Page 76 of New Beginnings At Pencarrow Bay
Ted took a long time to respond. When he did, his tone was hesitant. ‘I don’t know…’ He shifted awkwardly in his chair, his trainers squeaking on the wooden rung, his eyes ranging across the garden towards the sea.
Peggy waited, thought he was about to go on. But it was a long moment before he said, ‘I think, perhaps… this sounds daft… but that day Lindy ran off with me to the café…’ Ted gave a shrug. ‘She said something… in a certain way. And, well, the truth is, she reminded me of my mother.’ The words seemed to have exhausted him and he slumped back in his chair.
Peggy frowned.His mother?She was about to interject, when Ted went on, ‘I know I’ve told you in the past that Mum liked a glass or two of red wine…’
She nodded.
‘But I never explained the real truth, Pegs. Never wanted it tobetrue.’ A long pause followed. ‘Mum was a desperate drunk, you see. And she was always,alwaysin need ofrescuing.’ He rolled his eyes, seemingly lost in the world of his boyhood. ‘Minor things, like locking herself out. Or reaching the checkout without any cash. Begging me to hide the empty bottles from Dad by sneaking them into other people’s bins after dark… All that was normal, par for the course.’ He gave a nonchalant shrug, as if these things were reasonable responsibilities for a child. ‘Then there was the more major stuff.’ He swallowed hard. ‘Like setting the kitchen on fire one time– and her hair. Passing out drunk on the front step, blood pouring from her head… I thought she was dead. Like throwing a glass at my father and nearly taking his eye out… He needed fifteen stitches.’
Peggy was utterly shocked by what he was telling her. He’d never even hinted, before, at the appalling degree of his mother’s drinking or how it had affected him. Lois had been enshrined in a warm glow of beauty and artistic talent, dying tragically young in her fifties from undiagnosed heart disease, according to Ted. That was pretty much all Peggy knew about the woman because, as with his marriage to Maria, Ted resolutely brushed off any enquiries about his childhood. Alfie, his brother in Canada, was the only family member he seemed at ease talking about. Their relationship was safely distant, both emotionally and literally.
Ted was speaking again. ‘Such a bright, beautiful light, Mum. But also teetering on the edge of sanity. Lindy was nothing like her in many ways, but there was something in her eyes when she looked at me…’ He fell silent for a second. ‘It shocked me, Pegs. Took me right back, like I was a ten-year-old again. The way she begged me for help– I felt utterly powerless in her hands.’
Peggy felt a terrible pang of sadness and pity for the small, worried boy. ‘Bright’ and ‘beautiful’ didn’t seem the right words to describe a woman who’d burdened her young son like Lois must have.
Ted gave a heavy sigh. ‘I spent my childhood worrying about Mum… feeling ultimately responsible. Because Dad was always working and Alfie never seemed to notice– maybe they’d given up on her, I don’t know, it was never talked about. And she didn’t have friends who lasted for more than a brief flare of drunken enthusiasm. Seemed to me like I was all she had to protect her.’
‘Oh, my God, Ted. I’m so, so sorry. That sounds absolutely awful. And so sad.’
But Ted still seemed determined to downplay the trauma of his past. ‘Sorry, I’m rambling. And, please, believe me, I’m not telling you this now to excuse how stupidly short-sighted I’ve been about Lindy.’ He paused. ‘You know, I think I was sort of flattered by her choosing me to save her. She’s such a presence, the queen of the village– if you’re not talking to Bunny, of course. And I wanted so much to be respected, to be part of Pencarrow.’
The two didn’t speak as Peggy digested what Ted had revealed. She knew how hard it must have been– as a man who would far rather be doing than thinking– confronting his feelings. Not least about a past that was clearly still so tender to the touch.
‘I wish you’d told me about your mother. Dealing with an addict is a nightmare, just awful, at the best of times. But when it’s your mum…’ She realized how short her time with Ted had been. History would have been less entrenched, perhaps, in a younger person, not coveredwith layers of unconscious rewriting over the decades, until it was moulded into a manageable, believable form: his bright, beautiful, talented mother.
‘No point, really. Long time ago now.’ He thought for a minute. ‘It was just so weird, really upsetting, the way it all came rushing back like that. Made me even more determined to help Lindy, though, because I couldn’t help Mum, of course,’ he ended sadly.
Peggy pulled him into her arms. For a long time they held each other. She could feel his tension gradually melt away in her embrace. She hugged him tighter, wanting to wash away every ounce of his pain, knowing she couldn’t but pleased that he’d at least, finally, been able to be more honest about his traumatic childhood– although he’d barely scratched the surface, she imagined.
It was a while before either spoke or let each other go. Then Peggy said, ‘I was worried something had broken between us.’
Ted’s eyes sparked with alarm but he didn’t immediately reply. ‘Broken?’ he repeated blankly, perhaps still reeling from his earlier confession.
She tried to explain. ‘You and me… before all this, our love affair had felt so perfect. I think I insisted, in my head, that it was perfect. Ineededit to be… Which is ridiculous, of course.’
When Ted spoke, she heard the edge of panic in his voice. ‘We’re solid, aren’t we, Pegs? I know it’s been really difficult recently, but…’ he cleared his throat ‘…you still love me, don’t you?’
Peggy felt the man beside her was holding his breath, the grip on her hand intensifying almost to the level ofdiscomfort. Looking him straight in the eye so he would have no doubt that she spoke the truth, she said firmly, ‘I love you now, Ted, and I will love you always… from the bottom of my heart.’
The whoosh of breath Ted expelled sounded like a year’s worth of relief. ‘Oh, my God, sweetheart. I love you too,so much.’ He leaned closer, smothering her against his chest. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’ His next words seemed forced from his throat, as if he didn’t want to make even the suggestion real by speaking it. ‘You don’t want to leave the bay, do you?’
Peggy considered his question. Even a couple of days ago– when Liam had broached the possibility in Falmouth– she might have said yes. She’d faced a village potentially alienated by the bullying allegations, and Ted had seemed to fall under the spell of another woman. But now… ‘If Lindy did send those emails– and who else could it have been?– it will clear my name.’
‘Ironic, really. The gossip machine can become a force for good. You need only tell one person for everyone to know within the hour.’
Peggy sighed. ‘Do you think she’ll ever admit it?’
‘Maybe in time. If she has the right help.’
They fell silent.
Then Peggy said, ‘I’ve begun to make friends here. With Sienna employing me, I have work. I’ve even signed up for a yoga class with Gen. And Paul wants me to get my clarinet out of the attic and join his jazz band.’ She watched Ted’s face as she said this last sentence for signs of jealousy. But he seemed delighted.
‘I’ve been saying you should do that for years.’
Which was true. Although she had never played for him.
‘Just don’t fall in love with the fellow,’ he added, with an apologetic grin.
