Page 98 of When It Reins
The odds of that happening are becoming more and more slim by the minute. He nods his head, maybe deciding that I am going to listen to him for once. I don’t want to. I want to fight, to take back control of this situation, to show him that men can’t just go around and hurt people because they are mentally ill.
And man was he. You don’t light your parents on fire when you’re six years old and claim to be a healthy, functioning human being.
I nearly bang my head on the frame of the car when he shoves me into the passenger seat, and I sit primly, not wanting to touch anything that this psychopath owns. I take a moment to take stock of the car as he rounds the hood. Nothing in the car can be used as a weapon, and I have seconds before he opens the door. Ilook at the seat belt and wonder if I have the strength to do what I’m thinking.
I have no idea.
I’ve never had to contemplate the thought of hurting anyone. It isn’t in my nature to want to, even when I am fighting for my own life. I may have wanted to do some questionable things to Eric, Thea’s abusive ex-husband, but that was for my sister. Not for me. I will do anything to protect the people I love, even letting this crazy person get me out of town so that he can’t hurt them.
I picture Mitch, probably very confused that I broke up with him right when we felt like we were on the cusp of great things. Of life slowing down, of us getting our shit together. Maybe we would have rebuilt his cabin and moved in together. Maybe we would have gone on a tour together and made music. Maybe we would eventually settle down, and he would let me love him for the rest of our lives.
Now, none of that would be happening.
Because at the end of this, I am going to be dead.
I let the dreadful thoughts come in. I let myself think about what is about to happen to me. As Aaron merges onto the two-lane highway, down the mountain to the big city below, I let myself imagine scenarios I don’t want to. I let myself think of the things he might do to me, of the things he might force me to do, of the life that I will have if I let us get any further.
The visions in my head finally propel me to do something, and I send up a silent prayer, hoping and praying that everyone I love knows that I had no choice. That it was this, or something far worse for me.
I pray my sisters will go on and live good lives, get married, have happy lives, and maybe more kids.
I pray that Mitch’s brothers will take care of him once I’m gone, that he’ll have a chance at life after this.
I pray that Mitch will know that I loved him until the very end. That I would have done anything to get out of this alive, but I wasn’t sure how. I pray that no matter what, he’ll be able to feel my love through the wind that comes upon him, that every sunrise greets him with a fresh start to a better life, and that he can peacefully sleep each night, knowing that I feel no more pain.
Because if I leave with Aaron, if I let this monster take me, Mitch will always have to wonder where I am, if I am safe. He will never be able to settle. He will never be able to move on.
This is for both of us, and I hope that he can forgive me when all is said and done.
I spy a curve up ahead. The side of the road I am on has a drop-off into boulders. It is a dangerous road that inexperienced drivers shouldn’t touch when winters hit up here.
But it is a place where accidents happen all the time. And I am about to make a big one.
I take a steady breath, my movements slow as I reach over to unlatch my seat belt. I count to three in my head, glancing over at Aaron and seeing him glancing in the rearview mirror, looking for anyone following us. If that were the case, I might not be willing to do what I am about to. But there are no cars in sight.
Quickly, I release my belt and grab for his. My right hand gets caught by his as he yells at me, and I climb over the console to grab the belt with my left, pulling strong and getting a wrap around his neck. I pull tight, cutting off his air supply.
He screams at me, choking as he grips my hand and bends my wrist strongly. I hear a snap and let out a cry as the car starts to heavily swerve. I don’t release the seat belt with my left hand and fall back into my seat, pushing him with my feet and keeping my hand firmly wrapped around the seat belt, unwilling to let go. It digs in, threatening to slice the skin of my palm, but I don’t let go. Tears stream down my face at the severity of the situation. Inearly panic when I feel the car swerve beneath me and let go, but I remind myself of what’s at stake if I do.
He tries to correct the car, but it is too late, and just as he grabs the hand holding the seat belt, the car tips off the edge and rams into a large boulder. My head cracks against the window on the passenger side door, and everything fades.
47
mitch
I knowbefore I even see the open doorway to her apartment that something isn’t right.
Something went horribly, horribly wrong when she left her apartment, and I don’t know if that means Aaron got to her, or if she really is trying to get away from the stuff that is hounding us endlessly.
“Mitch!” Stetson’s voice pulls me out of the misery I am feeling. Staring at her empty apartment and knowing that no matter what I look at, it isn’t going to tell me she is okay, or anywhere near okay.
“Her car is in the lot,” Stetson says, knowing that saying that is putting a nail in a coffin I never wanted sealed.
“Fuck!” I throw my fist into the wall, feeling a moment of satisfactory release when the drywall breaks and ignoring the pain.
“Calm down, man. We’ll find her,” Jax says, coming into the apartment.
“I have nothing to go on!” I break, hearing the anger and despair in my own voice. I see my brothers eyeing me sadly and want to take it all away, but I can’t.
