Page 36 of I Found You
“A rehab program. For drugs. I’m clean now. I have been for ten months.” A tentative smile crossed her face. “I got into some trouble about a year and a half ago, and instead of… well, they gave me the choice to go into a program, and I took it. I had a setback not long after I got out, but honestly, that relapse made me realize even more that I needed to stay sober. I needed to get my life on track.”
“That’s great.”
“It’s the longest I’ve been clean since Jackson was in diapers. He’s so grown now.”
Josie’s eyes started to well up. She’s missed pretty much his entire life.
“He is grown. He thinks he is anyway. I still think he has a bit more growing up to do, but…” I trailed off.
“I’d like to get to know him. And you, again.”
Me? I didn’t know if I had it in me to rebuild this relationship. But Jackson deserved a chance to get to know her, if he wanted to. On his terms, not hers.
“Jackson makes his own decisions. I won’t force him to spend time with you if he doesn’t want to,” I warned her.
“But I get the impression that your approval would go a long way. Listen, I know I don’t deserve it. I really do. But I have to try. You’re my children. I’ve missed so much, but if I don’t have to miss a moment longer, I would rather not.”
“And what happens when you leave again? How long are you even around for?”
“I’d like to make it permanent, Maeve. I want to stickaround… for all of it.”
Permanently? I rubbed my face in my hands. What I wouldn’t have given to have my mother at home, a normal family, twelve years ago. Even ten years ago. But somewhere along the way, that fantasy faded. Reality kicked in. What would that even look like? Would we have family dinner around a dining table, laughing and talking, telling funny stories like the Wilders? It all felt so foreign.
“When I told Raquel that I was coming back here, she warned me that it would be a long road, but I told her that was fine with me. I wasn’t afraid of putting in the hard work.”
“Who’s Raquel?”
“She’s my sponsor. She can be a real bitch sometimes, but she’s the best person I know. She’s been through a lot of the same things as me. She gets how hard things can be when you aren’t numb all day, every day.” Josie picked up her phone and swiped through some photos. “This is Raquel. I wouldn’t be here without her. That woman is an angel.”
I was looking at the picture when a text came through. I could only see a little bit of the message in the notification bubble, but it was from Raquel.
“Oh, she just texted you now.” I handed Josie her phone back, but she didn’t take it, instead picking up the pizza that was sitting untouched during our conversation and taking a bite.
“Open it. What did she say?”
Raquel: Hope dinner’s going well. But even if it doesn’t, you are still worthy. Text me when you get out.
I read her the message, the previous messages catching my eye. I wasn’t trying to snoop, but it was right in front of my face. “You can read through them. I’m an open book.”
I glanced up at her. Was she serious? I scrolled up just a little, just enough to see the most recent conversation. It was from earlier today.
Josie: I feel nervous. Is it normal to feel this nervous to talk to your own kid?
Raquel: When you left them to fend for themselves for the past twelve years, it is.
Josie: Helpful. Thank you.
Raquel: That’s who you were. Not who you are. You got this. And if it doesn’t turn out the way you’re hoping it will, you’ve got that too.
“I’m glad you have her for support,” I told her, putting her phone down next to her.
“Me too. So, tell me about you? What have you been up to… for the last twelve years?” Josie’s tentative laugh softened me a bit.
I gave her a quick rundown of raising Jackson, working my way through college, and becoming a teacher. Twelve years was a lot of history to try to get through in one dinner, but I provided the highlights, focusing more on Jackson than myself.
“And what about the foster situation? How did all of that come about?”
“Jane.” Just thinking about her brought a smile to my face. “She was actually found abandoned in some brush. Department of Children and Families was brought in, obviously, and somehow, they reached out to me. They needed someone immediately, so they were looking through their database of preapproved houses, and because of taking over Jackson’s care, I was in their system. It all happened so fast, but next thing I know, I have a little baby girl in myarms.”
