Page 45 of Leave Before I Love You
It’s a miracle we survived as long as we did.
If it weren’t for Henry Callahan and all the things his dad taught him, we sure as hell wouldn’t have. Thank God he’s the man he is.
Thank God he exists.
It almost makes me laugh that there was a time, not that long ago, when I didn’t feel that way. A time when Henry’s very presence was the thing that could send me into a spiral.
A time when I actively wished for the disbandment of the four stooges and, if I’m honest, conspired to make it happen.
The Past
Almost two years ago
Avery
Addy smells like all newborn babies do—like addiction and powder and curdled milk in the folds of their neck—as I cuddle her close to my chest, lifting her up higher every once in a while to kiss her little button nose.
June sits on the rocking chair across from me that Beau moved into the living room at her request, and my brother sets down a duffel bag on a kitchen island stool behind her.
I eye him with unconcealed malice. “I can’t believe you’re fucking leaving my best friend, six weeks after giving birth, to go on a golf trip with your stupid friends. Like, hello? Can you saygrow up?”
June laughs, her slightly inflamed face curling up into a smile. “It’s no big deal, Ave. I gave him permission to go.”
“Which was a dumb move on your part. I mean, Juni, this is the time for you to milk it, my God. You just pushed this adorable little bowling ball out of your vageen. The Arby’s Roast Beef will never be the same, and you’re just letting himleave? I couldnever.”
I look from her back to my brother. “Does she have a fresh mani? A fresh pedi? A massage appointment every week? Do youhave daily flower delivery and Starbucks DoorDashes coming every day? Because if not, dear brother, you’re not doing enough.”
June laughs again. “I don’t need my nails done to take care of a baby, Avery. All I’m doing is sitting around the house and soaking it in.”
“And whose fault is that?” I ask, spearing my brother with daggers again. He comes to sit at June’s side, his face now worried.
“Maybe she’s right, Juniper June. It’s only been six weeks. I don’t have to go on this trip,” Beau says, his eyes searching June’s face. “I can stay. The guys will understand. You and Avery could go out to dinner or have a girls’ weekend or something.”
“Yes! That’s a much better idea!” I clap my hands behind Addy’s little baby back, but Juniper cuts me off with an annoyingly diplomatic glare.
“Don’t be silly!” Juniper protests, rolling her eyes. “It’s my fault that I’m just hanging at home because that’s what Iwantto be doing. I’m soaking in every minute of this maternity leave I can and smelling as much baby skin as possible.”
I smell Addy again and sigh. Shedoessmell good.
“Well, that’s fine. You can hang out and do nothing, but Beau should do the same.” I shrug one nonchalant, I-don’t-care-if-I-just-offended-you shoulder. “What? He can just go on working and galivanting like he pleases because he has a penis? I don’t think so. Drop the dead weight of all three of those friends and be a man, Beau.”
My brother shakes his head, exhaling like he doesn’t have the energy to fight me on this. “They’re not dead weight. They’re good friends.”
I chuff. It’s not that they’renotloyal or trustworthy or occasionally fun, but they’realwaysaround. They practically live in his pocket, like a trio of golden retrievers who refuse to go home.
Things would be a lot easier if they’d just keep to themselves a little more.Then I wouldn’t be tempted to go around kissing some of them all the time.
“Plus, Henry really does need this trip,” Beau continues, his tone a little heavier now, a little quieter. “They just diagnosed his dad with cancer, and it’s…not good.”
My stomach drops.
“Henry’s dad has cancer?” My voice comes out too sharp, my spine snapping straight as a strange, unwelcome pang rolls through me.
“Yeah.” June’s nod is sad. “They just found it, but it’s already spread. They’re saying a couple years at most, you know?”
I force myself to swallow past the sudden lump in my throat.
“That sucks,” I say, staring down at Addy, watching the gentle rise and fall of her tiny chest, willing my focus to stay there instead of on the heaviness settling deep inside me.
