Page 77 of When It Reins
“I need you to leave.” The words leave me in a whisper, but I can’t stay here another second, so I turn and head for my bedroom door.
“Juniper.” His voice cracks again from behind me, and I’m unable to hold back a sob, letting it out just as I’m reaching my door. Before I can push through, large arms come around me and hold me.
I break in his arms, letting him take the moment to hold me, letting myself be held by the man I love more than anything in the world.
“Starling.” His whisper touches my ear, and I feel his body moving quickly with each breath. “Please.”
When I can finally get the words out, I stand more firmly on my legs. His arms haven’t let me go, and I can feel his fear pulsing through his arms in tremors. “I need some time.”
“Time for what?” he asks, his voice rough as he holds me still. “I love you. None of this changes that fact. None of it changes anything for me.”
Finally, I get him to let me go, and I face him again, unashamed of my emotions being displayed all over my face. “You were ordered to be with me. How can I know anything you did or said was genuine?”
His mouth drops, and he processes my words. Then he steps back and shakes his head. “If you believe anything you just said, that I wasn’t acting on my real feelings, then you don’t actually know me at all, Juniper.”
I open my mouth to reply, but I get stuck. I don’t know what to say or how to act. There’s something in me that’s repelling the feelings that bombard me, that tells me to call him back as he turns on his heel to leave.
But I can’t.
It’s all too fresh, too new.
As I watch the man I love walk out the door, I feel myself crumble against the wall, and I don’t have any clue what to do now.
35
juniper
“Oh shit.”A muffled voice pulls me out of the blanket cocoon I am in, and I pull it down, not surprised in the least to see Thea and Annmarie staring me down.
“Honey.” Thea’s soft and soothing voice comforts me, and I lay my head back down as she sits on the edge of my bed, her concerned gaze looking me over. “What happened? Are you sick?”
I moan and shrug my shoulders, not wanting to dive into all the horrid details of my life. I am depressed and sad and regretful. I hurt all over. My heart aches in my chest, and my brain tells me I screwed everything up.
“I think she and Mitch broke up.”
This has my attention snapping to Annmarie, who smirks a little at me when I do.
“So I’m right.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Well…” Annmarie cracks her fingers, then says, “You call in sick, then he calls in sick. Then, when we come to check on you, he’s not here.”
“Ann, stop.” Thea looks from Annmarie to me, and somewhere in Annmarie’s little talk, tears started filling my eyes. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Just tell us what happened.”
Thea scoots until she can pull me into her arms, and my eyes close when I lie against her shoulder. My whole body starts to shake and tense as tears start to escape, and I see Annmarie come to sit on the edge, her hand resting on my ankle.
Thea is the mother hen of us all, and having her here is comforting, even if I do wish I could have my mom with me when I am going through stuff like this. It feels like ages ago that our parents left this earth, and some days, it feels fresh every minute. Thea is the only reason we got through everything as seamlessly as we did.
“I think I messed everything up.” The words spill from my mouth, triggering another assault of tears as they do, and I can feel my sisters staring at each other in worry.
“What happened, Junie?” Thea asks, waiting until I’ve calmed down enough for me to actually say the words.
“I was at Rosemary’s, and her son showed up.”
“I didn’t know she had a son,” Annmarie says, frowning at the new information. “How come he hasn’t been helping her with the community issues?”
I wipe my nose with the sleeve of my shirt, giving up on being polite and smiling sarcastically. “Oh, well, he has, actually.”
