Page 55 of Leave Before I Love You
I nod. “I know you do. But you need rest. I can see it in the god-awful circles under your eyes, sweetie. And so do I. Go home, take a bubble bath, send Beau out to get me a new phone…” I eye my brother, and he nods his compliance without complaint. If I can get a phone, maybe I can figure out a way to get in touch with Henry. “And take care of my best friend the way she’d expect me to take care of myself. Okay?”
She finally nods, leaning forward to kiss my forehead before shoving off the bed and melding immediately into Beau’s waiting arm. “I’ll be back first thing in the morning.”
I shrug. “I’d expect nothing less.”
A blissful silence befalls the room as my family shuffles out, and Justin shifts to lean a hip into my bed in the spot June just vacated.
He’s still smiling, oblivious to the fact that his presence feels like a weight pressing down on my chest and the bomb I’m about to drop to relieve it.
“I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he says. “After everything you’ve been through…it’s the least I can do.”
“You don’t have to stay,” I say finally, my voice softer than I intend. None of this is his fault, and that makes it harder than it should be.
“I want to…” Justin’s brows knit together, seemingly clueing in to my stiff shoulders and gritty frown. “Unless you don’t want me here?”
I swallow hard. This is the moment. I could let him stay, maintain this facade just to feel less alone knowing Henry is somewhere in this hospital with his girlfriend Ashley, but it would be a lie. And I’m so tired of lying to myself, even if it’s easier.
“Justin,” I start, my voice firm. I take a deep breath, steeling myself to hurt a nice person’s feelings. “You’re a great guy. Really. And I’ve appreciated you being here for me. But there is no future for us.”
His face falls, and for a moment, I hate myself for being so concise. “What do you mean?” he asks, his voice low.
“I mean us,” I say. “I…I don’t think we’re right for each other. And it’s not fair to you for me to keep pretending otherwise.”
He’s quiet, his jaw tightening as he processes my words. “But I thought we had something, Avery. I’m in lo—”
“No,” I cut him off, holding up my hand. “Don’t go there, Justin. Please, do not go there.”
“But I do, Avery!” he exclaims, shoving off the bed to stand to his full six-foot-three height. “I lov—”
“You think you do,” I cut him off again. “But you don’t really know me. And honestly, I don’t really know you.”Let’s face it, I fucking forgot about you while I was on that island. “We were only dating for a very short time before everything happened, and I’m grateful that you’re here and I’m sorry for all of the stress I’ve put you through, but we’re not right together.”
“How can you say that?” he questions. “How do you even know if you don’t try?”
“Justin, I just know, okay?” I retort. “I just know.”I know how it feels when it’s right.
“I can’t believe this,” Justin mutters, running a hand through his hair. “I thought…I really thought this was going somewhere.”
I shake my head, staring down at my hands as I knot my fingerstogether. “The truth is, Justin…no relationship with any man, for me, has ever been going anywhere.”
Being stranded on an island with Henry is just what made me realize why…
His brow draws together as he tries to make sense of it all—what I’m saying, how he’s feeling, maybe even how everything he thought we had was a lie. “Are you saying…”
I nod.
“Are you saying you’re a lesbian?”
“Ye—wait. What?”
“You said it’s never been going anywhere withany man.”
I’m not proud of it, but I almost go with it, just to spare his feelings. In the end, though, I think it really is time that I grow up enough to hold myself responsible for my choices, good or bad.
“No. I…I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. I’m just not the right fit for you, Justin. I…have a lot of personal growth to do, some of which started in the last thirteen days, and it’s taught me a few things I can’t ignore. I would love to stay friends, if you think that’s something you’d be okay with, but romantically, this is the end of the line.”
He sighs, settling his hands on his hips and looking thoughtfully away before turning back to me. “I guess I should have seen this coming… I was just hoping it wasn’t.”
I nod and shrug. Not to make light of the situation but to put on the punctuation all the same. There isn’t anything that could happen in this room to change my mind because of everything that happened somewhere else. “I’m sorry.” Because truthfully, I am sorry. Sure, I love attention and adoration, but I don’t love the idea that this guy was pining for me—fearing that I was dead—while I was stranded on an island. That doesn’t make me feel good. And that says a lot because, usually, just about every type of attention makes Avery Banks feel good.
