Page 62 of Leave Before I Love You
And the thought of not having her in my life anymore… It’s unbearable.
I grab my phone again, staring at the screen. Still no response. My chest tightens. I’ve always been the guy who’s good at bouncingback, at moving on to the next thrill. But this? This feels different. This feels like something you don’t move past.
I take another sip of beer, the cold liquid doing nothing to ease the ache in my chest. For the first time in a long time, I feel lost and not the kind you can fix with a GPS or a map. This is deeper. This is the kind of lost where you don’t even know where you’re supposed to be looking.
And the worst part? The only person who might be able to help me find my way again isn’t here.
And I fucking miss her.
Avery
“I know. Yes. Yes, I’m leaving now.” June turns back to me, her eyes pleading from the sliding door. “Unless Avery thinks I should stay tonight.”
I catch myself before I laugh, not wanting to hurt my bestie’s delicate pregnancy feelings, but shake my head. “That’s not necessary, Juni. Go home to your husband and daughter.”
Spinning back to the railing of my balcony, I close my eyes and breathe in the breezy, salty air coming off the water. I’ve lived in Miami my whole life, and in this specific condo for several years, and I’ve never appreciated the view as much as I do right now.
It’s peace and memories and just enough Henry to keep myself from going stir-crazy in my newly revolutionized world now that I’m officially home from the hospital after being discharged this afternoon.
June’s been hovering over me all day, long after Beau left to get Addy from the sitter and my parents went home to their house. And despite lots and lots of trying, I’ve not been able to get my contacts to load into the new phone that arrived with a simple note from a courier shortly after I got home.
I’ve synced to my computer and reloaded and restarted and practically bribed the fucking tech gods on Best Buy’s website withsexual favors, but nothing, and I mean nothing, has granted me access to my numbers.
June gave me hers and Beau’s and my parents, but I’ve been too embarrassed to ask for Henry’s so far, much to my own detriment.
Opening my eyes and taking a deep breath, I take my phone out of my shorts pocket and start messing with it again, toggling all the settings switches like a maniac.
June touches my shoulder, startling me, and I fumble the phone so hard, I just narrowly miss dropping it off the balcony in a dangerous tumble.
“Shoot, sorry,” she apologizes. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I guess I’m going to go for now. Unless—”
“Don’t you dare say it, June. Go home. For the love of God, go home.”
“Fine!” She huffs. “Whatever. Just know that I could have fixed you a whole-ass meal if you’d let me stay. Five courses!”
God, she’s the best.I smile. “I love you, truly, but once you deliver your newborn several months from now and look back at this time, you’ll understand how crazy you’re being.”
She leans forward and kisses my cheek and then pulls me into a hug. “Call me if you need me.”
I nod. “I will.”If I can ever get this phone to work.I don’t dare mention the technological troubles to her, though. She’ll never leave.
“What are you going to do?”
I shrug. “Sleep, I guess.”
She considers me closely for a long moment, and I pause intently, waiting for the scrutiny to pass.
I know I’m different.I know.
But the last thing I want to get into with June right now is all the reasons why.
Ten minutes of begging later, I finally get my best friend out the door, waving goodbye as the doors to the elevator close in front of her.
I shut the front door of the condo and lock it, and then I retreatto my room, climbing into the comfort of newly washed sheets, courtesy of June’s neuroses.
It’s plush and warm and all the things I longed for during the chilly, uncushioned nights on the island.
And yet, it’s all wrong.
