Page 90 of The Gods Veiling
I chuckle a little. “Havar called you a spitfire.”
She smiles fondly. “And he’d be right. I was. When he was Chosen, our whole group was lost without him. The first time we saw him five years ago when he started Escorting the Chosen, he stopped by quickly when he passed through. He looked so happy, so free. Told me Godsden was everything he’d pictured and more. He just wished I, any of us, were there too. We all entered the next Veiling. Then the next and I was Chosen.
“I came in with this ready to conquer it all attitude. I was so excited, so full of naïve wonder. Then I was announced as an Attendant. I didn’t think it was all that bad because I was clueless. Then my domain was announced as one that couldn’t be spoken. There went the bright light flashing down on my head that said ‘Here’s the Godsdawn’s weirdo’.”
She pauses to take a deep breath and grabs the rag off the counter. I clutch my mug tighter between my hands.
“The mocking and bullying began immediately. The day after the off day, my first rotation was in the Gods Court. One of the gods, a Defender, cornered me. He threw some foul-ass comments my way and told me if I got on my knees, he’d make it to where everyone laid off me. I told him to go fuck himself. That landed my ass in the healing villas for a couple of days. That was a swift reality check that despite me keeping myself in shape, I was nothing compared to the gods I now lived around.
“The constant bullying, beatings, and forcing me to do all kinds of pointless shit kept on and on…It didn’t take long for them to break me. Once I finally stopped talking shit back, they got bored with me. For the most part, my problems stopped then. As long as I keep my head down, I don’t have much to worry about. Until now…”
She stops her rhythmic wiping she’d started doing when she began her story and peers at me through her lashes. I clear my voice twice to get the lump of anger in my throat down.
I literally fucking hate these gods.
“I’m so sorry that’s what you’ve been dealing with.”
“I appreciate that. We’ve got a pretty long life ahead of us and building up this situationship we’re in, so I didn’t tell you all that for us to become best friends right off the jump. I’m telling you this to warn you.
“I was so much like you when I arrived. Attitude wise. The Godsdawn knocked me down a few hundred pegs. It’ll be different for you because of your Valtrue, yes, but they aren’t the most loved around here. The others are going to test you. They’ll want to see where you stand and what you stand for. Not all of them, but those who believe they’re superior to you and those four, they will.”
I blow out a slow, steady breath as I gather myself. I hear her words loud and clear. I also believe her one hundred percent. I’ve already seen the High Chancellor in action firsthand. I can imagine what the others are like.
Part of me wants to tell her, don’t worry, I’m escaping the first chance I get. The other thinks about saying don’t fret, the gods have a plan for me. But honestly, that shit sounds cliché, and that’s probably going to make it all worse.
“I believe you. And I want you to believe me when I say, they won’t break me. Nor will they do anything to you from here on out. The difference between us is you had hopes and dreams coming here. I didn’t. I didn’t—still don’t—want to be here. So if they believe they’ll be able to pull some I’m better than you taurnshit card on me, they’ll learn quickly that won’t work. I don’t give a single fuck about them, who they pray to, who they want to become, any of it. The last thing I want is to be anything like them. I have zero desire to stand with them.”
She holds my gaze for a long, tense moment. Hopefully, I didn’t offend her with my words. I don’t think I did, but I also don’t know if she still holds the gods, any of them, in any sort of regard. I pretty much just told her how I feel about them.
“Good.” She goes back to eating silently and I exhale.
After that, over the next few hours, we bounce from the kitchen counter to the couch repeatedly as we go over what it means to be an Attending God as it’s called. I keep my mouth shut as much as possible and let her talk freely. No matter how many times she tells me this, she’s going to have to bear with me while I learn.
The rules are fucking stupid, and it makes me feel sick that she’s going to have to do things for me in front of other people. That’s basically the role of the Attendants. A personal assistant. More like personal slave.
This will be one of my greatest learning curves yet.
I’m impressed with how animated she gets explaining everything, though. The seriousness of our discussion prior to this gave way, and it was like a weight of some sort came off of her. She went into full-on teacher mode and hasn’t come out of it since.
There’s definitely another side to her. The more comfortable she gets, the more I see its desperate desire to break free. Regardless of whether she liked being placed in this role or not, she’s taken knowing her shit seriously.
“I’m actually a little excited about this.”
I nearly drop my mug. “What?”
“I swear I know it seems crazy after everything I’ve said and done, but the purpose of the Attendant Designation originally was for my domain, abilities, and personality to assist, compliment, and enhance yours. Over the years, that’s translated into what it is now. When I look at it from the perspective of what it should be like, add in your attitude about it, it makes total sense.
“I’ve always been a rule follower, at least to a large extent. You’re not so, it seems. Not to these rules anyways. I’m introverted now but wasn’t always that way. You seem like you’ve always been. I’m a very organized person. I can tell you’re the opposite. I’m kinda looking forward to getting your life together for you. I’ll need your schedule so I can get planning.”
I throw my head back, laughing at her assessment. “I’ll make sure to get you a copy of my schedule as soon as possible, but I do follow the rules I agree with. Not those created to control and manipulate. Like these taurnshit rules we just went over. Also, I do seem to function better in controlled chaos.”Thanks a lot, asshole.“As for being introverted…”
I sigh and lean more into the couch. She called me out on that one. I grab the glass of water she put on the coffee table and take a large sip while I contemplate what I want to say. I almost feel like I have to say something. She opened up to me earlier to give me a warning. If I don’t, it’ll seem like I don’t care to add to this…situationship as she called it.
“It’s always just been Lambrit, Mellcom, and Jeremiah. I’ve never had a close female friend, but I watched and envied the relationships the girls I grew up around had with one another into adulthood. In my mind, I’ve always been a girl’s girl. If they were ever in trouble or needed something, I’d be there, even if they were a stranger. I just wasn’t going to go to their houses for sleepovers and gossip about boys with them.
“I had my reasons for being resistant to gaining more relationships, putting myself out there, but my guardian insisted, so I gave it a shot to please him. One day, I overheard Danica, the girl I’d say I was ‘closest’ with, talking with a group about how if she got close to me, Mellcom would pay her attention. I put it in my head after that the only reason any of them would like me was so they could get closer to him. It was really just a crutch I could use not to make friends. That was the way I wanted it. I liked my small, unpoppable bubble.”
In my mind, when my parents returned, it’d be easy to take my small group of people I collected with me wherever we went next.
