Page 73 of Single Mom's Mountain Men
He's holding onto so much, and he's refusing to let go even if it kills him. But he would hate to see my pity right now. It will only make him feel worse. I just have to be open and honest with him.
“The point isn’t to fix you,” I say gently. “The point is to help you find better coping methods. Or maybe just to get it off your chest, to share the burden. I used to have frequent nightmares three years ago, and they only stopped after I found someone to talk to.” In my case, it wasn’t a therapist per se, but a bartender at one of the places I would frequent while the kids were in daycare. They had great wings and while I enjoyed my meal at the bar, the young lady behind it would always strike up conversation. She told me she had a psychology degree, which made sense because she was so easy to talk to. Before I knew it, I was spilling my guts about my nightmares and Keegan’s sporadic verbal and physical abuse. I of course couldn’t tell her everything about Keegan and his business, but I knew she could probably tell at least some of it was illegal. And while I never took her advice to leave him at that point, it was one of our conversations that planted the first seed of escape.
It was also nice to have someone at least pretend to care for two hours of the day.
Jennifer, her name was. Sometimes, I still think about her. But I had to stop going there after a few months, so Keegan wouldn’t get suspicious. I didn’t want him to hurt her too.
“Why were you having frequent nightmares?”
The question jogs me out of my reverie, and immediately alerts me that I’ve revealed too much.
I cough to cover up my sudden awkwardness and say,“You know. Being a new mother and all, it’s not exactly the easiest thing.”
“What about their father?”
I nearly laugh at the thought of Keegan performing any childcare. “He was a bum in that regard. He didn’t care about them.”
Something dark glitters in Mitch’s eyes as he nods in sympathy. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Despite the difficulty, I wouldn't trade my daughters for the world. But yes. It was tough and talking to someone helped me. I think therapy would help you too.”
He frowns, and stares out the window. “Maybe. But probably not.”
I can’t help but smile. Stubborn man. There’s so much about Mitch I admire. His strength and dedication. His fierce loyalty and protectiveness. Even his dogged drive and sense of duty.
But his stubbornness is strangely adorable too.
It’s weird to think about Mitch in such terms. He’s a ‘man’s man’ in every sense of the word, a man who carries everyone’s burden on his own, never showing how heavy it is. He’s so strong and so dependable, but that’s what makes him so vulnerable too. And maybe that’s the reason I’m falling for–
I pull back on that thought, with an internal gasp.
What am I thinking? I can’t be falling for Mitch. How could I be falling for one brother while sleeping with the other two?
Well to be fair, you might be falling in love with all of them.
No! I reject the idea unequivocally, even as my heart thumps faster calling me a liar, reminding me of every time it fluttered or melted in the men’s presence.
I can’t fall for them now. The thought induces more panic. They’re too good for me. All I have to offer them is emotional baggage and trauma. They deserve better than that.
And if I fall in love with them, then I would have to tell them the truth about me and that would complicate everything.
Better to keep things simple. No matter what I’m doing with Wes and Charlie, I refuse to let my heart be involved.
Even though Charlie melts me with his gentle touch, so much so that he makes me want to weep.
And playful Wes makes me laugh constantly.
And Mitch, the rock, takes charge and makes me feel like I have nothing at all to worry about.
They’re all amazing men, but I have to keep my feelings in check. For all our sakes.
Still, I silently make it my mission to somehow get Mitch to relax and let go of at least some of his burden. It's going to be a process but I'm not going to stop until I succeed.
“You don’t have those nightmares anymore right?” he asks and I turn my attention back to his eyes, still glittering in the dark.
I shake my head. “No, I don’t.” It’s not a total lie. I do still dream of Keegan once in a while, but it’s nowhere close to the bone-chilling dreams I used to have everyday.
Mitch continues staring. “If they ever come back, let me know.”
