Page 44 of Leave Before I Love You
Still, it’s so strange to be with other people, so weird to have a barrier between me and the man I’ve spent the last thirteen days surviving with.
My eyes dance behind Beau, trying to find Henry, but Ronnie and Mav both block my view by crowding in front of him. Though obstructed, I know he sits on the other side of the helicopter by the door, his knees to his chest and his head in his hands as Ronnie and Mav both slap and rub at his shoulders with relieved aggression. There’s a salve on his dry, chapped lips, courtesy of the medic who was working on him, and a blanket is wrapped lightly around his shaking shoulders. I’m glad he’s being loved on and taken care of like I am, but I feel almost jealous that it’s coming from someone other than me.
It’s crazy and startling and doesn’t make a lick of fucking sense, given how readily I would have taken the avoidance just two short weeks ago. But we’ve barely left our island, and yet I miss him.
Beyond that, not being able to meet his eyes is painful and scary, and I’m nearly desperate to know how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking. This is everything we’ve dreamed of since we crashed, but I know both of us had reached a point where we truly didn’t think it was going to happen. It’s not as simple as it could be—as it probably should be. Instead, it’s much, much more complicated.
Beau finally pulls back and holds me at arm’s length, studying the changes in my face and body with incredulity. “How are you feeling? Do you hurt? Are you hurt? What do you need? What can I do?”
I shake my head, barely registering his questions as I try to get a look at Henry again, only to be foiled. I just need to see his face—to hold his eyes and bury myself in the comfort I know I’ll find there. Ineedit.
Beau’s concern grows as I don’t answer, and I can’t blame him. Being at a loss for words isn’t even remotely my normal MO. I talk and I yap and, right now, I should be railing the whole lot of people on this helicopter with complaints. “Ave. Honey. I think you might be in shock. Are you in shock?”
I shake my head slightly, willing myself to say something, anything to comfort my brother, but preoccupied with Henry, I can’t seem to find the words.
Mav and Ronnie are pulling full-time duty on the other side of the helicopter, too, trying to assess Henry for needs or injuries, and unlike me, it seems like he’s managing to at least answer.
I know because his voice is the only thing I can pick out among the sound of the rotor blades as we cruise over the brilliant, sunny blue water of the Atlantic Ocean, bound for Miami. It’s not loud; I’m just attuned.
“Avery!” Beau yells, his normally calm speech grating on panicked. “Look at me! Are you okay?”
My focus restored with a snap of his fingers right in front of my nose, I meet my brother’s honey-brown eyes and nod, forcing myself to do right by him the way he’s always done right by me. I cup his cheek with a gentle hand to emphasize my point, and the difference in the color of our skin is pointedly obvious. While our tones are normally similar, today, I’m at least ten shades darker.
“I’m okay, Beau.” It’s a promise to both him and myself as I sort my thoughts.
Ready or not, in just a short while, we’ll be back on land and bombarded with ten times the number of people on this small helicopter. If I can’t handle the attention of my brother by himself, I’ll never manage in the raw, rushed attention of my parents and June and everyone else.
“Oh, thank God,” he cries again, slamming me back into a hug that rocks my body backward, thanks to a deteriorating and weakening muscle structure. “My baby sister.” His cries are loud and unchecked, and I rub at his back with a calming hand. “June and Mom and Dad and the geriatrics, as you call them…” I laugh internally at the thought of my band of grandparents that do every single thing in their lives together. From cruises to doctor’s appointments to trips to the grocery store—they do everything as a fierce foursome. “We were all so worried. Addy asked about you constantly too, but we tried everything we could to keep her from worrying.”
Aw, my sweet little niece Addy. God, I’ve missed her so.
I nod into Beau’s shoulder, but once again, without even meaning to, I’m seeking out Henry again. Sure, he has Ronnie and Mav and Beau and me…but with his dad having passed a few months ago, he has no family to go back to.
No parents or grandparents or distant cousins even—no one to welcome him with open arms and unconcealed fanfare and all the tender, loving care he so desperately deserves.
Pushing Beau back, I cup his face one last time before leaning in to kiss the apple of his cheek, and then I crawl across the helicopter, the way it looks or the shock it may cause be damned. I need Henry, if only for a little while longer.
Through Ronnie and Maverick and straight into Henry’s arms, I hug him tightly without a care in the world for who’s looking on, though I know they must be noticing with curiosity. I hiccup on a sob, the dam of untapped emotion finally overflowing, and break into cries. My face smothered in his warm, familiar chest, he rubs a hand down my back until I stop.
When I finally get it together, I move to sit beside him, tucking my body against his and holding his hand. Ronnie, Mav, and Beau all stare at us with wide eyes, and I find myself cracking a joke to lighten the tension.
“I’m sorry… I just… I can’t wait to take a shower.”
Beau laughs and jumps forward to kiss my forehead, and despite my position against Henry, everyone’s behavior finally returns to normal.
Except me, of course. Ronnie, Mav, and Beau gab and chatter and celebrate in front of us, and I sit quietly, listening and taking it all in.
I squeeze Henry’s fingers tight—as tight as I can—trying and failing miserably to prepare myself for the moment when I’ll have to let go.
“Seventeen islands, fifty square miles of ocean,” Beau regales, going over all the details of the search mission they’ve lived and breathed for the last thirteen days. “June tried to reach out to Avery to see how the skydive was, and then we heard from the news and the FAA that air traffic control lost communication with a plane somewhere off the coast.”
I look at Henry when he squeezes my hand, expecting his eyes, but he’s looking at the three stooges and listening carefully before explaining, “The pilot had some kind of medical emergency, and the plane went into a dive. I tried to revive him and considered trying to take control, but I wasn’t confident we even had any lift left. I made the decision to get us out of there.” He shrugs thoughtfully. “I didn’t know where we were either, besides an estimation based on how long we’d been in the air. I wasn’t paying close attention.”
Beau nods from his position on the floor at the back of the helicopter, his arms draped over his knees. “The plane didn’t have a working transponder, so we had no clue where you actually crashed. The sheer area to search was daunting. All we knew was that no one on the coast saw the plane go down, and no ships reported it either. We’ve been working your path every day, all day, but it took us this long to get this far out.”
I glance behind us to the window in the door, watching as the sparkling blue water zooms by below us.All this ocean with no idea where to start.
It’s a miracle we weren’t lost forever.
