Page 61 of Innocent Union
CHAPTER 16
Killian
My mother’s body looks so frail in her coffin. The makeup on her face helps her look more alive, which is unnerving. I’m starting to regret having an open casket ceremony.
Mia stands beside me, offering me support. There’s no one I’d rather be here with. Of all the people I know, she understands the best what it’s like to lose a parent. Antonio does as well, but things are still little tense between us after I killed his men.
The people in attendance at the ceremony are some of my other men, including Jeremy, who’s looking twitchy and nervous as usual.
I’m not expecting anyone else, so it surprises me when Mia’s mom, Giulia, arrives at the ceremony. She sits quietly near Mia during the funeral.
When the priest asks anyone if they have a few words they’d like to say, I freeze. I want to sing the praises of my mother, but all I can think about is the day my brother died.
He had a closed casket because it was unbearable for my mom to see his lifeless body. Most of that day is a blur. I only remember my mom crying unconsolably and my body beingfilled with tension. My heart was heavy, and I never thought I’d get out from under the weight of it.
When Finn’s coffin was lowered into the ground, I knew that was the last time I’d ever be close to my brother. He was gone, all because of an accident. He tripped and hit his head. That was it.
I was frozen that day, too. Neither my mom nor I stood up to speak. Other family members did it for us.
My aunt Sharon, who attends my mom’s funeral today, stands up to speak. I haven’t seen her much over the years. Not since she took me home from school that day Finn died.
“Erin was a light that could never be put out,” Sharon says. I don’t listen to the rest. It won’t be good enough.
When Sharon finishes, the priest offers the floor for anyone else to speak.
“Killian?” Mia asks me. “Do you want to say something?”
I’m still frozen. I can’t even feel my fingers. My entire body feels suspended in another realm, and I can’t reach it.
Mia stands up and approaches the microphone. “I didn’t know Erin for long, but the little bit I did get to know her, she had a warmth about her that was undeniable.”
Mia’s words make me sit up straighter in my chair. I start to pay attention.
“Erin will live on in her son, Killian. He’s the best man I’ve ever known. He’s been strong for me, and so I’m going to be strong for him. Erin will be missed. She will be remembered. I can say that confidently.”
Once Mia finishes, she sits back down beside me.
I can finally move again, and I take her hand to show her my thanks.
I want to speak for my mom. I couldn’t for my brother’s funeral, but I was just a kid back then. Now, I’m a man. I need to do this for her.
I get up and approach the microphone, my heart pounding as I go. “My mom—” I stop, my voice catching in my throat. The people in the crowd look at me with pity. The poor son who lost his mom.
“My mom,” I start again, “was a force to be reckoned with. She usually got what she wanted. And what she wanted most was to see me happy. And …” My eyes find Mia’s. “And I’ve found that happiness in my life.” Mia gives me a genuine smile. “I’ll miss you, Mom. But just know I’m happy. I will be happy.” I hurry away from the microphone and back to my seat. Talking about my mom is too hard. One day, it will be easier, but today is not that day.
The funeral ends, and everyone gets up to go to the reception.
Before I can leave, though, Giulia approaches me. “Those were nice words, Killian.”
“Thanks, Giulia.” I’m wary. Giulia has never been nice to me before. Usually, it wouldn’t bother me, but today, I know I’d crack.
She sighs deeply. “Mia, I’d like to talk to Killian alone.”
Mia glances my way. I give her a nod, and she gives us space.
“What do you want to say to me?” I ask Giulia.
“I wanted to say … I’m sorry.”
