Page 78 of New Beginnings At Pencarrow Bay
Peggy reached over to touch his arm. ‘None of it’s your fault.’
‘Yeah, but the idea that you two were going around thinking I was abusing Kim’s mum emotionally and physicallyhurtingher… It’s horrible. You should have said something.’
Ted nodded. ‘I should have. I’m ashamed. And really sorry, Felix. I’m afraid I did believe her, though. She was very convincing.’
‘I’m sorry, too,’ Peggy said. Ted had long ago bled out on the guilt and contrition front and she wasn’t going to add to his woes by explaining to Felix that she had begun to question the veracity of Lindy’s tale some time ago. Because, until recently, even she hadn’t been completely sure.
Felix gave a rueful grin and threw his hands into the air. ‘Christ, these last couple of months have been even more stressful than the debacle at the bank. And I never thought I’d say that.’
‘What will happen when Lindy comes home?’ Peggy asked him. ‘Is it going to work, you two living together?’
‘Good question. Kim doesn’t want to leave her mum onher own, for obvious reasons. But I worry my presence in the house won’t help her. So I honestly don’t know what we’ll do.’
Peggy felt for poor Felix. Unfairly maligned– and she knew how that felt– and now in the unenviable position of living with a psychotic mother-in-law.
Felix rose to his feet. ‘I’d better get back. Kim’s doing supper.’ He gave a half-smile. ‘She seems to have turned a corner with the new meds, thank goodness.’
‘Listen, thanks for the computer stuff, Felix. It means everything,’ Peggy told him, hugging him as they said goodbye.
After the door shut behind him, Peggy let out a sigh. Going over to Ted she leaned against his chest, snaking her arms around his warm body. As he held her close, she felt the love flowing between them as if it were a real, physical thing. Stronger, perhaps, for the hiatus.
‘I think… I think that draws a line,’ Peggy said slowly. ‘It’s over.’
But two weeks later, Peggy received a text that made her breath catch in her throat, her heart thump through her ribcage:Hi, Peggy. I’m back in Lilac House for a short while, read the message.Would you consider dropping in sometime? I’m sure you’re not keen to see me again. But I would like to apologize for the awful things I did to you and Ted. Lindy.
Peggy practically dropped the phone. She stared at the words on the screen as if she’d been turned to stone, incapable of working out what she should do. Lindy was the last person in the world she felt like meeting. She’d known, of course, that Lindy would, at some stage, be backat home. But she’d pushed the thought from her mind, unwilling to deal with it. The horror she’d felt when she’d first read that email to Sienna had still not left her. Neither had the frustration– the helplessness and paranoia– that followed. She still shuddered at the memory.
When Lindy apologizes, I’ll feel duty bound to forgive her, she thought.Can I do that?
Ted was at work.What would he say?Lindy hadn’t asked to see him, although that was probably on advice from her therapist. But she wasn’t sure Ted would have a reliable response, his tangled relationship with Lindy still tormenting him as he went over and over how he could have managed things better.
In the end, Peggy worked out that they would have to see the woman sooner or later. It could be a random encounter, in the deli or along the sea road. It could be in someone’s house or at the coffee stall– although she hoped Lindy would give Henri a wide berth.Wouldn’t it be better to control the occasion?Be in charge, not suddenly brought up short by her unexpected presence.
Kim greeted her at the door. She seemed brighter than when Peggy had last seen her, her expression livelier, less vacant. Peggy wondered if, on top of the new medication, the necessity of stepping up to help her mother had drawn Kim out of herself.
‘Mum’s in the kitchen,’ she said, smiling uncertainly at Peggy, sympathy in her eyes. As Peggy turned towards the passage, Kim reached out and held her back. Dropping her voice to a whisper, she added, ‘Thought you ought to know, she’s going to stay with her sister, Aunt Caroline, inWales for the rest of the summer. The doctor thinks she needs a complete break from…’ she hesitated, ‘…the bay environment,’ she finished lamely. Peggy knew what she meant.
‘Thanks,’ she said softly, but the relief she sensed she should feel refused to percolate through her anxiety at imminently facing Lindy again.
Peggy felt the smooth flagstones beneath her sandals as she made her way along the corridor, guts clenching, nauseated today by the sickly scent of the cloves and dried roses wafting from the bowl in the hall, which she had previously liked. She was worried that even the sight of Lindy might trigger her resentment. She knew she should feel only sympathy for a woman who was so sick, but ‘sympathy’ seemed like a step too far right now.
Lindy was sitting on the far side of the table when Peggy, steeling herself, entered the kitchen. Never a large woman, she seemed to have halved in size and doubled in age. It was now a tiny, fragile, birdlike figure– white hair pulled back into a hairband and face without makeup– who greeted Peggy, her voice so soft she could barely hear what Lindy said. Smiling tentatively, Lindy indicated the chair opposite. ‘Thank you for coming, Peggy. That was very generous.’
‘Generous’ is not the word I’d have chosen, Peggy thought cynically. But when she took in Lindy’s appearance, shock and pity replaced the anger. She nodded and sat down.
Lindy had her hands on the table. She was pick-picking at her fingers in a fluttery, nervous way and did not speak. Peggy had no idea what to say, so she too said nothing.
‘I don’t expect you to forgive me for how I behaved withTed. Or for those emails,’ Lindy finally said, in a stronger voice that, to Peggy, seemed strained but purposeful. ‘What I did to you both was shocking. Cruel. And I’m so, so sorry.’ She took a few shallow breaths, and Peggy wondered if the woman was not well physically, as well as mentally, she seemed so pale. ‘I can’t explain what came over me. I wasn’t really aware of what I was doing at the time.’ She paused. ‘Not that I’m excusing myself. I’m certainly not.’
Peggy didn’t interrupt: she felt there was more and there was.
‘People sometimes say,’ Lindy went on, ‘“I wasn’t myself.” And I know what they mean now. It was so confusing. I genuinely believed Ted loved me and I him.’ Lindy lowered her head and the finger-picking got more frantic. When she looked up again, she blinked anxiously at Peggy. ‘It was all completely real to me. Everything I felt, however insane it actually was, seemedreal… Those emails were my deluded attempt to have Ted to myself… It’s shaming.’
Peggy, moved by Lindy’s words, spoke: ‘That sounds pretty scary.’
With a wan smile, Lindy replied, ‘Funnily enough, it wasn’t always. There were times when things didn’t make sense, flashes of sanity, I suppose. Then I got panicky and very frightened… confused. But at other times I felt powerful, totally in charge.Iknew what was right. It was everyone else who was deluded and obstructive.’
Peggy tried to understand. What Lindy said made sense in one way, although she felt extremely lucky she couldn’t imagine being in such a nightmare herself. But Lindy’s description of her state of mind also seemed at oddswith the calculation required to target Peggy… Which, although there was madness to it, seemed to be quite clear-minded and deliberate.
