Page 59 of When It Reins
I step closer, keeping enough distance between me and the group of people—mostly kids—so that I don’t get noticed right away.
Jax extended the invite for me to come and observe today, and that was all I intended on doing. I’m not ready to step back into this kind of arena, to ride another bull. It’s been a long time since I did that, and while fear isn’t what is holding me back, falling on my ass in front of a crowd is.
Jax claps his hands, obviously pleased with whatever was going on in the arena, and I see a girl driving a four-wheeler around, a dummy cow attached to the back, and a small person on a horse chasing after it while swinging a rope over their head.
I notice Bonnie as the one on the four-wheeler, her smile wide as she watches the kid behind her chase after the cow.
The outdoor arena at Three Rivers is littered with more people than I’ve seen in it in a long while, but as the ranch grows and expands its disciplines, I suspect it is only going to get busier from here.
Having the rodeo school at the ranch turns out to be a great idea. Not only is it already set up for the different things the kids—and adults, if they want—could learn, but those who may not be interested could head over to CT and find something else to do.
I see that now, see what my brothers and cousins have been rebuilding here since CT asked my brothers to come and workfor him. It is quickly morphing back into the family business it was always supposed to be.
I feel something churn in my gut and tuck my thumbs into my front pockets. I don’t want to admit to myself that this is where I want to be, that working at the bar and with the club is only a way to pass the time. For what, I still hadn’t figured that out.
But there is envy within me as I watch my brothers move around this ranch with ease, knowing that they all have a place here, that it is their home away from home. I don’t have that, but it isn’t their fault.
On the contrary, me not accepting the jobs that they extended is all on me.
Now that the secrets are out of the way, I feel more at ease, but there is still unfinished business with the club, and part of me loves being a part of that as well.
I just don’t know if I can have it all.
“Hey, big brother,” Jax says, loud enough to draw some attention to me. I give him a subtle nod, not wanting to make a big fuss over my being here.
The four-wheeler pulls up, and Bonnie waves at me, her grin spreading as she does. “Hey-ya, Mitch!”
“Hey,” I call out, unsure how to act with my other brother’s girl. She is friendly and pretty funny when she doesn’t mean to be, but we aren’t close.
Jax heads over as Bonnie gets distracted, changing out the kid that is on the horse with another.
“How’s it going?” My brother slaps my back and smiles at me, happy to be in an element where he knows what he’s doing and feels confident in doing it.
“It’s fine,” I say, keeping my voice low. “Roping today?”
He nods. “Yup. One of our first classes this week.” Jax’s smile grows, and his eyes beam with excitement. That is the Jax Iknow, the one that is excited about life. It is nice to know that wasn’t snuffed out by our old man. “Tomorrow is our barrels class.”
“What else you teaching?” We step up to the arena, and I rest a foot on the bottom rung of the fence, watching Bonnie speak to the kid on horseback with confidence.
“Just about anything rodeo.” Jax shrugs, nodding toward the barn. “A few kids went with reining lessons, which CT was thrilled about. Didn’t even realize having the rodeo school here would open that up for them, but I’m glad it did.”
I nod my head. “It’s good that he’s doing well.”
“Definitely,” Jax says, then he looks over at me and subtly nods at the arena. “So what do you think?”
I suppress a sigh, unsure what answer he’s looking for, but give him the best one I’ve got at the moment. “I haven’t ridden in a while.”
“There’s a lot of working up to the actual riding. Do you think you’d be up to giving some intro lessons at least?”
“Jax.” I shake my head, confused. “You rode too. You don’t need me to teach bull riding when you’ve got the knowledge.”
Jax looks away for a moment, and I let him have his time to come up with an answer. Then he turns to me and smiles, giving a shrug of his shoulders. “I’d like to work with my brother. Is that so bad?”
His answer catches me by surprise, and maybe that’s foolish of me, given the way my brothers have tried to pull me into their orbits with them. I should have expected something like this, should have prepared myself for the way they would pull me into the fold again.
Sharing my biggest secrets with them was something that I knew would move us all forward, but I didn’t expect the amount of forgiveness that I received.
“Let me think on it,” I say, giving myself an out that I shouldn’t, but Jax just smiles and nods at me, like he knows that I’m bullshitting him, when we both know that eventually, I’ll say yes.
