Page 221 of The Gods Veiling
“It’s not Godsden I’m worried about. It’s you destroying yourself and her. Don’t let this side take over.” He squeezes my knee and stands. “I’ll go cause a distraction for the Goddess of Illusion. Maybe keep them from having a new house by the end of the day. I’m only a call away if you need me, son.”
I flick my wrist at him, dismissing him. “Yeah, yeah. Love you, mean it, bye.”
He breathes I love you back, but I ignore him and stare at my blazing glory. It’s not as spectacular now that he’s yanked me from my high.
Some fucking reunion that was.
Clarity is already finding its place back in my mind and I sneer.
When the chaos is in control, I don’t fret over my thoughts, my emotions. I go with the flow and be one with the moment. When it’s not, and I’m just normal, or even worse, harmonized, I have to face reality.
I don’t want to do that.
She makes me do that, and she doesn’t even realize it.
I’ve already had to do that once today for her. If I let my mind think about it too much, I can still feel her hot blood seeping between my fingers.
I started my run with my hands under her thighs but realized as soon as we made it out of the Court, she couldn’t hold herself around me. I had to adjust.
One arm cupped under her ass so I could balance her and my other hand rested at her lower back right underneath a lash.
Her blood poured through my fingers, down her pants, and onto my arm. That’s how much she was bleeding.
My harmony half shot through me, vying to make her better. Fix her. Her soft sobs were ripping me in two. I’ve never been more grateful than I was when she passed out.
Her quietly cried, “Thank you for saving me,” sent me over the edge.
My two halves collided like enemies at war.
The side that craves her, thinks about her nonstop, fought with a ferocity I’ve never felt before.
It won.
But only momentarily.
My favorite side pushed through once she was out of my arms and I was out of her room. That side is the smart side. It knows no one could ever understand, tolerate, or truly want us.
My own flesh and blood barely do.
Rarely, the two sides live peacefully inside of me. It’s been happening more with her around, and it’s petrifying.
I don’t think I like the feeling of peace.
I did like the way her body felt pressed to mine, though.
No, I didn’t.
Uh, I kind of did.
I call my chaos back out and let it surround me. I’ll abide by what Derivius asked of me and not let it pour out of me, but not at the expense of my own comfort right now.
I won’t sit here and dwell in my thoughts while there’s a beautiful view burning in front of my eyes.
I’ll sit in my blissful, purposeful ignorance, for a little while longer.
“Hey, diddle diddle, chaos and the killer,
An angel flew over the stars.
