Page 22 of When It Reins
I take another breath and let the horse move around me. Unlike my older brother, I slipped a hackamore on this horse just so I would have some semblance of control, though Stetson is holding the lead rope attached to it as well.
It’s like Stetson knows I’m nervous, but for the first time in his life, he doesn’t say a word. He is sometimes just as opinionated and obnoxious as Jax, but he knows when to keep his mouth shut.
Jax is fortunately busy getting signups for his rodeo school he is opening, so he isn’t here to needle me.
“Good boy.” I rub on the horse’s neck, hoping that I can calm my racing heart and the horse’s along with it. I never want to getonto a horse that is nervous, especially when I myself am feeling it, because that would just result in a disaster that no one needs.
We take a few more circles, both of us getting used to the other. According to my brother’s brief explanation—which was chorused by a screaming baby in the background—he’s only had one solid ride on this horse before, which meant I was to be careful.
The horse was a champ when it came to getting saddled, had stood perfectly still and affectionately rubbed his head over my back, making me trust him even more.
Now that I am here, ready to actually step on, the nerves are real. I let Stetson send him in one more circle, then take over the reins, bending his head toward me and letting him know I am going to start trying to step on.
The horse knows. He stops his feet, bends his neck, and gently tries to grab something with his lips. I quirk a smile at the guy, hoping that his gentleness is a sign of a good horse.
I lift the leg of my pants and lift my left leg, setting my booted foot in the stirrup. My hand goes to the horn, bending the horse’s neck a little more so he can see what I’m doing, and he gives a sniff.
Giving a bounce or two, I let him feel my weight shift the saddle, and he takes a step away with his hind legs. I jump with him, calming myself down before trying again. I take a bigger bounce and pull myself all the way up with my right leg still hanging down.
I sit there for a moment before deciding to trust him and swing my leg over him, settling my weight carefully on top of him.
For a moment we don’t move, then Stetson moves to my side and keeps his lead on the horse loose. I give a slight wave of my legs, pushing the horse forward and giving him back his head so he can go around Stetson like I want him to.
He takes a few unsteady steps, getting used to the new feelings and sensations. He is a good horse, and my brothers did a really nice job with him. I let the reins go out a little further and relax back into my seat, letting him feel my nervous energy leaving my body.
All of that pent-up energy I stored just seems to flow right out of my body as I ride. This is my first time on a horse in over a year.
I feel my emotions stirring inside of me and have flashes of my life, of my piece of shit sperm donor nearly killing people I love, of the MC life wearing me down to the point where I felt like a zombie when I was there, of coming home and not knowing where the hell I fit in anymore.
Then there is that flash of something missing. That something is the girl who can never be mine, and I don’t want her to be.
At least, that’s what I tell myself.
I reel my emotions back in and look back at the task at hand. I feel the gelding moving faster beneath me, and I try to get myself back under control.
“Whoa,” I say in a low and slow voice, so as to not spook the horse.
Stetson moves with us a little faster, trying to get ahead of the horse, and he gives his head a gentle but firm pull, turning him inward.
Ideally, this would get the gelding to slow and then stop, but something must get under his butt, because instead, he starts hunching his back.
“Shit,” I mumble, knowing what is coming and turning his head with my reins, feeling Stetson do the same. I sit down on my butt further just as I feel his ass end come up, and I brace myself, keeping my reins pulled to the side, but this guy has already made up his mind.
My hand slips, and he takes advantage of that, moving away from Stetson and heading right for the fence. He bucks once, twice, three times before I decide to bail, hearing Stetson curse behind me right as my body flies. Instead of catching the fence like I plan, my grasp slips, and I hit the railing with my arm, sending a blinding pain through my shoulder.
I watch as the gelding runs off. His bucking ceases, and I let myself fall to my butt and try to catch my breath. My shoulder aches, and I roll it, feeling that twinge there.
“Shit. I haven’t seen him act like that since his first saddle.” My brother pulls his hat off, looking over at the horse, who’s now standing calmly at the opposite end of the arena. He looks back over at me and sighs. “Need a beer?”
I chuckle, and because the situation probably seems weird—me, the brother who hasn’t so much as smiled in a year, laughing while sitting where his ass got thrown to the ground—Stetson takes one look at me and laughs along with me.
And it’s probably the first time I’ve laughed with one of my brothers since high school.
That…is sad.
I sigh as I listen to the voicemail that Loki so angrily left me, telling me that my “girl” as he refers to her no matter how much I correct him, is snooping around the development we are working on saving.
Fuck. That is not what I need as I head into the bar tonight, my arm still aching and bruised from my wild ride earlier, and my pride suffering.
