Page 48 of Wake Me Up
I nod slowly, taking his hand and letting him yank me up. “All right.” I stop him, pulling on his hand and holding my arms out. “Give your ol’ mama a hug. I love you.”
As I wrap my arms around my son, I realize that none of my kids are babies anymore. They understand things now and are able to think for themselves and tell me how they are feeling. I can’t use them as an excuse to not try to find love again.
Besides … part of me thinks I may have already found it. Then again, that would be crazy.
Wouldn’t it?
When I’m in front of the goal, I don’t think about anything else besides protecting it. It’s my home base, and no one can get by me, no matter the cost.
That was how things were before Freya came to my game anyway. Now, I’m still protecting my space, but I’m doing it while I think abouthow fucking crazy it is that I’m secretly married to a woman who is here with her in-laws. In-laws who don’t include my mom.
I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything before. I don’t care anymore if it’s foolish since we haven’t known each other for long. I also don’t care that the time we have spent together has included her pushing me away for a good portion of it. But little by little, I’ve watched her walls come down just enough for me to step inside. I’ll be as patient as she needs me to be, but I don’t plan to give up.
Watson Gentry is the goalie for the opposing team, and that’s added pressure on me. He’s one of the best; he’s also a bit younger and fresher than I am.
We’re up by one goal with hardly any time on the clock. They could score right now, sending us into overtime, and I could lose it for us all in front of Freya and her kids.
Oh, and her in-laws.
A few of my opponents fly toward me, making a last-ditch effort to tie it up. With a solid block, the puck smacks off my stick—thank fuck. The entire team begins to celebrate because we got out of this game with a win.
Now that I know I’m safe from fucking this game up, my eyes shift up into the stands, and my mouth spreads into the biggest, most-out-of-character grin when I take in the sight of Cash and Cane jumping up and down, clapping and cheering for me. My eyes shift down the row, and I see Aviana is doing the exact same thing. This crazy warming sensation spreads across my chest, and I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
My eyes land on their mom, who is hands down the most beautiful woman in this arena, but I know her in-laws are beside her, and I don’t want to be disrespectful and openly gawk at her, so I give her a small smile and wave politely and as nonchalantly as I can before I turn my attention back to my teammates.
I chat with a few of my teammates before leaving the ice, and every now and then, I catch sight of Freya talking with her in-laws, and she looks so happy. A strange pulling feeling tugs at my heart, and it’s just another thing I don’t fucking understand. I’m happy that she gets to see her husband’s family, so why am I secretly jealous over it?
Seeing her right now is just a reminder that she’ll never be mine. Not fully anyway.
I’ve watched a lot of romantic movies. I’ve read a lot of romance books too. Though I’ll admit right now that I have never read or watched a scene when the female main character was with her late husband’s parents while they were chatting with her secret husband, but didn’t realize it.
This is weird and uncomfortable, but not for anyone else besides me. Oh, and maybe Tripp. Though, if he’s nervous, he certainly isn’t giving it away.
“Well, it sounds like Mr. Talmage has sure taught you a lot, Cash,” Richard, my father-in-law, says before he roughly rubs Cane’s head. “And I hear this young man smoked your ass in the batting cages.”
“He sure did,” Tripp says, smirking. “I’ll get him next time,” he drawls before he flashes an amused grin at Cane. “I just need about … five years of batting practice first.”
“Probably like ten,” Cane tosses back playfully, flashing his teeth because his smile is so big.
Upon the boys’ request, we all waited for Tripp after the game. Though neither Helen nor Richard seemed upset to learn that the kids had been spending time with Tripp, Helen sure seemed curious about it all. I took the coward’s way out and kept playing it off like Cash was the luckiest boy alive for going to that camp where Tripp had noticed him. In reality, Tripp has been playing life-changing roles in each of my kid’s lives. I just don’t want to tell my in-laws that, out of fear that they might think he’s trying to replace their son.
I keep my arm around Aviana while she snuggles against my side. A yawn escapes her, and I rub her back.
“We’d better get you home, little lady.”
“I’m not that tired,” she utters, pouting slightly, but when she yawns again, she shrugs her shoulders. “Okay, fine. I’m tired. I’ll admit it.”
Richard holds his hand out to Tripp. “Thank you for taking an interest in Cash,” he says before looking pridefully at my son. “He sure is something special.”
I know Richard is a typical guy and just sometimes doesn’t get shit—for lack of a better way to put it—but his words instantly make Cash uncomfortable, and he glances at his big brother to try to read his expression. I know it all leads back to him feeling guilty for playing hockey when Cane can’t anymore because it’s too painful.
“They all are,” Tripp says, jerking his chin toward my kids. “Cash is going to be in the NHL one day, if he doesn’t get distracted by girls in a few years.” He winks. “Cane is going to be playing for the Red Sox, probably as their MVP.” His eyes land on Aviana, and I wonder what he’ll say about her since he hasn’t spent much time with her. “And Aviana here? Well, she’ll rock this surgery and then be whatever the hell she wants because she’s one tough kid.”
Aviana beams up at him, bobbing her head up and down in agreement. I wish I could be as strong and brave as she is. Instead, I just have to pretend to be for the sake of my kids. Inside, I’m a freaking baby.
Helen puts her arm around Cane, dragging him closer to her. “He’s right, you know. You three can be anything you want. Your daddy always said that because he knew it was true.”
The same sadness that’s never far creeps its way into my body, reminding me that I’ll never be all they need. They’ll always miss him—and there are so many lessons I can’t teach that he could have. But his mom is right; they can be anyone they want, and I’m so thankful they have so many people surrounding them who love them.
