Page 51 of Quiet Rage
“Maybe I can test that theory today,” I offer. “I’ll try both and see which one tastes better.
Kellen’s face lights up with a smile. “I’m looking forward to your conclusion.”
I smile back at him, falling into the role of his girlfriend too easily. Why is this so easy to me? I’m genuinely having a good time talking to him, even smiling. My mood sours, shame blooming at letting my guard down like this.
The air shifts between us. I lean back in my chair, suddenly feeling the need to put space between us.
Kellen sighs. “You need to get out of your head. Stop thinking so much and just be here in the moment.”
“I’m trying,” I counter, my voice sounding tired and defeated.
“How about we come up with something like an alternative story?”
I give him a confused shrug. “What do you mean?”
“We could come up with a story of how we met,” he explains. “Like…maybe we met at the bowling alley?”
I give him a half-hearted smirk. “When was the last time you went to a bowling alley?”
“Okay maybe that was a bad example,” he admits. “But you get the point?”
“Yes, you want me to forget the past and replace bad memories with better ones.”
“You say it like that’s a bad thing,” he points out. “Wouldn’t you feel better forgetting and letting it go?”
Of course I would. That’s why I was giving in so easily. “Yes, but letting go of something is scary.”
“I wish I could take your fear away,” Kellen says, his voice sounding honest. “I’d rather see you smile than cry.”
“I don’t have a lot to smile about.”
“I know, but I’m trying to change that. You just have to give it a chance…give me a chance.”
A few moments of silence settle over us, and I take that time to think. Giving him a chance would mean trusting him. Opening myself up even more than I already have. He has forced me into a vulnerable position, but he is asking even more now.
The doorbell rings. The sudden sound makes me jump in my chair.
“I’ll get it,” Kellen announces, before getting up and walking to the door. I get up myself and grab two glasses, then filling them with tap water and setting them on the table.
A minute later, he returns with a white bag of food. He sets it on the table and starts to unwrap the containers inside. The savory smell of sweet and sour sauce fills the air and my mouth waters. Kellen opens my box and pushes it right in front of me. I take the chopsticks from the bag and free them from their paper wrapping.
Lucky for me, eating with chopsticks is like riding a bike. Even though I haven’t done it in forever, I can still do it. I take my first bite and almost moan because it’s so good. I shove a few more large pieces of fried chicken in my mouth, chewing slowly to enjoy every bite.
I concentrate on my food until I’ve polished off almost half of my meal.
“Maybe we met at the mall?” I look up from my container and over at Kellen. “You went to the big and tall store. I was smelling candles and sampling the lotions next door.”
He smiles before adding to my story. “We ran into each other on the way to the food court.”
I nod. “You asked me out for lunch, and I said yes. We were going to get a slice of pizza, but the cinnamon rolls smelled so good, we ended up just eating those.”
“We talked while we ate,” he continues.
“I told you all my secrets, and you told me yours in return.”
“And when I kissed you goodbye, I could still taste the sugar on your lips,” he concludes.
“That’s a good story,” I say, wishing it was actually true.
