Page 32 of New Beginnings At Pencarrow Bay
‘Goodness, I’m so sorry,’ Ted said, shocked by what he was hearing. ‘Surely he wouldn’t harm you, Lindy.’
She glared at him. ‘For Christ’s sake, Ted, have youlistened to a word I’ve said? He’s been harming me for months, one way or another.’
‘I suppose I meant physically,’ he muttered. At that moment he noticed a group of people ambling towards the truck and was relieved to be able to excuse himself. ‘I’ll be back in a sec.’
Lindy just gave a tired nod.
Pam arrived as he was serving the coffees, wielding a couple of large Tupperware boxes of sausage rolls and cinnamon buns. They had a brief chat– her ageing mother was an ongoing problem– but Ted wasn’t paying attention. He could see Lindy’s eyes fixed on him anxiously as he worked. She was obsessively smoothing her fingers back and forth, back and forth across the cold surface of the aluminium table. In the end he couldn’t bear it any longer and asked Pam if she’d mind taking over for ten minutes. There weren’t any new customers at that precise moment, anyway, although he knew they were about to get busy.
When he got back to Lindy, he sat down and took a determined breath, anxious to have his say before she started speaking again. Peggy’s words rang in his ears– that he should guide Lindy towards professional help, even if she wasn’t yet ready to hear it. He decided upsetting her in the short term might be better help to her in the long term. So he spoke much more firmly than he had previously.
‘Look, Lindy, I keep saying this…You really should consider professional help. Please. There’s a national domestic-abuse line you can call. I’ve checked it out. They must be extremely familiar with situations like yours. They’d be much more use to you than we could ever be.’ As soon as the word ‘we’ was out of his mouth, Ted knewhe’d blundered and hoped Lindy hadn’t noticed. He had intended, at some stage, to break it to her gently that Peggy knew. But this morning probably wasn’t the best time, when she seemed so het up. And the news might get in the way of her listening to his advice– which was all Ted really cared about.
Lindy stared at him, startled. ‘We?’ She narrowed her eyes at him. ‘You told Peggy, didn’t you?’ she muttered.
Ted hesitated, took the plunge. ‘Yes, I did. I’m so sorry, Lindy, but I had to. She thought something was going on between us.’ Even though he’d have preferred to reveal the information more tactfully, he was glad it was out now.
Lindy seemed to expand in her seat. Head thrown back, blue eyes blazing, chest puffed up to twice its normal size, she grabbed his arm, shaking him. ‘You promised me, Ted. This was aconfidence.’ Suddenly tears were pouring down her cheeks. ‘Oh, my God. I can’t believeyou, of all people… I trusted you.’ Taking a heaving breath, she added, ‘Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Now everyone will know. They’ll think I’ve gone mad.’
Aghast at her outburst, and embarrassed as he glanced around and saw the people at the tables falling silent as they watched the drama unfold, he laid a placating hand on Lindy’s arm, which she immediately shook off. ‘Peggy won’t tell a soul,’ he said, cowed by her rage.
Lindy shot to her feet and stalked across the car park. Ted noticed her Audi parked by the road.Shit, he thought,she’s in no state to drive, and hurried after her.
By the time he reached her car, Lindy had already started it and was preparing to drive away. Ted grabbed the passenger door and wrenched it open. ‘Lindy, stop. You can’tdrive in this state. Please, wait a few minutes till you’ve calmed down.’
Lindy paid no attention to him, her eyes still leaking tears. But Ted was not giving up. Seeing she was intent on leaving– the handbrake already off, engine purring– he jumped into the passenger seat. Before he shut the door, he waved at Pam. ‘Sorry, back in a minute.’ Which he hoped she heard… and hoped was true.
Hand on the dashboard as if to stop the car, Ted shouted, as she raced off, ‘Slow down, Lindy. For God’s sake, slow down. You’ll get us both killed.’
Lindy didn’t reply, the expression on her face fixed, eyes blinking through the tears.
When she turned left out of the village instead of right he asked anxiously, ‘Where are you going?’
She swung her head round then, a blank smile on her face. But she still didn’t speak.
He tried again. ‘Please, Lindy. What are you doing? Pull over so we can talk,please.’ She was driving like a maniac, cutting corners and overtaking at breakneck speed, horn blaring. He thought they would surely die under the vast, manure-covered tyres of a rumbling John Deere tractor, their flesh indented by deep tread patterns, their bodies squashed flat, like those of characters in a cartoon. He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.
Then, as swiftly as the rage had come upon her, it seemed to leave her. He almost heard the whoosh, like air expelled from a balloon. Lindy slumped in her seat and let out a ragged exhalation, the car wavering across the road, then losing speed. Which was almost more unnerving than the previous rallycross.
But as Ted began to breathe more easily, he realized he had no idea what to say to the woman beside him. Lindy was also silent, no longer crying, just driving along as if they were an old married couple out for a leisurely weekend spin.
When she did speak, her voice was soft and sad. ‘So sorry for just now, Ted. I barely slept a wink last night. Could we have a quick coffee somewhere? Give me a chance to catch my breath. You’re so expert at calming me down.’
Ted felt wrong-footed. ‘Umm, that would be great, but I really have to get back. Pam is holding the fort, doing me a last-minute favour. I can’t leave her for too long.’
At his refusal, Lindy nodded, but he saw more tears escaping from her eyes. ‘Okay,’ she said quietly.
Ted was torn. She looked so worn out, so distressed, that his heart went out to her. He couldn’t leave her like this.It would be cruel.He reached out and gave her arm a gentle stroke. ‘I’ll ring her, see how things are going.’
But searching the pockets of his cargo shorts, he realized he didn’t have his mobile.I must have left it in the van.He had no idea of Pam’s number offhand– he couldn’t remember anyone’s number any more, except Peggy’s perhaps, now they were all stored in the phone. He bit his lip, thinking hard. He could ring Peggy on Lindy’s phone, but she was in the middle of an interview, or ring his own phone and hope Pam heard and picked up– although he was pretty sure it was on silent mode. She would no doubt stay for him if he asked– she had such a kind heart– but that wasn’t fair. He had no means of getting back to the van, though, without Lindy taking him. Which, as she drove on in silence, she apparently was not about to do.
‘Left my mobile, so I can’t ring her. I really should get back, Lindy,’ he pleaded.
‘Please,’ she said, her tone hardly above a whisper, ‘we’re here now. We’ll be really quick.’ She pulled into a diagonal parking space at the top of a small fishing village along the coast from Pencarrow and turned to him with a tired smile. ‘Help me out, Teddy.’
And that was the moment. As he looked into her intense blue eyes, Ted’s whole being seemed to jolt. He felt breathless, frightened, a helpless child again.Help me out, Teddy… It was the phrase his mother had used, time and time again, when she was unable to function, broken down by her addiction. The pained voice was the same, the gaze from her intense blue eyes– wide and tear-filled, so nakedly vulnerable– identical.That’s who Lindy reminds me of, he thought. The uncomfortable revelation was like a sword to his heart.
Now, as then, he felt the panic begin to churn in his gut. He’d loved his mother to distraction– admired her, thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world– but he was also desperate for her to be like his friends’ mothers: on time to pick him up at school, tea ready on the table, open for a chat about his day. He wished she could be more regular, more predictable, justnormal. He’d wanted, too, with all his heart, to make her better. But he never felt he had the capacity to give her even a fraction of the shedloads of support she seemed to require. He’d kept on trying, nonetheless, year in, year out, throughout his boyhood. Hearing the break in Lindy’s voice, he knew this time would be no different.
