Page 70 of The Dating Ban
“I told him about me not being able to have a baby.” Pee-Pee knows that is a big deal. I don’t talk about it much and letting him into this knowledge, that says something. “He was so open, the way he talked about Lucy’s mum, and I just wanted him to know something personal about me as well.”
“You trust him.” It’s not a question. It’s a statement and I know she is right.
“I do. That’s crazy, right?”
“Why?”
“Because… we don’t really know each other.”
“I would argue you know a lot about each other.” Pee-Pee is, as always, the voice of reason.
“But we haven’t known each other for long,” I argue back.
“What is the minimum time you need to know someone, before you trust them?”Damn you, Pee-Pee!
“I don’t know.”
Phyllis gives me an encouraging smile, “Ivy, trust is earned and what you have told me so far, Theo has done everything right to earn your trust. So, it’s only natural that you would open up to him.”
“Hm.”Oh great, now I’m the one hm-ing.I glance up hesitantly. “So… does that mean we shouldn’t be just friends?”
Pee-Pee doesn’t react, just watches me with that calm, infuriating patience.
I sigh, rubbing my hands over my face. “I don’t even know if he wants more. He’s never—” I pause, my heart picking up pace. “I mean, I don’t think he’s ever thought of me that way. Has he?”
Pee-Pee tilts her head slightly. “Has he ever treated you like just a friend?”
I open my mouth, ready to say yes, because that’s what I’ve always told myself.
But then I think about it.
The way he always makes sure there’s a cup of my favourite coffee waiting for me at the shop. The way he instinctively shifts closer when we walk side by side, like he needs to keep me near. The way he looks at me when he doesn’t think I’ll notice, like I’m something he can’t quite figure out but isn’t ready to stop trying.
My stomach tightens.
I close my mouth.
Pee-Pee nods slightly, as if she already knew I wouldn’t have an answer to that. “Ivy, you’re asking all the big questions when you don’t even know what you want yet.”
I let out a frustrated breath. “But that’s the problem. I thought I knew what I wanted—I wanted to be independent, to feel whole on my own. And now…” I gesture vaguely. “Now I’m just confused.”
Pee-Pee offers a small smile. “Then maybe that’s your answer right now.”
I frown. “What?”
“Slow down.”
I scowl. “I hate slowing down.”
“I know,” she says, smirking slightly. “But you still have a little over a month left. So instead of trying to define something that hasn’t even happened yet, maybe you focus on what’s in front of you. Keep living your life. Keep being present. And when the time comes, you’ll know what you want.”
I slump back in my chair. “Great. Love that for me.”
Pee-Pee just chuckles.
There’s a long beat of silence before she asks, “So what are you planning to do?”
I sigh, shaking my head before finally sitting up, my expression set with determination.
