she’s going to wake up and pretend this one-sided conversation never happened. And that’s okay. For now.
I’ve made up my mind. Our situation is figured out. This may not have been exactly what I wanted in the beginning, but that was fear. A fear that’s very much still present, but we’ll work it out with time.
