Page 85 of Gift from the Source
You’ll defeat the darkness, and it will bend to your will.
Don’t spend your life mourning for me.
Don’t, in a few years, regret anything you did or anything you believed you did. I hold no ill feelings toward you, my boy. I’d never feel that way toward you. Only understanding. Always.
Call me a coward.
I must be, but I refuse to say goodbye.
Never goodbye.
If you need me, look for me in the pages. You will always find me there.
I love you, Cas.
Uncle Orien, xoxo
My eyes blink rapidly, and my lungs fill with air that I was depriving them of. Never once did my mind stray from the letter because I needed it all, all at one time. But now as I skim it again, I can’t help but wish I’d savored it. Read it slower so I had more time with it.
He gave me everything I wanted and needed. Not everything we need to know, but everything my mourning soul had hoped for.
He was proud of me. He never abandoned me.
Fuck, he had to make gut-wrenching decisions to save me.
“Cas.” I flinch as my name fills the silence. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay, Primary. I was just…”
“I know. He…wants me to open my mind to you,” she whispers, and I turn my head to her slowly.
“Right now?”
“Yeah. If you’re okay with it.”
Fuck.
I blow out a heavy breath and my head hangs against my hands that still clutch his letter. I contemplate if I want to hear from him or not. He gave me what I needed, even went as far as to avoid making that a goodbye. I didn’t want a goodbye then and I don’t want one now. I don’t think I could hear him say those words.
But I also need to hear his voice.
All I can do is give Willow a tight nod and a pinched frown, but it’s enough for her as her gift caressesmy mind.
“Don’t seem so fretful, nephew.”His chuckle rings from ear to ear and the weight on my shoulders lift.
“You got something wrong in your letter. Old age was getting to you early,”I say sarcastically and his humor continues to vibrate through me.
“My apologies. I was a little distracted. I was worried the old man was going to die of a heart attack in the living room.”
Snorting, a small smile slips free.“Good thing we don’t suffer such afflictions.”
“Good thing indeed. Nonetheless, you were right that I did get something wrong. I wasn’t too off course, but we both know the truth now. I’m thankful for my mistake.”
Closing my eyes, I swallow the lump in my throat.“Me too. And I’m sorry, Uncle. I’m so sorry for treating you so poorly when you were literally saving my life. Saving all our lives. We didn’t deserve you.”
“Nonsense. You all were my greatest blessings, and I was so fortunate for each moment I got to spend with you. I’d say I wouldn’t have changed a thing, but that’s a lie. I’d have much rather been able to stay with all of you, but the future you all have in front of you was worth every single sacrifice. My presence is only needed for a fleeting second now, Cas, so I just wanted to let you know, your future is no longer a blur for me, my boy. I can see the possibilities clearer than ever before.”
“Is what you see promising?”I ask, testing my luck. Maybe from the beyond he can say more than he used to be able to.
