Page 67 of Fever: Love In Scrubs
“It’s been… different. I can see the floors. It’s clean. It… it feels like the home I always should have had, Tinka. Sometimes it makes me sad that I don’t have daddy to share that with anymore.”
She came to me, wrapping her arms around me. “I know, baby.”
Tears slipped from my eyes against my will. Sometimes, I found myself sitting in one spot in this house looking around at how different everything was now. I dreamed about what it would have been like if my mother had lived through childbirth. I wondered what our relationship would have been like.
Would we be close? Would we have had traditional family dinners and holidays? Would I have had a normal childhood with normal friendships? I wondered about so much with no way of getting the answers. All I had were memories and most of them weren’t too pleasant.
“I need to spread their ashes, Tinka,” I said when I pulled away from her. “I’ve held on to them for too long.”
“I’ll go with you. We can go right now if you want.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Wynter, you’re my girl. More than my cousin. You’re my sister and I would do anything for you. I drove past a big ass lake on the way in. We can get some candles. Say a prayer and release them so they can finally be together again.”
I sniffled. “Okay. We can go.”
We left the room and headed downstairs. We both grabbed an urn off the mantle above the fireplace, then I grabbed my keys, and we left the house. After stopping by the store to grab some candles and a bucket, we headed for Silver Lake. The sun was beginning to set so it was perfect timing. The place was empty, and I was grateful for that. I didn’t need everybody seeing me get overly emotional because I knew it was coming.
We got out of the car and headed for the docks. Placing the urns down, we sat on the edge of the docks. Taking the tops off the urns, we counted to three and poured them both into the bucket. Tinka lit the candles and handed one to me.
“Take your time, sis.”
She looped her arm through mine and rested her head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Mommy… I wish I could have met you. I wish I could have experienced your love first hand. I wish I could have seen Daddy love you. I wish we could have had mother daughter dates or be able to tell you my deepest secrets because you were my ultimate best friend. I wish I had the chance to tell you I love you or get hugs and kisses from you. I have so many questions. So much I wanted… needed to learn from you. I’ll just have to hold you in my heart until I see you again.”
I paused and sniffled, trying to hold it together. I wanted to cry so bad, but I had to get this out.
“Daddy… Frost Brian Driscoll…” I chuckled. “My hardheaded, stubborn, defiant old man. I know we didn’t always see eye to eye, but I loved you, Daddy. I understand now that you were sick. While I wish I’d been enough to fill the hole in yourheart, I’ve never experienced losing the love of my life. I know that looks different for different people. I miss you. I miss your voice. I miss begging you to come live with me even though I knew we would have never made it under the same roof again.
“I just… I wanted… the little girl in me just wanted her father. I wanted you to show me the love I craved from you. The care I needed from you. I wanted you to choose me because I was still here. For so long, I was so angry with you. I needed you and you never showed up for me the way you showed up for Mommy’s ghost.
“The letter you wrote me was nice, but it was too late. I needed to hear those words from you. Not on paper. Not through a text. I needed to hear you say them out your own mouth. No amount of prepaid ice cream or telling other people how proud you were of me makes up for the fact that I didn’t hear it from you.”
I stopped briefly to catch my breath. Tinka sat next to me, gently rubbing my hand, but remaining quiet.
“I hope you’re at peace with Mommy. I hope you get to shower her with all the love you’ve been holding on to since she’s been gone. I hope… I hope you’re happy.”
I motioned for Tinka to help me with the bucket. Slowly, we poured their ashes into the water as the sun slowly set behind the mountains. I rested my head against hers while she wrapped me up in a strong hug.
“I think you said it all, baby,” she said, squeezing me.
“I think I did too.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Light.” I sighed. “Come on. Let’s get back to this house. I’m ready to enjoy my weekend with you. We have dinner with Jaxson’s family on Sunday.”
“Eeeek!” Tink squealed. “I can’t wait to see you two together. Yes, let’s go back and have drinks and order some food because I need all the new details on Dr. Boo. Don’t leave anything out!”
I giggled as we stood to our feet. If she wanted details, I had details for her ass.
Tikayla Rogers nevermet a damn stranger.
I’d done a FaceTime call with Asia Friday night to introduce them. She’d come over Saturday to get ready to go out with us and it was like Tinka made a new bestie. They were in my bedroom laughing, talking, twerking, and taking shots while I got ready.
Both of them were already dressed while I was still shuffling through my clothes, looking for something to wear.
